my wife and i have been married for almost 8 mo. now. Everything we have is in my name. She wants to move back to Texas where we are from but i dont. She doesnt want to compromise with me on this. I start my Bachelors in AeroSpace Engineering in 6 mo. and she doesnt want to live around the world. I do. She is very physically abusive and calls it "playing" what do i do in this situation when talking doesnt work?
2006-07-06 05:20:54 · 65 answers · asked by joseph c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you was a female, all of the answers would have been leave, run away, and blah blah blah. You need to get help, because all that is going to happen is she is going to keep abusing you and then one day you may snap and end up beating her. Who do you think will go to jail first? You can go into marriage counseling and have her take anger management classes if you truly want to save your marriage. Let her know that she is hurting you when she is so called playing. Not everyone takes everything the same. When you start school let her know that you want to stay there to finish school, if she wants to truly move to Texas then let her. After school, then compromise about living abroad. Live here for some years and then move abroad for some years. You guys will have to sacrifice in order to be happy but that's marriage and that's life.
Good luck and think things through. Talk to your wife and let her know how you feel and find out how she truly feels. Don't rush into anything, you may regret it later.
2006-07-06 05:40:27 · answer #1 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please suggest counselling for the both of you to attend together. She maybe feeling very scared about being left on her own in an unfamiliar place when you start college, etc. & her physical aggression towards you might be the only way she knows how to express the fear that she's feeling.
If she refuses to go with you to counselling, then you'll have to put heartbreak aside and act. The Ace you're holding is the fact that everything is in your name - play the card. If she wants to move back to Texas, let her... but with her own resources. Maybe having some time apart will help you both figure out what you truly want out of a relationship.
If this relationship has truly run its course, you will have learned a powerful lesson regarding anyone else in your future. Communication is key in discovering whether you & your intended have a shared vision of your relationship & your lives together. Some things cannot be compromised.
I feel for you in this situation. Not nice. You sound young, with your whole life, hopes & dreams in front of you. Continue with them... I wish you well.
2006-07-06 05:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by rdsukh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one ... man or woman deserves to be physically abused ... No one!! Call it 'playing' or not ... someone being struck in anger IS abuse!
If talking doesn't work and she isn't willing to go to counseling then it really narrows down your choices here.
I would hope that you had discussed your schooling and desire to travel around the world prior to your wedding day. It sounds to me like you both want completely different things in life and neither of you are willing to budge.
Something things just aren't meant to be ... and its time for everyone to move on and refocus on what they want. If you haven't already ... please don't bring children into the situation hoping things will change ... because they most likely won't.
If counseling doesn't work ... and you've exhausted all other avenues ... then I say its time to send her back home to Texas so that you can focus on your Bachelors in Aerospace Engineering and travel the world.
Best of luck to you.
2006-07-06 05:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole where we are going to live thing is a red herring. If she is physically abusive why are you putting up with it? Leave get out you don't want to wait until you have children and then teach them that this abuse is "playing." If you were a woman everyone that answered this would be saying get an attorney and get out and you know what. Men should do the same thing you're worth more than that get out of there before someone get seriously hurt.
2006-07-06 05:36:15 · answer #4 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down with her. Sound's like she's use to getting her way with you. Let her know she's in the marriage for better or worse and you going to AeroSpace school is definetly for the better. I do understand her saying she doesn't want to live around the world, but that's no excuse for the physical abuse.
Give your wife a dose of her own medicine and tell her you're just joking and see if she llike's that. You guy's definetly need to sit down and talk. See if you can come to some type of agreement, if not you guys need to go you seoerate way's.
2006-07-06 06:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by Shay~Shay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are two completely different people with two completely different goals. If you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out of it. It is not simple because you cannot just stop loving someone or wanting to try again to see if it will be better. It never gets any better and only makes you feel worse as time goes on. It is better to end it now and go on with your life knowing you did everything you could to make it work.
2006-07-06 05:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by lovestosweep43 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, get counseling. Second, did she know what field you were entering into? Find out why she changed? She should have know that there was a possiblity that she would live around the world. That is like marrying someone in the military and expecting to stay in one place. It just does not happen. Don't put your dreams on hold. Go fot it. Get out before children are involved. She needs to grow up.
2006-07-06 05:25:04 · answer #7 · answered by Helen L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave! If she doesn't want to move with you for your job, there is little chance you will make it. If you give up your career choice for her, you will be unhappy. If she is physically abusive, file a police report against her. That way there is evidence. Also, it doesn't matter if EVERYTHING is in your name, the fact that you are married, grants her 1/2 of everything. IF you do plan to leave her, I would get the things you want out of the house and into storage before you go.Talk to an Attorney
2006-07-06 05:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by Fire Storm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spousal abuse is spousal abuse -- even if the wife is the abuser. The problem is that if she hits you and you call the police, it is likely that they will arrest you. This is absolutely true if you try to defend yourself. Just ask former quarterback Warren Moon.
Battered men rarely call for help and when they do, the police just can't believe. To put an end to the danger, they will take someone away. Guess who?
Your best bet is to leave. This will not stop unless you confront her directly and unless she gets help.
2006-07-06 05:34:07 · answer #9 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a lawyer and get out of this abusive situation. It will only get worse. You were smart to keep everything in your name. You are an educated intelligent man so you know that this is a very bad situation. Move on and don't look back.
2006-07-06 05:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋