Why am I so clueless in life?

Question

My gf and I were having a discussion when somewhere in the conversation I stated that I never saw it coming when I got dumped in previous relationships. She said that I see what I want to see. Which was true b/c when my last relationship ended I went to therapy (I had depression prior to that incident, but that put me over the edge) wondering what was wrong with me. In my current relationship, I guess we were arguing a couple of times and I was totally oblivious to it. I thought we were disagreeing about a topic, but not arguing. She even tried to dump me a couple of times b/c she had too much going on in her life, and I was in shock b/c I was totally oblivious. Although she now says she ain’t going anywhere b/c I gave her the necessary space she needed and she loves me for it, but I’m not concerned about that; I can’t believe how blind I’ve been in life.

Does anyone have any clues as to not be so clueless in life?

Answer 1

Look...Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars.... they're just two totally different planets.

It takes time to understand the opposite sex. You will know that u've found the right person when you can learn to understand her. Just keep the conversations going and be willing to give in and change.

Answer 2

Being clueless is as human as anything else we feel, think, fear or just sense. Some people don't see the innate existential hopelessness in the pit of our stomach, until mid life crises, prenatal time or as Bob Dylan said, "until they hear the whistle blow, or first knowledge of impending death.

As the ancient Chinese philosopher said, " we each have a tail that follows us, and we our dragging it in the mud." but instead of viewing the phenomena as a singular problem, you can see that it is a shared problem between all humans, just that some don't see it and some already went through it, without noticing, and maybe some have not yet earned the right to suffer.

Cut yourself some slack. Go and find a therapist or mentor, go to a meditation class, go to church, take a walk or get into cooking, gardening, sewing, volunteering, but above all, figure out what others do about depression.

Thanks for asking the question.

Answer 3

Learn to be curious and develop the habit of asking questions. Since cultures, genders, ages, and all the minute differences add to the complexity of a person, you will need to be curious about what things really mean to another. In order to find out, ask questions. Ah, but you'll need the ever-important skill of "listening" so you can ask the right questions. The nice thing about doing this is that you actually see beyond just what is verbally said. Doing this could help you be more observant, and therefore, less clueless. Hope it helps.

Answer 4

I dont think your clueless. I think you just see things exactly like all men see things. And your girlfriend sees things like pretty much all women see things. For example, arguing. Most men dont thing disagreeing on a topic is arguing, but a lot of women do. I think that if you want to feel like you are more aware of whats going on in your gf's head, then you just need to take some time to try to understand how she looks at things. It doesnt make you clueless to see things from your perspecive, but if you want to feel more in touch than just take time to ask yourself how someone else may be viewing the situation.

Answer 5

Don't get so down on yourself. man! Try to set back & take a long hard look at this relationship. Maybe she is simply spoiled and demands too much from you! In my opinion if she continues to make you feel like you are doing something wrong... maybe she is just not the right girl for you! There is someone out there who will love you just the way you are! DON"T TAKE ANY MORE OF HER CRAP!!!!

Answer 6

Maybe you just haven't trained yourself to be very observant, with a touch of denial thrown in there? Learn more listening skills. Don't think about what you are going to say next when the other person is talking. Look them in the eye when they talk, and watch their mannerisms, too. Learn to detect mood, relaxed or ill at ease, tense, all that stuff. Then stuff won't blindside you.

Answer 7

My wife recently told me that she was thinking about leaving. I didn't understand because I thought everything was going great and I didn't see any problems. I think it is just a guy thing to think that things are better than they really are. If my answer doesn't help, hopefully knowing that there is someone in the world that is just as clueless might help.

Answer 8

Me.
But I am working on it... :)
For example, I got dumped but I didn't notice it (it was distance relship, okay... hard to grasp it anyway)!
However, as a result of my ignorance, I didn't even get depressed - and was hanging around quite happily for another year, waiting to be called by the one who didn't talk to me at all.

Now, tell me, can anything be more clueless than thaaat???
(donkey, ha?)

As for other things you write there... yes - everybody needs their space, that is very important. One should not try to suffocate one's partner with love. Give them trust, it works better. :)

Answer 9

We learn with every experience. Sometimes we have to go through the same experience more than once to see the light. You are not alone

Answer 10

I always try to look at myself and what I do from an objective third party perspective. Or, ask your friends for their HONEST opinions. Friends can sometimes see things that we are too blind to see for ourselves.