i am 14 and i have a 20 year old boy friend,but we have never had SEX but we both want to what do i do??
please help me i love him but i am scared to have sex with him xx c
2006-07-06 08:51:19 · 47 answers · asked by little dove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First you need to remember this questions:
Can you take care of yourself? Do you go to work, pay your own rent or mortgage? Cook for yourself? Could you take care of another person on your own?
If your answer is no to any of these you are not yet a woman.
Darlin if you arent ready to take responsibility for yourself, you should not be making these choices. You see, you could get pregnant, Then your guy is in jail for about 5 years as a sex offender and you are stuck caring for a child on your own., Could you do it? You should not be having sex with anyone unless you can deal with the reprecussions.
Also your boyfriend is not being very responsible. He should realize how much trouble he can get into. If you love him at all, do him a favor and make the choice for him, break up for now. Stay friends and get back together when you are just a few years older. You wil both be more ready for the responsibilities that come along with sex at that time. And dont think that it cant happen to you. I thought that I was bulletproof when I was 17 and surprise surprise surprise I have a 16 year old son now. Dont regret my child but I really wish I would have waited. No childhood, No going out with friends in college, No prom. Just wasnt ideal. Good luck and honey if you want to live up to your potential, dont get stuck. Just wait and things will be so beautiful when you are 100% woman, 0% girl.
2006-07-06 09:30:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You were 12 and this guy was 18 were you first started seeing each other? Where were your parents? I'm sure that you are a lovely young girl - but I have to wonder about the motives of a guy who is basically seeing a child. Having sex with this young man could result in his serving a jail term for statutory rape or worse yet child molestation (this would ruin his life forever). Are you and he prepared for that should someone push the issue? Sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy should also be concerns. Listen to your innermost feelings - and being scared is a justifiable reason among others not to have sex at this point in your life. Talk to someone close to you about your feelings you may find them more understanding than you think. If this guy is putting the pressure on you to have sex and you are afraid to then maybe you need to take a break from each other. Given your age and his this would not be a bad idea and probably in your best interest.
2006-07-06 09:24:32 · answer #2 · answered by mzmscheeveeuhs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE PAY ATTENTION.I'm not going to tell you how wrong it is.I'm going to give advice from experience.You are only old enough if you can really handle what might happen.I've been there.I was 14 my first time.My situation was worse because we were not in a relationship at the time and I gave into a lot of pressure from him.It didn't seem too bad at the time,but two months later,I found out I was pregnant.I found this out after bleeding for two weeks.It was a tubal pregnancy that almost killed me because I had no idea I was pregnant.I had to be rushed into surgery after I finally went to a doctor.My mom was upset with me.My whole family was upset.Not only did I go through a lot of pain,but it was emotionally devestating at first to find out about and then lose a baby so fast and so young.I broke up with the guy even before that happened(yes,sex led to a relationship,but it was not a good thing).This guy was 23.Almost all of my boyfriends have been a lot older than me because I matured faster than most girls.
Once again,I won't tell you not to do it.You will do what you will do,no matter what anyone says.I just do not recommend it.You're body is still developing and not ready for pregnancy yet,and there is NO 100% BIRTH CONTROL.Think carefully.There are lots of fun things you can do without having sex.Do your parents even know about him?You need to think about that.And continue to be scared.You're scared because there's a lot of reason to be.Good luck.
2006-07-06 09:15:00 · answer #3 · answered by kimberli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK SO YOU MET WHEN HE WAS 18 AND YOU WERE 12?
Hug (platonic ok) want to take away the hurt Im to old for her.
Either he is very immature for his age there or something is not quite right... Thing is he is old enough to be sexaul and has been a while only you have a lot of changing to do... You are at a different stage in your life to him, he needs to understand that...
It may be that he is not a peado if you have been togther that long... see above but there is a grey area and at best what you two have is on the very outskirts...
At fouteen you should not be going further then making out ie kissing and touching 1st or 2nd base.
If you do anything more he is in serious problem where he will end up in jail and a nasty one where he will get beaten up all the time...
The simple fact you are scared to have sex means you dont really want to... At 14 you do 'love him' as you are feeling tremendous surges of hormones (hence you mates goign potty over boy bands)...
But you need to hold back as too much too soon will mess you up...
Unlike the others here I say it as it is...
You should not be going all the way untill about 16-17 and at most late fifteen (ie 11 months)...
Before that you should be at the feel up hand job pahase and before that where you are the kiss and hold hands phase.
Thing is at 20 he is way beyond that and fed up waitng but thats why he should be with someoen closer his age and you closer your age...
This is unlikly to turn out well till especailly not for either of you if you go further for another couple of years and he won't be able to wait...
its not fair on either of you. You are better off cooling it for a couple of years... or its just going to hurt you both...
This is assuming he has genuine feelings and is way behind those his age but really that may apply for 15 and 18 year olds or 16 and 23 year olds... He should not be going with someone as youg as you...
And thats from open minded Joey who pushes proper sex ed
When you are really readdy for sex you wont be scared or doing it as you love him... Your body will want to do it... you are not readdy... trust me and as said Im the most easy one going here.
2006-07-06 10:42:58 · answer #4 · answered by Joey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are too scared then ABSOLUTELY NOT. Besides the fact that it is illegal and he could go to jail (the Courts take a very bleak view on underage sex and it is classed as rape, whether you agree of not). If he is putting presesure on you to have sex then you might want to remind him of this! Also tell him that he should be happy to wait until you are 100% ready. Remember, it is YOUR virginity to give when YOU want to (obvisouly ignoring the legal aspect in that statement) and not his to demand.
If you do decide to go ahead with it, which i really don't think you should just yet, please make sure you are 100% safe. Go to the docs and go on the pill and also INSIST that he wears a condom. Also make sure you are somewhere safe.
I also have to agree with other comments on the age gap. My step-daughter is 12 and if she started dating an 18 year old then i would have to put my foot down and forbid it.
I know you don't want to hear this huni, but you are still child. And with that, you still have child emotions. I don't honestly believe you are ready for sex. As for your boyf, i presonally am very worried about the relationship you two have. Technically, and legally, if he has been kissing you and going any further, he is a paedophile. Sorry to be blunt, but that is the truth and any Court would see it the same way. I know, I work for the Courts.
2006-07-06 08:57:09 · answer #5 · answered by willowbee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look first thing's first it's illegal and he would probs be sent to prison for having intercourse with you, if i were you i would wait until you are 16 and if your partner loves you he will wait, i don't agree with everyone saying he doesn't love you and that's it just about sex yada yada because if it was he wouldn't have stuck around 2 years without any, at the end of the day it is your decision, so the only advice i am going to give you is to make sure you are ready, if you have even the slightest doubt then your not! and use protection andi am sick and tired of reading on these pages that young girls have got themselves pregnant and daren't tell their parents and what should they do (no offence) so don't fall into that trap, make sure you use protection, even if that means going on the pill and using condoms, make sure you are prepared before hand.
2006-07-06 21:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by sugarbabe180 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are scared then you are certainly NOT ready. Your 20 year old boyfriend is probably more than ready but that does not mean he should have free access to you or should make you feel pressured (by being mean, humiliating, or throwing you a disgusted attitude, or making you feel foolish for being scared, threatening to get it somewhere else, etc) to do anything. If he truly believes that a sexual relationship is necessary, he should not be dating a 14 year old (it is ILLEGAL).
Love is not sex. Sex is not love. I would hope that at 20 your boyfriend realizes that. You are smart to ask questions. It is your body... don't do anything until you are absolutely sure that it is what you want.
Ask yourself:
Would I be considering this with anyone else?
Would I want my parents to know?
Would I want the neighborhood to know?
Basically, until you are comfortable with everyone knowing, you shouldn't because everyone will know.
2006-07-06 09:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kristonia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 is too young to have sex. Care for him as a friend but at the age of 20 he should be dating people his own age and so should you. Ask yourself why he is not. There is so much out there you need to see before committing yourself to one person. Don't sell yourself short. You will regret it if you do. Concentrate on an education if you want to be successful and happy in life and don't look for love. There is plenty of time for that later.
2006-07-06 09:02:34 · answer #8 · answered by Santa C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is a 20 year old doing with a 14 year old kid ? forget about having sex for a long time yet it is still illegal at your age .. you should be thinking about what exams you will doing and the kind of job you want to do when you are an adult .. plus having sex so early leaves you with a high risk of getting cancer .. if he loves you enough he will wait sex is not the answer to everything it is a big step to take
2006-07-11 02:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by carol p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though the law says 16,I fink if ur both in luv with eachother and are both 100% sure u shud.U shud giv urself a pat on the bak uv bin 2gether for 2 years and av waited til the time is rite 4 u,most ppl jus rush into it and regret it afterwards.
Hope iv helped you
Lisaxxxx
2006-07-06 10:58:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋