my husband had an affair in january , we got back together and i tried to forgive him for what he had done. just last week i found out he is still speaking to this woman. i don't know what to do, i have two special needs children with this man and it has been seven years of marriage. he says he wont speak to her anymore but i just feel like i can never believe anything he says anymore. i feel so lost and i am in such heartache, please help.
2006-07-06 07:48:44 · 26 answers · asked by frsttmshy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry for your loss (of trust and security) and i know your pain andyour heartache and also understand your severe need to make things work for you rchildren. That is a tough situation and i really empathyze. I have not got over my situation and it has been years but i can tell you that the suspicion and the heartache does dissapate with time.
2006-07-06 07:52:40 · answer #1 · answered by stratocastinator 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You'll know when your marriage is really over when you could care less what antics he's up to. You still love him, or you wouldn't get emotionally charged from his exploits. Don't make it easy for him. You have two special needs children that need both of you. Do not make it easy for him to walk away and be responsible part-time. Hold on to your marriage, when he fully matures and sees what a great example you've set as mother, friend, confidant and wife, he'll gravitate back towards you. Leave the jealousies behind. He comes home to you and you cannot become a shrinking violet now. Don't threaten to end the marriage, tell him you're tired of being disappointed. Ask him to remind you why you were married in the first place. Look deep into his eyes at the young man you fell in love with and try to bring that couple back. Give him a few months to prove that he really has severed ties with this woman. She may be needy and not allowing a complete split, sometimes, these things work best weaning slowly - once she's gotten him out of her system, you'll have him completely. Don't become aloof, put the pressure on him to satisfy you as well (if you have to, force yourself). The trick is not to just hand your man over to him. Make her fight for him, not wear you down to the point where you hand him to her on a platter.
Think about the difficulty caring for your children emotionally, physically, with no breaks and no tag team. You both have to remember your vows and work harder at your commitment.
2006-07-06 14:58:44 · answer #2 · answered by gravelgertiesgems 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello...this is definitely a tough time for you. 7 yrs is a long time, however, time means nothing when there has been a break in trust! the fact is that when you took him back in the 1st place it should of been clear to him that he was to sever all ties with this person. doing whatever it took to cut all communication. so the fact that he chose to communicate with her is 100% wrong unless he's the baby's daddy! you had courage taking him back and giving him a chance to work it out, to make things right and to earn your trust and all you got is your trust broken AGAIN! keep in mind, children don't make a marriage. i can't begin to understand what a difficulty it is to care for one special needs child let alone two so i can see where you are afraid to do it on your own. however, keep in mind that your children no matter how old they are know that something isn't right between the two of you. from just the little fact that you have provided, if he cheated and then continued to have contact with this person after you two got back together shows me he has no respect for you or your relationship. if you ask me i don't think he deserves another chance. you gave him one already and look what he did with it, he disregarded all respect for you and your relationship. it's hard to start over, alone with children, but why be miserable with someone when you can be temporarily miserable without this person and build a better future for you and your children. there are so many good people out there, don't miss the chance of meeting one that you deserve!
2006-07-06 15:06:06 · answer #3 · answered by HopeThisHelps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave it your best shot but it seems like things are still not working out. Its obvious you don't trust him and I don't blame you honestly. Its hard to let go sometimes especially when you've invested so much time, energy and love to make something work. Your kids should be your utmost importance right now as well as yourself. If you do decide to end your marriage its going to be a hard road ahead, because you'll be a single mother and you'll have to support you and the kids financially. But don't you think that would be far better than staying in the marriage living with a man you don't trust and is probably lying to you as well. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, you need to figure that out for yourself. Consider all options. Good luck to you.
2006-07-06 14:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by dsd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will never understand how someone can give another chance to someone that cheats. They give you ever reason in the book but the truth. They want to know what it is like to be with someone else and most of the time they like it so they keep doing it. I dont mean to harsh but you need to stop given him a chance and leave him. Never stay married b/c of kids. I tried that with my ex and after I found out she cheated, It only took me until the next morning to file for divorce. He does not love you any more, plain and simple. I dont care what he tells you. Pack you stuff and get your kids and leave. Better off, he fuc*ed up. Make him leave. You stay there. You kids will be very upset but trust me after a few months they will be fine as long as you guys dont fight around them. You dont need this and neither does your kids. He really cheated on you and the kids. He had the family and I am guessing he dont want that no more. Or if he does he wants it all and you cant have that with a family. You need to get this man out of your life and find you someone that will respect what you have and love you for you. Good luck
2006-07-06 15:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By you asking that question,it probably is. you have to be realistic...is she a coworker of his or someone he can't avoid and thats why he talks to her OR do you mean he still calls her or vise versa and they are still messing around? Don't usr kids as an excuse to stay with him...special needs or not...you will never forgive the jerk you will never trust the jerk and you and your kids will never be truly happy living like this. He screwed you and the family over big time and its not OK! if he really wants this marriage he wouldn't be giving you any reason to think anything bad and he would be kissing your butt for forgiveness. ps. I say this from experience...trust me...YOU CAN"T BELIEVE ANYTHING HE SAYS ANYMORE.
2006-07-06 15:00:00 · answer #6 · answered by mary r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I commend you for trying to forgive and make a go of things, I hate to say it, but, your husband has proved that he cant be trusted, by the continued contact with this woman, and when the trust is gone, really, can you tell me what there is left?? He is disrespecting you, as well as having no regard for his children.
Leaving him, wouldn't ease the pain at first, but, time would heal the wound to the point where you would be happy with the decision you made. Not to mention, he'd have to pay child/spousal support!
Good Luck!
2006-07-06 15:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to someone together..and if he wont go then go alone....you need to set boundries...and let him know exactly what the deal breakers are and what will happen if he crosses that line....I would also talk to a good lawyer and see what will have to be done if he does mess up. He needs to know that you are serious...and if he is serious about making it work than he wont have a problem with any of it.....But..if he fights or complains about anything...then he has something to hide.......you and your children dererve to have a stable life and not be scared about what might happen to you. He needs to know that there are consequences for his actions and there are things you can do to make sure your taken care of.....I know you feel lost..but dont blame yourself for any of it..that just makes it easier for him and he will use your guilt against you....be strong.....and dont give up.....
2006-07-06 14:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have special needs too -- not to make light of your situation, but not only are your children a big part of your marriage - so are you. You need to demand (not ask) him to stop all contact with this other woman... in fact, I would make it clear to her myself that you and your husband were trying to reconcile, and that she needs to keep clear of him. You are not expected to believe him. Trust takes time to earn, and a hell of a lot longer to gain back. Don't expect this to be better next month... it'll take years of hard work... gradually improving month by month until then.
If he is serious about repairing your marriage, he will go to councelling and do all that it takes to show you he is 100% back in the marriage. But honey, it ain't fixed if he's back... it's only bandaged... you need all the help you can get to get through this successfully.
Best of luck.. and a BIG (HUG) to you
2006-07-06 14:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by swilkes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it sounds like it is over. He is obviously more interested in this other woman than he is in you. If he really cared for you then he would have stopped talking to her after he broke off the affair. Chances are that he hasn't truly done that if they are still talking. Cut your losses and find a better man.
2006-07-06 14:52:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋