My wife is the most gorgeous woman on the planet, and I tell her this on a very regular basis - yet she continues to complain about being fat and ugly. How do I get through to her that she is absolutely the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on?
2006-07-06 05:57:15 · 42 answers · asked by Jason S 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Thank you for sharing this question with us.
You sure have a point there!..
I'd suggest you to look at it from a different angle: Would you REALLY like to have it otherwise?
Oh by the way, please take a good care of yourself.
Have a nice day!
2006-07-06 06:00:23 · answer #1 · answered by Roland 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
A little paranoia is partly what keeps them gorgeous. It takes a lot of work, after all, and paranoia is a good motivator.
Also, just because a woman asks for a compliment occasionally, it's not necessarily some kind of pathological need for reassurance. Women know that beauty is relative and that a lot of it is artifice. Sometimes they just want us guys to admire the final product, or they want some feedback to make sure they're not slipping up on some small aspect.
Guys do it too, to some extent (muscle-flexing, fretting about a receding hairline, etc.) There's no need to fight it or "cure" it, if it's not otherwise causing a problem.
I get around it to some extent by nicknaming my wife "Beautiful" or "Gorgeous" (when her clothes are on) or "Sexy" (when her clothes are off), so that I'm always yelling out, "Hey Beautiful One, where's the can opener?" or answering phone calls from her with "Hey, you great beauty, what's up?" or whatever.
It seems to do the trick. Why fight her on her need for an occasional compliment? Love is like judo--you win by yielding. Sometimes I literally can't recall her real name, since I never call her by that. :-)
2006-07-06 06:32:04 · answer #2 · answered by Jim R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one, keep doing what you are doing.
Constant reinforcement of your wife's beauty -- not just physcally, but as a human being -- will go a long way. (Especially if it's not during a romantic interlude.)
I think one problem is that people always see the many things they are not, rather than seeing what they are.
A girl who is beautiful but short will put herself down because she is not beautiful and tall. A girl who has beautiful brown eyes will be upset because her eyes are not clear and blue. A girl with straight hair would die to have naturally curly hair; the girl with curly hair sees only that her hair is not straight.
When we went to adopt our daughter in China, it was amazing to hear from our local guide that all of these beautiful, gorgeous, thin Chinese women wanted to have blonde, wavy hair. It was a favorite pasttime (and sort of naughty, socially, but they did it anyway) to go get their hair curled at the saloon, and even colored to something else from the normal luxurious black/brown color.
I mean, Chinese women as a rule have gorgeous hair by most western standards... but they saw their hair as mundane, ordinary, and undesirable.
Women in particular want to be found desirable in their relationships. (I'm not talking physical appearance, although physical appearance is one way to be desirable -- as well as the most obvious thing to change and something that draws a lot of easy, fast attention from men especially.)
A woman who feels beautiful and worthwhile and desirable as a person can look however they want (good, bad, put-together, disheveled) and still possess that spark of confidence that draws people.
As far as how to do it for your wife? The compliments are good. They are better when delivered in a context where there is no obvious benefit to you.
Spending time with your wife as a person whom you find desirable tells her that you think she is attractive, regardless of her appearance. Taking pains to ask her how her day was, how she's feeling, showing an interest in what she's doing -- all those things tell her that she is "desirable."
Speaking proudly of her when you are around others also says a lot to her about her attractiveness. If you convey the idea that she is special and that you are proud to be her husband and still see her as your ideal pick, that will help.
But women always struggle with the beauty and weight issues, especially as they age. It's mostly something to accept -- she will challenge your compliments, partly to express her fear, partly in hopes you might challenge her self-criticism back and reaffirm she's beautiful.
2006-07-06 06:11:07 · answer #3 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep telling her that. She wants to hear it from you. She may have grown up with a low self esteem. You should show her your question. That was very sweet and I know she'd appreciate it. See, now the whole WORLD knows you have a beautiful wife. How cool is that for her?
2006-07-06 06:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that your efforts are not being appreciated. I am sure your wife hears you, but she is hearing and seeing what advertisers and the media promote as "beautiful and thin". As long as your wife compares herself to those images and feels she does not measure up, then your fight will always be an uphill one. Have you considered drawing attention from the physical attributes of your wife to her talents? Physical attributes will fade, and she knows that. Time and age will greatly change her assests that she holds dear, but her knowledge, hobbies and talents, those are timeless. Try aiding her in re-focusing her efforts to something that is enriching to her psyche. I believe the two of you have alot of common interests, go in search of them, together. Hope this encourages you to view your question from a different angle.
2006-07-06 06:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Mojo Jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 2 possibilities:
1. She is so beautiful in your eyes only because you love her.
2. More probably, she just likes to hear from you how beautiful she is. So just keep telling her.
2006-07-06 06:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by cpinatsi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most women do that do get extra complements. Are there is something seriously wrong with them. You have to love yourself no matter what if she is not trying to do surgery or dieting all the time it might just be talk so you can just say baby you are beautiful.
2006-07-06 06:02:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sais that, because whe knows that when she does, you will argue with her.
she likes to here how good she looks.
or
she has been told on a regular basis how ugly/fat she is by someone else or in her past, and is still affected by it.
or
she actually thinks she is. in this case, all you can do is keep trying to convince her otherwise.
2006-07-06 06:02:16 · answer #8 · answered by my_name_is_what 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably self-esteem issues or somebody at sometime told them something negative about them. It is sad how our society has said that a person needs to look this particular way and weigh this amount or that person is ugly. Truly sad.
2006-07-06 06:02:08 · answer #9 · answered by creationist_scm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are shallow &insecure and constantly are seeking a sense of value. Instead of spending time developing an understanding of who they are and learning to accept and love themselves, they've spent time thinking the outside being nice will hide the inside that is troubled.
2006-07-06 06:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by Keith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋