What is wrong with people today?

Question

Why do people feel they can have kids but not get married first? I feel so sorry for children these days. They don't want to make a commitment to get married but they will have a child with someone that they will have to deal with for the next 18 years. I just don't get it.

Well, that was fun, wasn't it?

I have been married for 6 years. We have a 4 year old and adopted a 2 year old. I have never had any children that I didn't plan for. Each one was thought out thouroughly. And when I didn't want children I was on this thing called birth control. It isn't a hard thing to do. There whould be no mistakes. And for all you people that responded negatively, I can tell that you made mistakes.

BTW, I'm 42.

Answer 1

I have to agree with you. It doesn't make any sense and the kids end up losing. I have seen it so many times. I don't care what people do with their lives, but when you get children involved, it's not about YOU anymore. Marriage and kids go together. Not shacking up and having a kid with every guy/girl you meet. You do that and you'll be visiting your kids in jail; or will be standing in the welfare line for the rest of your life. Think straight! At least use birth control....let the kid have a normal family life. Thanks for bringing this up.

Answer 2

If there's a common element to be found in most dysfunctional behavior these days, it's the inability to delay gratification. We've been taught by our self-indulgent culture that it's OK to want everything and there's no need to wait.

Wrong on both counts.

You can't have everything, so we should be taught as children that the process of selecting the things we both want and need (and "deselecting" the things we don't need) is very empowering. It leads to focus, resolve and goal-setting... not exactly a hallmark of American youth today.

And what about waiting for things? If you have an extra dollar a day and a 24 hr. satisfaction threshold, your choices are $1.00 pleasures or indebtedness. But if you can wait 6 - 7 months and live without a lot of $1.00 daily crud, you can have a $200.00 experience... debt free!

Great economics and discipline lesson, but what does this have to do with children born out of wedlock?

Well, I'd suggest that 98% of those children were the result not of a quest for a child to raise and be responsible for. They are the unfortunate outcome of a quest for immediate sexual gratification coupled with poor advance birth control planning and aversion to both marriage and abortion.

If you have one of these children, the least you can do is to start teaching them that setting goals, planning for the future and delaying gratification will allow them to reap much greater rewards later on.

Maybe they'll be married, debt-free and happy when they give you grandchildren.

Answer 3

Getting married because you are having a child is the WORST reason to get married. If you are not 100% sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you should not marry them - child or no child. When people want to get divorced and they stay together "for the kids", they don't realize that by staying together and fighting and not getting along is actually harming their children emotionally because of all of the hostility in the household. Same thing when to people get married because they have a child. They think it is "good for the child" but if they don't truly want to be together, it will only wind up hurting the child when they either wind up resenting each other, or getting divorced. When you say you just don't get it, you're completely right - You don't get it! You don't have to be married to be a good parent. My parents have been divorced my entire life and they were both great parents and it's better for them to be apart and get along than be together and argue all the time. Being pregnant is the absolute worst reason to get married - it's foolish and ignorant unless you are sure you want to share your life with that person.

savagescorpio is completely correct - getting married DOES NOT make you a good parent. Don't judge situations that you couldn't possibly understand.

Answer 4

It only gets worse from there...these children become victims of their own circumstances and learn that such dysfunction of a family without a Dad or Mom is the norm and never learn what Marriage and commitment have in common...Thats why so many end up marrying and once the honey moon is over they want out or start looking for a mistress on the side...it bothers me to think were will all this lead to.

Answer 5

People are selfish, they only think of themselves (some people). I agree with you. Some people don't realize that having a kid is a lifetime commitment, it's not like having a litter of puppies. It sickens me to see children abused and unwanted, even unhappy because they're parents we're selfish and didn't think about the child's life before they had unprotected sex.

And why the heck are these people saying "getting married just because you're pregnant is wrong.." um that wasn't even the question, it was the point! You get married, THEN you have kids.

Answer 6

I really agree with you,,I think the people who do such a thing they just afraid of taking responsibilities of the life as a wife or a husband,but they don't know they're making more problems for themselves and their poor children,,and this will become a disaster in the future,bcs these children will have emotional problems for sure,bcs soul can be fed only in the family,,we just can pray for them,God may bless all the people around the world,amen

Answer 7

Well I don't ever want to get married but i would like to have kids one day why is that such a problem. My mom was never married and had 3 kids we all turned out just fine. I think the problem is people like you just sticking your nose once again where it don't belong and another thing this is America and i believe you have a free choice of marriage or not.

Answer 8

let's do a reality check here. would you prefer that all of those pregnancys had been terminated? I have no regrets about having my child. though it has been difficult to be on my own. its better then the verbal abuse I used to recieve & the physical abuse as well. She never has to hear or see that kind of life. would you prefer I had stayed in that situation for her sake? NO! For HER sake I left it. Think before you judge people. Someday you may find yourself in a situation in which you have to make the best of what you have. I'd bet my last dollar you end up divorced with a couple of kids. Then your reality will change & your opinion of all those "poor" children. Put the shoe on the other foot & remove it from your mouth.

Answer 9

Who are you to judge how other people live? I feel sorry for kids raised by someone like you. Marriage does not a good parent make, ya dig? There are married couples who fight all the time and are terrible parents and there are also unmarried parents who make their child their first priority. Do you think unplanned pregnancies should be aborted unless the people involved get married?

Answer 10

I totally agree with you and these children grow up not learning the values of family and the commitment of marriage. I remember a time when divorce was unheard of and the kid in school whose parents were divorced was an outlier. Now if your parents are still together, you're the outlier...it's amazing in a sad way...it's the broken homes that are the reason for many relationship and life problems.