I have had this neighbor for about 4 months. We both moved into the neighborhood around the same time. She has two children that are a little bit younger than my daughter and the three of them are good friends. The thing is she keeps on pushing and pushing to have my 8 yr daughter have a sleepover at her house. i'm not comfortable with it at all. I'm realizing that she has had lots of issues, had her kids taken away, been married many times. 2 ex husbands in jail etc. I have let her kids stay at my house before because of course i'm more comfortable with that. I have become somewhat friends with her and my daughter is a smart girl but I just don't like it. I have allowed her to sleep at others friends houses on occasion but this just feels different. How do you think I can tell the lady without hurting her feelings.
2006-07-06 08:43:51 · 19 answers · asked by coconut 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Her kids are great and she's a nice lady too so no, I'm not saying that I don't want them to play together at all, or that she's a bad influence, I just don't want my daughter alone, in her house while I am asleep and unable to know what's going on.
2006-07-06 09:26:40 · update #1
First of all I think it's wonderful that you're giving the benefit of your apparent doubts by being her friend and wanting not to hurt her feelings. She may very well benefit a lot from that sort of friendship. You're giving her a chance to see you as an example of someone who has their life together. Spending time with you and your family may be just what she needs.
I'm one like her that has made mistakes. We all have at times and you don't know what all she's been through in her life- her upbringing, her efforts to make her life better, etc.
But, at the same time you are right to use your instincts. If you feel safer with the kids spending time at your house, you should do that. Maybe you can do more together as single mother's with kids who are friends. Keep getting to know her, it does take time. And sleepovers aren't the only way the kids can socialize. You can say your daughter feels more comfortable in her own bed- it's not unreasonable for an 8 yr. old to feel that way. I'm sure in some ways she does. It's a way of stalling, until you feel more comfortable. Maybe you will with time. She'll probably quit pushing the point eventually.
2006-07-06 09:01:45 · answer #1 · answered by niteowl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People don't read questions do they? LOL. You already made up your mind.. you don't want her going over there.. duh. And I totally agree.
Your question is how to tell your neighbor without hurting her feelings.
The problem, I see.. is not the sleepover. It's that your children are spending ANY time alone away from you at this neighbors house. X husbands in jail and kids being taken away?? Not good friends to have if you ask me. I'm not sure what to say other than I think you got yourself into a pickle.
I guess my question to you.. is I'm getting conflicting stories here.. It sounds as if you don't want your daughter to stay over, because your neighbor could be a negative influence. ssssoooo why are you bringing this negative influence into your life by becoming friends with the neighbor???
Back to your question I guess... if the only time your child plays with her kids (that are still with her) are when your daughter is with you... then that's a good thing. Then you simply just have to tell her the truth. Or let your husband or whoever be the escape goat. My dad was the escape goat for my mom's crud all the time LOL. That's what men are for. ;)
Don't lie to her and say that you just don't let your daughter stay over at anybody's house. She'll find out from the kids that you're a liar and that is worse than if you just told her the truth.
Only tell your daughter what you want her to know. Kids will repeat to other kids and kids will then tell their parents.
Last piece of advice? Never get close to your neighbors. It can turn out bad. That doesn't mean don't have a bbq now and then or whatever.. it just means., when they tap in to your power to build their deck (my neighbor did this once - surprised the HELL outta me!) approach them and say sorry., but this is not only illegal, but you didn't ask me first, please unplug it.
YES, I'm sure her feelings were hurt, plus I might have embarassed her or pissed her off.. but guess what? We still talk and we are still friends, but she knows the boundaries.
2006-07-06 09:09:14 · answer #2 · answered by game buddee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand greatly what you are going through. I have a 11 yr that keeps on asking to sleep over at her friends houses and I have allowed her to go but there are some house I will not allow her to stay over at. There is really no easy way to tell her with out hurting her feelings. But my way out was using my husband as an excuse. Saying that he is the one that dose not want her to spend the night. And if you are not married use an uncle or brother. It has worked for me every time. And talk to your child about how you feel and this way she will not want to spend the night at this persons house either.
2006-07-06 08:55:01 · answer #3 · answered by Sheny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely cannot be blunt with her about it. Since you are neighbors, she could make your life miserable if you offend her. I would definitely continue to follow your instincts on this though. They are telling you something and you do not want to have an issue involving your daughter be the way you find out what that is.
The first thing I would do is stop inviting her children over for sleepovers. Since you have hosted her children, the woman is trying to be polite and reciprocate. At the same time, continue to politely decline and make up excuses why your daughter cannot spend the night. Hopefully in time, her desire to make it up to you will subside a little.
2006-07-06 08:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by Lubers25 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and tell her that while you are comfortable with having sleepovers at your house , you do not feel that your daughter is ready to spend the night away from home. Tell her that next year you and your daughter will feel more comfortable with her spending the night else where
2006-07-06 08:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by Crispy critter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that both of your houses are so close together that a sleepover is not needed. Her children can drop by to visit anytime. If she still can't except that, tell her that you only have one child and you're not comfortable having her stay at someone else's house without you being there.
2006-07-06 08:52:58 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs Apple 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to know her or stay at the sleep over with your daughter see how things go :) Keeping the fun out of your child's life would not be right then you would save from hurting any ones feelings:)
2006-07-06 08:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by BETH M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe honest is the best way to comfront friends. maybe this advice would help. just ask your friend to meet you like sometime after you drop off your kids at school. ask her to meet you in your house. and then tell her that your duaghter is very smart but, i really don't want her to hang out with the worng kids. they might get her mind off of school or something like that. that is what i told my best friend when i had this similar problem. we still keep in touch!
2006-07-06 08:50:22 · answer #8 · answered by malena749 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are not comfortable with you kid sleeping over anyone house. Oh make up a story and tell her your kid wets the bed.Good luck
2006-07-06 08:48:12 · answer #9 · answered by queen b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust the instinct... don't. Your daughter and her friends- even your neighbor- might get mad... but what if something DID happen? You'd never forgive yourself. Take a deep breath and say, "No."
2006-07-06 08:48:31 · answer #10 · answered by Cathryn E. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋