The threat would be calling her son on the phone to see how they were doing and then asking him to come over once in a while to help her with some things. Would anyone really feel this to be a threat to their marriage? Would you divorce your husband if he refused to stop seeing his mother?
2006-07-06 08:27:09 · 16 answers · asked by Angel in Captivity 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way..I'm not the psycho...it's my sister-in-law. She told off my mother-in-law because she was talking to her son too much and blamed her for their marriage problems.
2006-07-06 08:34:00 · update #1
That's just retarded lol. That's not a threat. And if you felt that way, then you're husband would be the only one who could handle it. Good luck.
2006-07-06 08:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's common for wives and mothers-in-law to have difficulties with each other. However, a man's mother can't ruin his marriage; ultimately that responsibility falls to the husband and wife.
On the face of it, the mother-in-law sounds reasonable -- my mother calls me to see how we're doing, and asks me to visit once and a while. It sounds like the wife in this case feels that the mother-in-law is interfering or influencing her husband in some way -- but that's a problem with her husband, not her mother-in-law.
In fact, you can have the most horrific mother-in-law in the world, and you can keep it from being a problem in your marriage -- you simply agree as a couple to set boundaries for her, and be open about how she's trying to influence each of you. However, "you can't see your mother or talk to her any more" is not a reasonable boundary under any conditions.
The problem, ultimately, seems to be this: the wife feels threatened by the influence that her husband allows his mother to have on their marriage. That's a problem between the husband and wife, and she would do well to stop blaming his mother and start talking to him directly. Also, the mother-in-law might not have any influence whatsoever, and the wife is paranoid or insecure. If so, that's once again got nothing to do with the mother-in-law; it's all about the couple.
2006-07-06 08:40:06 · answer #2 · answered by daveowenville 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The level of detail here isn't enough for me to determine either way.
Generally, if a wife feels that her husband has more commitment to another woman (including the mother-in-law) than to herself as his wife, then she's going to feel threatened and angry.
If she perceives the mother-in-law is in general competing for her husband's affections and attention, she will draw a hard line in the sand.
Obviously your sister-in-law feels that your mother has crossed this line. She's either a complete loon (if your mother is innocent), or your mother HAS been demanding too much of your brother's attention on a consistent basis.
Just to be safe, your brother should really review how much time your mother asks of him, what he might have done that would make his mother seem a higher priority than his wife, and so on. He did leave his parents to cleave to his wife, so he needs to really evaluate this -- his commitment is now to her, his family.
(I wish I could tell you more, but I'd need more detail and/or observation of how everyone interacts.)
2006-07-06 08:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that mother in laws should leave their married kids alone to deal with their own issues. Advice can be given but it doesn't mean the kids have to take it.
I don't think it's respectful to tell off a mother in law because she's spending too much time with her son. Remember this is the same boy that she raised and carried for nine months, there's a certain line that needn't to be crossed.
I am not a mother, but a newlywed and live with my in laws. Lucky for me, my husband's mother does not meddle in our business. She may comment here and there but she means well. Just like I think your sister's mother in law means well. They just don't know how to portray it.
2006-07-06 08:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by jade11378 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mother-in-law needs to stay out of the married couple's bussiness and stop trying to snatch you away everytime she can with the excuse of chores around the house,
The wife is the leading lady now and husband needs to learn how to juggle with them both, specially if the spouse feels left out of if she is rejected by the MIL.
Is not grounds for divorce unless the situation has been neglected and calls for attention on the matter ignored.
Good luck
2006-07-06 08:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't call her and tell her off. This is something that needs to be resovled between you and your husband. It's his mother, he knows how to deal with her best. You should examine why you feel threatened by her relationship with your husband. What exactly it is that angers you and discuss it with your husband. Ask him to think about it and come up with some solutions in dealing with his mom. Give him some time to think about. It's not fair to make hime choose between you and his mom. He wouldn't be here without her. She raised him. You know the old saying, "you're not only marrying your husband, but your husband's family" . I feel that he still has a familial obligation to his mom, until the day she dies.
2006-07-06 13:27:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this a control issue for you? Or are you just insecure in your relationship with your husband?
In any marriage there is a transition phase from being part of one family into making another. Being married to you didn't mean he divorced his family. You are an extension of it. It's not a competition, it's a union.
I call my parents every week or two, and they call me. They live 400 miles away, which precludes visits, but my wife's mom and disabled brother live next door. We visit all the time. She helps us, we help them. It's part of being a family.
I've seen in-laws who are intrusive; who demand to continue running their "child's" life, even after marriage. What you've said here has nothing to do with that. It's a young man continuing to care for his family, and be cared by them, even though he's building a life with you.
If you feel threatened by this, the problem isn't his, it's yours. For you to demand for him to stop seeing his mother is outrageous. Absolutely out of line. To "tell her off" for wanting to remain close to her family... shame on you. To threaten divorce for this??? Sheez. How selfish are you?
2006-07-06 08:49:35 · answer #7 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, this woman is a very ferocious threat to your marriage. Calling out of concern to see how her son is doing and then have the nerve to ask him to help her out once in awhile. (But it's ok that he doesn't call his own mother and tell her hey mom, how you doing? Need anything?) Watch out for this woman, she's as dangerous as they get. And if you ever have kids, never ever call them or ask them to help you out if you need something. You'll be just as much as a dangerous threat as your MIL.
2006-07-06 08:40:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know it is never my place to confront my MIL over anything. If I ever have issues with her, I bring them to my husband's attention and have him deal with her. She is afterall, his blood family. Its not my place. Just like if he had issues with anyone in my family, he would tell me, then I'd take care of it. This is for obvious reasons, as you have come to see. Your SIL now comes off as a crazy, unreasonable twit. But if it were your brother voicing any concerns to his mother, it wouldnt even be an issue.
2006-07-06 08:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by heathermama_tx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't divorce because of that. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.Ask him to spend more time with you. Its ok to help out his mom once in awhile but not every time she calls. Hang in there.
2006-07-06 08:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by missmadhatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋