Help with miscarriage?

Question

I have tried for years to get pregnant. Finally I did but less than a week after I found out I was pregnant I miscarried. How do u cope with this? I keep thinking about what my little one would have become. How I'll never find out. Also I wanted to know if I should tell the father. (he moved out of state before I found out I was pregnant) I know that he didn't want any more kids so I'm not sure whether or not to tell him but I think he deserves to know about the baby.

Let me rephrase. I tried for years, this was a new relationship, and I really didn't think I'd get pregnant.

He is a very caring understanding person and I think he can help me deal with this. He will be coming back in a couple of weeks.

Answer 1

I had two pefectly normal pregnancies, one before and one following a miscarriage. I still wonder after 2 years what that child would have become. It seems unfortunate that people can try and try to have as healthy a pregnany as possible, but the body just rejects it. I went over and over in my head of all the things that could have caused me to miscarry, but in all likelihood, it was nothing I did. It just wasn't meant to be.

I was lucky; I had my BF with me through the whole thing. While neither of us wanted another child at that time, we each felt deeply about the life we created that wasn't meant to be. Without him, I would have been a wreck. losing that child opened up alot of discussions that we had never thought of having and brought us together on a more emotional level to cope with this. I hope that you have a good support system to help you through this. Thats what did it for me. And Time.

Your post did not mention an age, only that you had been trying for years to get pregnant. I hope that if you should become pregnant, that you have a stable parner in your life. Losing a pregnancy is hard, having children is even harder!!

I think the father probably does deserve to know about the baby and your situation, but it may, if you tell him, backfire. He may say that it was for the best and remind you again that he wanted no more children (not so nicely, maybe!) You don't need that added stress and sadness in your life right now. Maybe, if the two of you cross paths and are in a friendly relationship, then you will tell him. Maybe not. No one can tell you what to do in a situation like that... you know the father and how he would react.

Answer 2

HI, I had an ultrasound to find out what I was having boy/girl(i was 4 months along) and when they did the ultrasound there was no heartbeat. I couldn't believe it....and still can't. It is surreal. I don't know how to deal with this either. And don't really have an answer because I can't find one either. I just think about seeing the baby during the ultrasound but not seeing the heartbeat. It had died about 2 weeks ago and i had been carrying it . The father of my baby was my fiance.....but did not want the baby so we split up about 3 months into the pregnancy. If I were you and you know he doesn't want any more kids I would not tell him. Get support with friends and family. That is one that thing that is keeping me going. There is no reason to bring him down to. I don't know if you had a relationship with the father or what...or if you still talk. But if you don't then I would just leave it alone and find ways to deal with this. Like I said in the beginning of the "answer" I told you I didn't have one, but I will say without support from someone you will have a much harder time. I am sorry for your loss and wish you luck if you try again. My prayers are with you.

Answer 3

First I am sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage.

Second, I would probably let the 'father' know. Simply because even though he may not have wanted any more children, he will always wonder about the child that you were carrying.

Third: The body is an interesting machine. There are some schools of thought that the body has in internal knowledge of what is going on. With that in mind, the body KNOWS if a pregnancy should go to term and if it deems it (the fetus) 'wrong' it will abort it. I realize that this may sound cold or even stupid, but how could it be refuted?

Again I am sorry for you loss, but take some solace in the fact that maybe your body was right, even though your heart may feel otherwise.

TFTP

Answer 4

You cope like the drunks do, one day at a time. I too had a miscarriage, and reccently had a dream that I had actualy had the baby, I woke up very shaken. Its hard, but really you can't think of what could have been, just what is. The more time passes the easier it will get.

I really don't get though how if you were trying to get pregnant, the father didn't know. I do not think you should nessarily tell him. If you are friends with him, and or in a relationship then maybe. But otherwise, it won't really do you or him any good. Especially if he didn't want a baby, he could say something, even un intentionally, that could hurt you.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby to miscarriage six weeks ago. You just have to take one day at a time. Everything you are feeling is quite normal. You will be sad for a long time and you need to grieve for your loss. Name your baby because it is hard to mourn for a child with no name. Plant a tree or name a star in memory of your baby. This is something you will never get over, but have faith, one day you will be reunited with your little one. I think you should tell the father because that was his child and he has a right to know. I will pray for you. I attached some websites for you on how to deal with your loss. Best wishes and good luck in the future.
Mobidus Lee obviously has no clue what he is talking about. Unfortunately you'll get comments like that a lot. Most things people say, that have not been in your situation, will be hurtful to you. Its not because they are trying to be mean, they just don't know what you are going through. Keep your chin up!

Answer 6

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. I miscarried a couple times as well. It's a haunting, sad experience.
The best thing to do is to allow yourself to feel your grief. Others might try to tell you snap out of it, or try again, move on... blah blah blah.... Feel what you need to feel, first. And, if you have a faith tradition or spiritual beliefs, now is the time to draw upon those wisdoms for some comfort.
Telling the father depends on your current relationship with him. If you two are still friends, and he can be gently understanding then yes, tell him. If you two are estranged, then perhaps it can wait till sometime in the future.
Choose a couple friends, or family and let them help you through this time. A support group (online or in person) might be a safe, helpful way to see this to the other side as well.
Love to you!

Answer 7

I am very sorry for your loss. My wife miscarried in much the same way many years ago. She took it hard and it took her a while to get over it. You should spend as much time as possible with the people you love and talk with them about it.

There is no reason to tell the father since he was long gone and didn't even know about the pregnancy. The only reason to tell him is if you think it will help you to get over it.

Good luck to you. I hope you can process this successfully and have all the children you want in the future.

Answer 8

It's much easier to have a baby when you're in a relationship where two people really care. I am not sure you will get the spport you're looking for from this man, but I am sorry for your loss.

I think if you were to join a miscarriage recovery group at http://www.parentsoup.com or http://www.babycenter.com you would find women who feel the way you feel and know how to help you get better.

I've had two miscarriages, but I also have two healthy children and, I want you to know that this is common, especially for first pregnancies, and that it doesn't mean you cannot have children.

Good luck and please get some support from the resources I mentioned above.

Answer 9

A lot of times miscarriages happen because there is something wrong with the baby. I have had many miscarriages and all you can do is move on. Surround yourself with positive people. I don't think I would tell the father unless you know for SURE he is going to be supportive and comforting to you.

Answer 10

well if you want to put yourself through the pain of telling him about the miscarriage, then go ahead....personally I wouldn't. I mean..he left you, what more is there? That's hard enough to deal with but what GOOD will come of telling him about the miscarriage? Just because you think she should know is not a good enough if an answer. Now if you hadn't miscarried then yea, you'd need to tell him. I think telling him about it will just dredge up more hard feeling and sadness in you....

Now, dealing with a miscarriage....well you need to allow yourself to mourn, go through the steps of grief.... And too, remember that God must have decided that one was too special to send down to earth, so he kept her for himself. You'll get a child..jest be patient. And too, you might want to get checked out by a doc if you are having repeated miscarriages. I"m sorry for your loss, and I wish you luck.