Need majorrrrrr help?

Question

Ok so here it is, I'm 21, in college and engaged. I'm looking at getting married between 1-2 years from literally now. All of sudden, I'm feeling cold feet. (and it's not even close to the wedding yet). I told my one guy friend to enjoy this time right now (b/c he just got dumped) and just date around b/c I remember when I dated around not too long ago, and I told him how fun it was. After hanging up the phone w/ him it hit me, I'll never get to do that again. then it's like wow .... scary...not to mention the guy on the phone was a guy I use to love I've known him sincre I wasd 15 and was instantly smitten over him ^_^. but we never got our chance. after having lunch w/ him yesterday, it made me think, what if. I feel awful for thinking or having those feelings. am I terrible? I need some major help/advice, so please no ignorant comments like "tyou;re stupid" or something of the sort. constructive critism only.


THANK YOU BUNCHES ALL!

Answer 1

you are still young and have plenty of time to get married. If you are not ready to get married, then don't get married. I will say that all the couples I know who wait for a couple years to get married ended up breaking up. (I don't know the statistics on it, so that could mean absolutely nothing!)

You are not a terrible person. It is normal to get cold feet. To an extent, it is a good thing because it means that you are thinking things through rationally. But if it gets to the point where you start having serious doubts, or fantasize about the single life fairly often, you may want to reconsider.

PS To Tony: I got married when I was a sophomore in college. When I did, my grades rose considerably from 3.0's to 3.8 and 4.0's. I am very happy, graduated, and am about to have a baby and head to grad school, so I guess it IS possible to be married, have a family, and succeed! Imagine that!

Answer 2

If you really love the guy you are engaged to, and he's not a douche bag in any way, then you need to get over yourself and stick with the one you've got instead of looking for something better.

Let's say for a second that you end up blowing it with this guy and you decide to stay single and "have some fun, while you're still young." You'll go out and have a little fun, with your high school crush and a few other dudes who want nothing other than to try to get in your pants - and after it's all said and done you'll find yourself wishing you would have stuck with the one guy who would have done absolutely anything for you.

(and here's a tip: If your guy has no problem with you dating around... that means he is willing to do anything it takes to keep you happy and make sure you stay with him.)

But, it's good that you're waiting 1-2 years before you get married. It's better to figure out what you really want while you are still engaged, rather than jump in and realize 1-2 years down the road that you really don't love him as much as you thought.

Answer 3

It's hard for you to see things the way I would see them because of our age differences. I am 38, but I CAN remember what it was like to be your age. You feel at 21 and in college that you are all grown up and no one can tell you otherwise, but as you get in to your 30's you will lookk back and see how young 21 really is. I was married the first time at 22. I was so anxious to get married - you know, the dress, the cake, the bridesmaids......etc.... and when it was all over I realized that I married who I WANTED him to be - NOT who he really was. After 6 lonely years I divorced him ( he traveled alot and I found out about his " girlfriend") I waited and dated a lot of frogs before I fell in love with my current husband. We were friends from college and had been friends for 15 years! I NEVER thought of him romantically. We dated 5 years and were married Aug 31, 2004 in Vegas! We are expecting our 1st baby together Feb 5 ( I have 14 year old twins from marriage #1 ) I married my best friend! This one was right! I don't know if this helps....but maybe it will get you thinking.......

Answer 4

hunnie i don't think your ready for this.. its good that you don't want o get married for 1- 2 years but think about it. maybe you shouldn't be enaged at all if you have those thoughts. you can be with some one for your whole life and not be married. but really it should just be that easy, what i mean is you shouldn't have to re-think or think twice about anything when it comes to love. and if you are to have the feeling that you will miss out being able to meet new ppl and have the time of your life. then i'd call it quits. if not cheat on the dude but thats mean do do that please. BUT really is should be that easy if your in love to turn that off instantly. if your happy with the man your with and he's everything you wanted then you really shouldn't worry about this. your not a terrible person, your just being human. i think everyone feels these feeling when going through any kind of relationsship. i know i did. also your so0o young. go out and have fun. live life baby. you shouldn't have any commitment now. but that my thought. then agian i have a 2 year old and another on the way and i'm only 20.... so who am i to give out advice

Answer 5

First, marriage is a major decision. One that you don't want to make a mistake about whom to marry. I've been there and done that and it is not a pretty picture when everything is said and done. If you are not definitely, positively, sure in your heart that you love this man and could not live without him.....then, please, don't marry him. My son can't seem to find anyone to even date, but I told him that, when the "right one" comes along, you will know. Just be patient and tell your fiance that you need more time. This, of course, means you don't think he is the one. Trust your gut feeling. It also sounds like you still want to date some more. There's nothing wrong with that. You still are not ready for marriage and the one long term commitment.

Answer 6

Looks significant to me that you write not one word about your fiance. How does he compare with the guy you may still have feelings for? Reverse the roles: if you were engaged to him and met your fiance, how likely would you be to think twice? Think back about why you got engaged...just because it's the logical next step? or because your fiance is the best thing that ever happened to you? Or something in between? Nobody here can tell you what to do, only give you ideas on what to consider. One piece of advice: don't abandon a good thing (and a good man) just on the chance that you could hook up with an old wanna-be flame.

Answer 7

You probably are not ready to get married 21 is kind of early. You haven't lived life yet you are still in college. If that what if factor is hanging over your head it will always be. Maybe the other one is your soul mate and not the one you are engaged too. Go to a counselor they can help you figure out how to decide what is best for you. I say don't get in to deep give your fiance a heads up before it is too late to turn back. No runaway bride now OK.

Answer 8

You are not ready to be married. You are not even ready to be tied down by an engagement. Enjoy your youth. Date around. When you truly find the right person you will want to give up your freedom.

Complete your education first. That should be your first priority.

You are showing maturity by realizing now that this is not what you want. You do need to inform your fiancee now. The longer you wait, the more he will be hurt. Let him know the problem is not him. It is just that you are not ready. Best of luck.

Answer 9

You have plenty of time to decide whether or not you're ready to get married. If you get closer to the date and still aren't sure, push the wedding back. If your fiancee truly loves you, he'll be understanding. I also sense that you have unresolved feelings for your friend. I'm in a similar situation, however I didn't push my wedding back and have been married for 3 years still weighed down by unresolved feelings for a long time friend. Whatever you do, don't get married without resolving those feelings first!

Answer 10

I am happy that you are engaged! Alot of people that i know who just date, are not really the happy type. They spend way to much time and energy looking for what they want in a person, then looking for them. If you are engaged, then perhaps you have found the right one. A lasting and loving marriage is much more rewarding, the love is always there....I hope ^^ Wouldnt it be better to have a really great friend or many who you barely know?