I just got into a huge arguement with my husband. He's not happy with himself and makes it miserable for me. Not verbally or physically abusive, but just very much keeps to himself. I try to talk to him, but he barely reponds. I know that he's not having an affair because he is always home. I'm sad because I know he's miserable and can't help him. He refuses to seek any type of counseling. He now thinks he wants to live alone because he's making me and our son unhappy. I just want to help him but don't know what to do. I can't talk to him because he won't listen. What is my next step other than separating?
2006-07-06 05:13:38 · 13 answers · asked by pamela_d_99 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He refuses to go to the Dr and he pretty much doesn't talk to his family. I know he's depressed, but I can't seem to convey the importance of seeking a dr. for this. If he moves out, then I don't know what will become of him.
2006-07-06 05:25:42 · update #1
He says he's unhappy because he's not financially able to quit his job, he's overweight, unmotivated, uninterested in life. He wanted to retire at 40 and he'll be 40 in October.
2006-07-06 05:27:44 · update #2
This is a bit vague..why isn't he happy with himself? What does he need a new job? career counseling low self esteem? counseling. When he begins to ignore you that could be a plea for help to know if you really care for him or a need for attention. Give him some hugs, or just even casually touch in on his back or whatever you feel you can do but don't talk seek to listen mainly.
I would prepack a bag with some funds in it and hide it so whenever he goes into this I won't listen mode tell him you and son are going to visit a friend you will call him. If when you call he still doesnt want to talk ask him if he still wants to be alone? if yes spend the night somewhere safe. ( no men) either in a hotel or girlfriends house who can vouch for you as his trust of you may not be high.
When you come back write him a note telling him how you feel. if he still doesnt want to communicate go to a counselor yourself to find a solution.
I would begin to save some funds as he may be taking you to a divorce court soon. At least be prepared for the worst. Do not argue with him verbally only write your concerns gently on paper or with your active moving out of his life periodically to give him space...if he just needs some alone time that may all it takes. but couples counseling would be recommended
2006-07-06 05:28:16 · answer #1 · answered by Phyllis C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try sitting him down and telling him how you feel and your concern for him. That you don't like seeing him this unhappy and that you would like to know why or what is causing him to feel this way. That though it is not healthy for him to be this way around his son this way he can be a better example to his son by trying to deal with this problem and showing his son how to be a man and face problems head on because when one person goes through things ina family it affects the whole family and they stick together to get through it. If this continutes once you explain how you feel then stop responding to him when he behaves this way let him take the emotional rollercoaster ride alone. You're not there to fix his problems only to be there for him. He has to come to want to have the problem fixed before anything can be done. But if being there for him becomes more than you can bear than you have to think about you and your son. He could be going through a mid life crisis, stress with his job, problems with a close friend...something you can do to try to take his mind away from the problem and help him open up to you would be to take a smalll trip away from home.Being away from whatever is causing this for a few days may make him feel a little different long enough to tell you what's going on.
2006-07-06 05:36:17 · answer #2 · answered by missconduct 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's depressed abotu something he'd rather not speak about at this time try being supportive of him keep trying to talk to him, how old is he he maybe going through mid life crisis men go through those things too! Does he have a best friend he can talk to have you noticed any other wierd changes in his behavior he my be depressed or trying to deal with something you need not know at this time so remain supportive don;t just up and leave!
2006-07-06 05:27:14 · answer #3 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had a lot of similar experiences and it gets so frustrating because they just don't talk to us and our nature is to try and help and fix things. I don't think it is because they are hiding things, I believe they do not know how to express their emotions or even know what is bothering them. It is probably boredom or stress. Start by going for a walk (if he will) and ask simple question. One at a time. Keep it simple and if he says something on his own ask another question to keep him expressing himself. Even if you are not getting what you expect he will eventually start trusting you to talk again. Just remember don't give your opinion just yet, just get him to start talking. My husband and I see the same thing and always think something completely different about it. It used to cause fights now it is unbelievably funny how very different we think about things. Good Luck!
2006-07-06 05:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's suffering from serious depression, which you already know. You're doing everything you can by encouraging him to get help - that's what he needs. When people get depressed, they stop realizing the options they do have in their life.
He needs to be willing to help himself. Look into hypnotherapy. It's a very quick way of dealing with depression, if you find one that's experienced in dealing with that.
2006-07-06 05:38:48 · answer #5 · answered by locolady98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does he say when you ask why he's so unhappy? If he can't be happy with himself,then he's just making everyone else unhappy,then,perhaps you should leave. ASk him to get help for everyone's sake,then,if he refuses,tell him there will be consequences
2006-07-06 05:25:28 · answer #6 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if he would be willing to go with you to a counselor. Short of that, try a pastor or non-involved third party. Take care and remember to temper whatever is said with gentleness and love.
2006-07-06 05:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's playing the "feel sorry for me" card. Why is he not happy with himself? You're doing well to make him feel supported and cared for.
2006-07-06 05:17:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think for himself he needs to figure out what its bothering him. Obviously he is not happy about himself. He needs to do something to fix that so he can treat everyone else with respect.
2006-07-06 05:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by cawecm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is suffering from depression, go to the Doctor.
2006-07-06 05:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by ceffedupwithwhiners 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋