When can I come out to my hetero parents? (if at all?)?

Question

They are conservative, right-wing Republican Christians. I'm afraid i'll get in bad, but i feel awful always having to hide my true feelings. :( Very sad and confused.

Answer 1

if they are as you describe them, it bodes ill for a smooth resolution to your dilemma.

while i do not categorize myself, i certainly would not describe myself as either conservative or right-wing republican - at least not at this point in my life. having said that, if my child ever "came out" to me, my love for him would not waiver for a moment. if anything, out of a sense of protectiveness, knowing that his road ahead will be a more difficult one given social prejudices, my love for him might even perhaps strengthen. Ultimately, the goal of the parents should be to support the journey of the child toward happiness.

Pragmatically speaking, given the circumstances, it may be best if you kept this from your parents at least until you are financially independent (assuming, of course, that you are currently living at your parents' home). Once you are, you can give them the choice, should you choose, to either accept you for who you are or not. Hopefully it is the former, but, if it turns out to be the latter, they would not be able to unduly influence your life with financial control.

stay true, and good luck to you.

Answer 2

I'm soo sorry to hear this.. I hear it so much and I am going through the exact same problem. Please contact me and we can talk about this.

Anyways, in all honesty you don't have to tell them. I know it is so hard not to, but do you really want to have a family that treats you as a third class person? No. It can work, and yes it will be hard, but sexuality isn't even half of your life.. It isn't even 10%.. Maybe not even 5%. When you get a job, and your own place you can live and be who you want to be. You can get a guy roomate and say he's your boyfriend so they won't know, and have your girlfriend live with you. You can say that she's the roomate and he's your boyfriend. Yeah, it's sort of cheesy, but it could work. Plus he is your "Boy friend." lol.

anyways, just take it one day at a tme, and I wouldn't tell them until you move out and have more power over your life.

Good luck, and remember you are not alone. I am here if you ever want to talk.

Answer 3

If you are a minor still living at home, then you have a pretty serious situation. It might be best to wait until you're in college or just out of the house in general. Also, consider the value of telling your parents: as long as you're just dating around, there probably isn't much point in telling them. However, if you're an adult and living with a significant life partner, then perhaps you should tell them. You need to insure that they will respect your partner's rights should she ever need to visit you in the hospital or something.

Also, if your parents typically make small-minded or prejudiced remarks that hurt you deeply, then you should tell them. However, remember: just because our parents love us does not mean they will or even really have to accept or tolerate our beliefs or practices. Sometimes the price of too much truth is pretty high.

If you're an adult, then your private business is your own. Think carefully before you share it with others.

Answer 4

Even though they are republican christians they are not the ones who have to live with the life change. So you need to sit them down and tell them the truth and that even though you are gay that shouldn't change the way they feel about you because you are still the same person they raised even if they way you love is different. Also you should come out when you are absolutly sure that you are gay.

Answer 5

How can you 'come out' if you don't know what you are - you sound very confused you should not entangle your parents with all this mess until you decide somethings for yourself. Get off the computer and go spend some time with good friends and talk.

Answer 6

I would say that honesty is the best policy is any situation. However, I would be delicate in how you explain things and be prepared for their response. Rather than going in blindly, put yourself in their shoes and think of what they might say to you so you can have a well-thought out and respectful counter ready rather than responding on emotion.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Pull them aside and tell them you need to talk to them. It's a serious thing, but if you hide things from them, you'll never feel "open" to yourself. You'll feel like you are hiding your true self. Hey, I believe Christians can be gay. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you don't believe in God, Jesus or heaven.

Answer 8

Your parents should love you for who you are. I do know of conservative Christians that have disowned their children and i have known ones that have accepted them. I would tell them, better for them to know the truth.

Answer 9

My mother doesn't like it that i am gay in fact she hates me because of it but i didn't exactly just come out and said it she found my dairy and from then she knew that i was gay and still to this day she can't accept me for it and over half of america can't accept gay people for who they are.

Answer 10

i honestly believe that your parents will love you no matter what, and, given time, come to terms with ypur sexuality. i have a gay friend who simply told his parents (in a very anti-gay sorrounding, including social groups, family etc) but with time they have accepted this fact and they love him very much still. don't be afraid to be who you are. your parents will understand, as well as your friends. tell them gently and with a smile, and absolutely tell them that you admire their life, but that you choose to live yours differently. good luck!