Why do SOME gay men have to act differently?

Question

OK sexual preference is not what I am talking about. That is what defines 'gay'.
Sean Hayes and Nathan Lane on screen is probably a exagerated version but in reallife also you see a lot of gay man just act differently - it is like they want to make sure that even people meeting them for the first time and absolutely casually woulf know that they are gay! No children act that way - even the one that would eventually come out and start acting that way - so it is not likely that they are 'BORN' that way...it is definitely an act put on - learned sometime in teens or early twenties.
What has sexual preference got to do with acting 'qu**r'? And I don't mean disrespect, I am just curious. WHy do people have to broadcast their sexual orientation? Why are not all gay men like 'Will' and some insist on acting like 'Jack'?

Answer 1

You're right: what you're describing is partly a learned behavior.

But all behavior is learned. Nobody is born with a goth look or deliberately goes around with a "sagging" diaper saying "Duuuude."

Partly it comes from discrimination: if you're told often enough that you're a "sissy" or a "tomboy," you begin to act in certain ways to either deny or confirm it. Sort of the attitude of "You thought that was bad, wait till you see this!"

And because of being pushed down or out by the world, many gay men particularly have identified with female film and music starts who represented something "on the outside" but reacted with strength and bravura. Look at the list of "Great Gay Divas":
--Joan Crawford (whose career had as many ups and downs as her love life and always projected strength)
-- Barbra Streisand (in her early career, she created a "kooky" image because of her lack of traditional beauty)
-- Bette Midler (not only got her start singing in gay bath houses, but created an image of "flash and trash" to be outrageous)
--Bette Davis (also not a traditional beauty, but strong on screen)
--Madonna (at her start, had an "outsider" look that then others copied, also very strong)
--Judy Garland (gave herself completely to her audience and endured many career highs and lows...and had a gay father)

These women gave gay men hope in a time when there was little reason to be hopeful -- and part of it was through their strength. We all learn behavior from film and TV -- I just think that gay people are more likely to recognize it. Well, many gay men learned about strength from these women,in a time when there weren't strong gay male examples... and the behavior has lingered.

Why has it endured? Homosexuals don't have something that makes us naturally identifiable to each other, like skin tone, so certain behaviors have developed for that. How do birds in the wild find each other? By their songs. It's their own particular songs that help them... it's the same kind of thing, to have something that enables us to easily find and identify each other.

Some gay men, of course, insist on acting more like Will than Jack -- not because it necessarily comes natural to them but because they don't want to be identified as gay. There were a set of gay men in the late 70s and early 1980s called "clones" who projected a hyper-masculine image that was the total opposite of the stereotype of gay men. Of course, it just created a new kind of recognizable homosexual because it was so far in the other direction.

Finally, it's fun. I can have more fun as anyone camping it up than I can just walking around going, "Dude" all the time. Is that all I am? Of course not.

And anyone who finds it disgusting (I'm not saying you) because it's "acting like a woman" is exposing their own hatred of women. What behavior is inherently masculine, except peeing standing up? And WHEN have you ever seen a woman act like a gay man can?

Answer 2

Well you got to realize most gay men when they are younger have to hide thier sexual orientation. When they do finally get to show how they are they go a bit overboard. Kind of like someone on a diet. When they come off of it they eat like a pig. This is from the lack of having what they crave. In the case of a gay man it's freedom. When we come out we want to scream and yell who we are. We want to advertise it. It is a natural progression.

Now most that act so flamboyant do eventually settle down as they grow older and mature. They realize they didn't have to act this way to be noticed. There are also some that never act like this nor ever would.

Last these people you are wondering about are individuals. If this is what they chose to wear or act, then let them and accept them. We gay men have to put up with the straight men who think it's fun to wear bright and load colored clothing, run around a huge course and hit a small ball. It's call golf. I can assure you most golfers have no fashion sense. Do you hear us complaining about them?

Let everyone express thier choice. Let them be free and accept them.

Answer 3

Actually, I work at a daycare and some boys do act like that naturally. Until I started this job I would be on your side. I am a huge gay rights supporter but I agree that it is annoying to have in shoved in your face all the time. But there is this one little boy at my work who acts so much like a girl it is ridiculous. I really do think that people are born that way and that sometimes it is just hard to discover it.

You may also be thinking of transgender people. I had a guy friend who acted very girly but liked girls. He said, he was a lesbian stuck in a man's body. It was confusing at first but I can understand not wanting to be in your own body. I can also understand lesbians, so it makes sense really. He had a sex change and is now much happier.

I think that this Will -vs- Jack thing is just not thought out all the way. It is the same reason that there are really girly girls and girls that are very rugged and out-doorsy. Everyone is different.

Answer 4

Some gay men are more effeminate than others. Some are also very dramatic. Mix dramatic with effiminate and that's what you get. There are many gay men, too, that are very masculine and you would never know they're gay unless they told you.

The reason some.....remember...SOME...gay men 'advertise' their gayness and 'act queenie' is probably because they feel oppressed (do you blame them), and their answer to that is "in your face".

I believe you are correct when you say they weren't born acting this way. It is a learned thing....usually in the late teens up to the 20s. Eventually, most of them drop the 'queen' act in time and grow up. Some don't....or seem to not drop the queen act because they are just effeminate and that's they way it is.

I wouldn't put so much faith in the way people act.
After all, it IS just an act.

It's the same thing with, say, straight women. Not all of them act the same way. Why would you expect all gay men act the same way?
Good question.
It's called "diversity".

Answer 5

This is the very behavior that has sparked the g0y movement. G0ys are not the hyper masculine men of the late 70's or early 80's. We are men who are into other men but not gay. We are not into the effeminate stereotypical gays, we don't do anal sex and we don't hop into bed with just any guy. A g0y relationship takes many months or even years to reach the intimacy required for any type of sexual encounter. The g0y experience is about friendship that is so intense that sexual expression is the only thing left to share with your buddy. There is no jealousy in a g0y relationship as a person can have many friends and discretion is a must to any g0y relationship. You don't get tender on your best dude and then tell others. This is why g0ys are so hard to distinguish from straight guys. Many of them have only guy relationships but an even larger percentage are also in traditional male/female relationships too. We never compare the two different types of relationships because they are vastly different. In a g0y relationship you are as best friends as two guys can be and you have a bond of trust that goes beyond the normal pal around type of friendship. You know your bud would be there in a heartbeat if you needed him for anything. Just like you would for him. You can rely on a g0y bud. A g0y would take a bullet for his buds. He knows his buds feel the same way.

I am not against gays who want to act the part of the fem gurly man but I am not attracted to them either.

Be warned if you click on the link below that there are picuteres of nude men engaged in frot in the site as well as examples of the type of behavior that is decidedly not g0y.

Answer 6

I think that these people are naturally this way. The may not have been when they were younger, but as you get older you change. When I was younger I was always tom-boyish BUT my voice was very "girl-ish" somehow my voice had deepened and on the phone people can no longer tell i'm female on the phone. This, obviously, is not a concious decision on my part, it just kind of happened and developed as I did. Same thing for these men, maybe they were effeminite when they were young, maybe they were not, but it is naturally who they are NOW.

You probably do have some over- play this stereotype. These are the ones who may be going over-board cause they are finally free to act as they choose. Maybe, but I think most effiminite men are just naturally that way.

In addition, gender roles are enitrely a learned behavior. There's a culture in New Guinea, I forget the name...that have perfect role reversal of Americans and many other cultures. The women hunt, fish, work, initiate courtship, while men adorn themselves with flowers and jewelry and concern themselves with beauty and the arts and things like that.

Answer 7

Okay, I don't know who Will or Jack is, but not only gay men do this. Women play blonde or dumb, because they know that men like to be dominant cave man types. I guess that gay males just picked up a tip from the girls and adopted the same approach.

I do feel that some people like to shove their lifestyle down your throat whether it is sexuality, religion, or the almighty dollar. That's just their nature and desperate need for attention. Low self esteem really.

Answer 8

You are wrong for thinking this way. You have probably only been surrounded by this one of MANY types of gay men. There are just as many overly masculine gay men as feminine ones. Perhaps a Gay Leather Levi Biker club visit will change your mind. Oh and by the way, same goes for the gay women. There are just as many Lipstick lesbians as butch ones

Answer 9

Many gay men feel that they have to take on a feminine trait in order to accept their sexuality. I disagree with this notion. In fact I've encounter several individuals that literally told me that I'm closeted because I was too Butch!

Answer 10

Its a matter of personal choice. Why do some women dress "cheaply" and why do some men dress like lounge lizards?