is this weird...my parents and family abandoned me for no reason but I'm truly happy?

Question

Not to be bragging, just to describe myself---I am well educated, kind, and very loyal....but as soon as my parents divorced 5 years ago all of my family turned their backs on me and my brother. I feel very happy though being alone and isolated from my family. Is there a reason? I don't have too many friends , and I do have a few women on the side. I feel like the loneranger or a silent warrior...answers???

I am 24 and growing

Answer 1

Chris, there's a lot you do not say here, so I'm only speculating... but considering your parents' divorce and the reaction of the families, I'd say you were in an emotionally tough environment and learned what you needed to learn in order to survive.

Survivors are tough, independent, capable, resourceful people. The problem is that the very behaviors you developed to protect and raise yourself are now a detriment in some ways.

People in safe families learn how to depend on others, trust them, share themselves, be open to people rather than fearing their intrusion, and so forth.

It is very difficult to shift back and "unlearn" the things you did to make yourself safe, so that you can become more interdependent, not just independent, and maybe find some more fulfillment in life.

I speak from experience. I grew up in a family ruined by alcoholism. We all compartmentalized ourselves. It was a household of silence (apart from the emotional violence). My sister and I are both survivors, but I do not talk to her much -- I love her but simply have little desire to initiate communication, basically because I learned how to live without it.

I never made room for others as a child (because I couldn't), and now have trouble making room for them. I love my wife and kids but have a lot of trouble being interdependent, of spending time with people. I don't like feeling alienated and lost, but I also love being independent and not intruded upon. It's hard to deal with sometimes.

Anyway, self-introspection, talking it over with your friends, and even counseling could be helpful, just so you can learn the extent of the damage and also get a picture of what a "normal healthy" relationship looks like. Right now, you're not even sure what you're missing.

Accept the fact that you are what you are. Be proud that you did survive and become strong in some ways. Realize the limitations of that, however, and that it's time for you to learn what you missed out on in your formative years. You don't need to reach out to family right now; maybe later, as you change, you will have the desire to do so.

Take care and good luck.

Answer 2

You feel the burden of being judged constantly by ones family lifted off your shoulders.

You ARE a lone warrior, but take care..if the going ever gets tough you will need a network of friends. I too do not like the judgment of friends, but I scream inside when I have a crisis and have no one to turn to.

Now you can go out and conquer and pillage and do what ever your heart desires and your family can't scold you for it. You don't have to worry about keeping secrets from your family...Good luck and remember to build a network of friends. To heck with the family!

Answer 3

I can understand the feeling. Despite living with a room mate, I have no attachment to my parents, even though they didn't have any abandonment towards me. It could simply be the level of self-gratification that true independence gets from being alone. It's almost like total freedom, at least to me, and for some, there is no better feeling than that.

Answer 4

HArd to respond to this without more details. If your fifteen then Hang tough you are the lone warrior

However if your 37...it's a whole different story

Answer 5

It sounds like you & your brother have never been close to your family and you have an impressive level of self-sufficiency. Consider yourself lucky!!

Answer 6

To ask such a lame brained question, with no facts to go by, it is no wonder you are alone.