I've let down the two people in in my life that are supposed to love me the most my mother and my husband. In both cases because I couldn't cope with the way husband treated me so I left him. Without me supporting him, he has lost his flat, his job and has been in treatment for mental illness. Not that I was ever perfect in my mother's eyes, nevermind that I did everything else she wanted in terms of getting an education & a career; my failure is all she wants to talk about.
Now there is no one in the world who loves me and I am too scared to get close to anyone else because I'm sure I'll let them down too. I've moved a lot so I have no family or close friends nearby. I have a lovely boyfriend, but he is very popular and has loads of friends, but they are 'his' friends if you know what I mean.... he is very careful never to say 'I love you' either.
Everybody talks about love and friendship and family? How do people get these things? What horrible thing am I doing wrong? Advice?
2006-07-06 05:53:39 · 15 answers · asked by SmartBlonde 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The good news is you have your health.
You were dealt a bad hand. Don't keep playing it. Change your cards.
Go out there and find a "family" (read: sense of community and belonging) in another group of people. Volunteer to help others, this also will change your perspective on things. There are people out there you will bond with, and they will become your new "family".
Your mum needs to grow up. She needs to support, not put you down. In your mind, identify this as HER problem, not yours. Maybe she has resentment stemming from her own failures of being a mother, and she is lashing out on you.
2006-07-06 05:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by truthyness 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this will help, but here goes! I think it's time to live your life and not the one your parents would have you live, good or bad, right or wrong , the decisions are ultimately yours, there are some mistakes you will make in life that are going to be so bad, that you simply cannot go back and fix them, the only thing you can do is make amends, set things right as best you can, and muddle your way on through, and that's life! Even the friends your boyfriend has could become your friends if you keep an open mind, find some small something that you and they have in common, what have you got to lose? it's a place to start, if your boyfriend is as good as you say , ask his opinion, if he is of an open mind and loves you, he'll encourage any decision you make!! LOTS OF LUCK!!
2006-07-06 13:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by trekkie1972566 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking that if your mother and you aren't on good hands because of one thing you failed on then that may be a problem. You've done everything right that she asked of you, as far as education and a career, and now you can't make one decision without her. "That's just as it sounds to me." ...but that's just crazy she can't controll your life forever. your question was, how do you get love, friendship, and family?
My answer is to just be yourself, and try not to let too much get you down. My thing is if a person don't like you, there have a reason, but there reason don't mean nothing because you gonna do you no matter what 'cause you love yo'self and if you don't who will. Just trust and love yo'self,and have a little faith in finding someone and being happy. Love Takes Time.
2006-07-06 15:28:42 · answer #3 · answered by lil' mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u r over reacting just relax and think about the circumstances again... u let down ur mother and husband because u were not able to tolerate their behaviours... and if they were not able to understand u that was their mistake.....
and now when u want to maintain another true and strong relationship first u should let go all ur fears about letting them down etc. obviously u have experienced something in future u would take care of things better... u understand what i mean.... just let others come close to u and make new friends... one more thing try to change urself a bit just think twice before saying or doing anything.....
2006-07-06 13:03:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1: Mommy sounds like a disapproving b#@cth who will never be happy no matter who you're with. My mother was the same way until I laid it on the line. #2 Your hubby's failures are all his own. Don't let him lay a guilt trip on you. If he don't say "I love you", then he doesn't. He's trying to use you as a scapegoat for his failures, so that his "friends" will see you as the problem. As I told someone earlier, GET OUT NOW, THERE A GOOD DECENT MEN WHO WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT.
2006-07-06 13:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by dumbdago 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important love to have is having love for yourself. You are not to blame for your husband's decisions and most important his mental illness. A person can only take so much and I think you need to take care of yourself. Maybe counseling will help you because you sound depressed and emotionally abused. I think you may have rushed into this current relationship you are in and maybe you need to take a time-out for yourself. Our first relationship begins with our parents and it sounds like you have a stressful relationship with your mom. You are an adult and sometimes our parents love us so much they want us to do as they say but you are your own person! Seek counseling and get to know you before pursuing relationships with others!
2006-07-06 13:10:41 · answer #6 · answered by latina311204 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask yourself the reason why you left your husband. I don't suppose you did it lightly. You are not responsible for him. If he lost him home and his job, is he not big enough to sort himself out ? As for your mother, you cannot live your life to suit her. If she doesn't approve of your choices then too bad.
Maybe it is too soon to be in a new relationship. You might be expecting too much of him. Enjoy his company but you should be making new friends. Why not join some sort of club i.e. salsa class, evening class and you will give yourself a chance to meet new faces.
Relax and enjoy life.
2006-07-12 17:42:12 · answer #7 · answered by chelsea19622000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that just because your marriage failed and everything, does not mean that you can love again. He might be the right one for you and you do not want to bypass it. love only comes around once in a while. take the chance and see where it leads you. try to talk to people even if it is small talk. do not listen to your mother because mothers should not treat their daughters that way. if that is all she talks about then leave her alone. Do not blame yourself anymore because you will get sick. start a new life with someone that will love you and wants to be with you and respects you.
kisha
2006-07-06 13:01:34 · answer #8 · answered by kisha l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to worry more about what you want and work on your self-esteem. If your husband treated you badley then he was the one who diappointed you, not the other way around.
And as far as your mother goes. If all she can talk about is your failures then again, she is the one disappointing you.
Don't be such a people pleaser and start making yourself happy. When you love yourself other people will foolow suit. Love isn't about what you can do to please people.
Keep your chin up and live your life the way you feel you need to.
2006-07-06 13:01:12 · answer #9 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God Bless You!
You are doing nothing "horribly" wrong. From the bit you've said here it seems as if you are trying to live the life others want you to live. You may wish to start searching your own heart and live the life YOU want and desire. God gives us our heart's desires (God puts the desires in there) so that we can grow and fulfill a purpose.
When you love yourself enough to not let yourself down...you will attract others into your life that love and support you as well.
Contact me if you desire more discussion.
2006-07-06 12:59:29 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋