Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Question

So I am married now for seven years. My husband and i have had many ups and downs. Lately I have been questioning myself if I really am in love with him. I know I have love for him. But sometimes I feel as if I am getting the short end of the stick. For the past couple months he has been a wonderful husband. I just don't know if I even care to return it. We got married young, age 22. Sometimes I think what did I find attractive in him. My view on life seems so different now, and I feel like someone else would fit me better.

we have 3 kids together.

There IS a history of mental and physical abuse. We went to counseling. And I can only hope and pray that we never return to that. Is there any reasoning with this?

Answer 1

1) No, your feelings are not crazy. It happens sometimes. Particularly if the spouses have not really worked on the marriage.

2) If you want to save your marriage, see a counselor now.

3) If your husband is being wonderful now, be sure to tell him how much you appreciate it.

Answer 2

It's the 7 year itch. Go look it up and get counseling. Getting married young is an alibi. I bet you feel you are two different people now or have grown apart. Well, I'll tell you now that is BS. What did you think a marriage at 7 years would be like? Did you know this is the most volitile time in a marriage? This is the time most divorces happen. Are they for the right reason? Let's put it this way, you've already said that you married young i.e. a wrong reason for getting married. It also begs the question maybe people divorce for wrong reasons. Think about it. If it is human nature to feel this way, why isn't it human nature to understand why? We're the only animals on the planet that are capable of rational thought. Why not use it now? Seek counseling. You're fine. You're husband is fine. You're marriage is fine.

Answer 3

Well it looks like you're in quite the pickle! If you ask yourself if you really love him thats not good. But at the same time if you married him and he is the father of your children then there is some abundance of love in your heart for him. I think that you should definitely be a great wife in return!(no questions asked) Considering the fact you guys got married young perhaps you guys are spending too much time around eachother. EVERY1 needs their space.You might not find him attractive now but that shouldnt matter if you love the guy because like a great song once said "Beauty's Only Skin Deep".Your view on life may seem different now but its only temporary. You also have to not think about just you?! THE KIDS!!!!!! All kids need two parents to be a norml child and live the life of a normal child(coming from a guy with 1 parent). He loves you and you love him period point blank. Just give eachother some space from time to time. Find a babysitter and go out or something. As youre finishing up you wont believe this answer came from a 15 year old boy

Answer 4

Honey listen to your self you feel like you getting the short end of the stick he is been wonderfull but you.. dont know if you should returned it...this whole paragraph is about you, what you think, what you feel...what can fit better for you.... i think is your husband whos got the short end of the stick... be a woman and check your self out... If the case is that you are not happy in your marriage then let it go..give that man a chance to be with someone a little bit more less self envolved you have a lot of growing up to do.. but if your wise take a good look at your husband specially if he is been wonderful ask your self does he work?? does he respect me?? am I taken care of?? if all of this are positive and this is taking in consideration that you said it your self he is been wonderful lately.. then you better think about it twice cause honey is hard you hear me HARD to find a good man out there..... you have this control freeks and on top lazy and can really treat you like crapp... be careful because if your hubby is a keeper when you go out there and start new you cant find nobody.. and decided you have enough and want to come back someone else is going to be there and then what?? you sure is hell are going to be holding the short end is what!!! think about it get some counseling and good luck....

Answer 5

Ok, u just said he's a wonderful husband, but YOU think you can do better? GROW UP, i dont care if you were young 22 is old enough to know what the hell u were getting into , YOU TOOK A VOW and your about to leave a man that is TRYING?? .. are you that selfish??? Yeah things are changing, their always going to change, your not going to be the same person that u are now 10 years from now either so what are u going to do, dump a husband every time you mature???? Alot of morals and values there.. LOOK..the grass isnt greener on the other side, there are alot of loser men out there.. more losers then winners.. alot of men that are abusive, cheat, or lack morals.. and 1 out of 10 are going to treat you the way you want, but then again you'll just get bored with them too after awhile and dump them when you do. ALL MARRIAGES have their ups and downs, thats what its all about seeing each other through , living a life "together".. with all these women out there complaining how horrible their husbands are to them REAL LEGIT REASONS.. their wishing they had a man like u.. wait maybe you should leave him so a girl that actually would appreciate your man and make him happy could get with him so he can have a wife thats loyal and deserves him and doesnt just want to leave when she gets bored..

Answer 6

I know how you feel. I was in the same situation with my husband. I was marraide at age 21 and we were together for almost 21 yrs I questioned everything in my life from about the age of 35 till our divorce in july of 2005 because he cheated (by the way) Dont do anything until you take a step out side your box and really look at him and try to remember why you decided to marry him. I think that sometimes had I done the I would still be with him because he wouldnt have cheated on me. It isnt always greenier on the other side of the fence I have struggled for the last 2yrs trying to make it on my own with 2 kids and he dosent even talk to them or even offer help. So PLEASE look before you give up, talk to him and let him know that you are not happy and maybe you could work it out and fall in love all over again.

Answer 7

Have you ever sat down and thought what is really important to you as a person and as a wife? What do you want out of a marriage? What do you expect out of him? What do you expect from yourself? Have you sat down and talk about this with him? If you don't know what the answers are to the questions, or if you have other questions on your mind that you don't have answers for. Then maybe you should seek some professional help that will help you solve some of the questions. I know it will be easier to quit your marriage, but don't you think it just might be worth saving. It is real easy to take each other for granted. To stop doing the little things together. To let the other know how much you both mean to each other. There are times when we get into a rut and forget to say how you feel about the one you love. Just remember it takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to destroy it.

Answer 8

Well first of all I hope you are doing better with ypur health it is somthing that can be very serious,to the point that it will make your life diffent,once you come out of it you dont want to go back.No matter what it is it can be a husband or wife or parents that had something to do with the way you felt when you got depress.Find out what will take down and dont let it drown you,if you are above water dont go back down,becouse you know how that undertow will be,Remember one thing LOVE ONLY GOES SO FAR. Make a good choice you want not your friends or your husband not even your heart do it with your mind remember thats what helps you get though anything you will go through,,hope i was of help

Answer 9

Is this the 7 year itch?

Maybe what you both need is a getaway...just the two of you...to see if you can rediscover the romance in your relationship. Sometimes, that's what ends up missing when we get too involved with just being husband, wife, father or mother. It's worth the time and money to find out. It's easy to get caught up in routines and forget the needs we still have as individuals.

It's important you find out for yourself what it is you feel is missing, or you could end up chasing it the rest of your life and never being satisfied. You need to remember what it is that drew you to him in the first place. Was it just looks and now time is running it's natural course? I'm sure you know it goes both ways. What is it you want?

Answer 10

By today's societal standards, you did marry young, but certainly not young compared to generations past.

The fact is, you are married. He's a good guy; you are a responsible and caring wife. It's just that the lemon and sugar have gone out of your relationship. You have quite possibly been taking each other for granted.

Contrary to popular belief, love is not a feeling; it's a choice. You made a commitment to this person when you said your wedding vows. It is up to the two of you to restore the strong relationship you once had. A counselor can help you with that. Good luck.

Answer 11

It might be time to rekindle why you fell in love with the guy you married. Find the time, and money to spend a weekend doing what you enjoyed doing together early in your relationship.
Marrying will put a strain on the relationship. You both need to work at staying together.
And if you keep feeling like you don't fit maybe your not happy with yourself or feel worthy of his attention. Then you may want to try counseling for yourself.