Do other people really live like this????

Question

This morning my dog peed on the floor. My husband stepped in it, proceeded to scream and yell at me. I asked him to stop (I didn't pee on the floor) He thought I was defending the dog. He was in the bathroom and yelled that if the dog could get away with it he could too, then he peed all over the bathroom floor and demanded I clean it up. I told him I wouldn't, and that I was tired of being treated this way, and would be preparing to leave him if he doesn't get help. After he cleaned the bathroom, he said that if I threaten to leave again he will pack and go. (Is this a promise or threat?) I guess my real question is why can't I just leave??? I haven't the money, but I know there are shelters.... but I feel so ashamed....I know I need help. Please only serious answers.

Answer 1

He does need help. You do too, you are not living with an adult, you are living with a child. If it is your house stay, unless there is physical violence. If it is not his house then set some firm rules, reasonable, "Don't yell and pee on my floor would be a start". The dog can stay he just pees cuz he's nervous around you, however you may go the next time you act like this and stick to it. Reminder if he is a violent person get out now, there is no cure unless the violent person enters tx.

Answer 2

Wow talk about a little boy trapped in a mans body can any one say TEMPER TANTRUM.. cause that what he did.. He wont leave.. so i dont think its neither a promise or a threat, men like that talk alot of crap. I think you need to start thinking of how you can get away from him, make a game plan. But dont u ever feel ashamed about getting help even from a shelter , i know it seems degrating, but u should only feel ashamed if you let yourself stay with someone that treats you this way , not of starting over, the shelter is just a stepping stone to your next move.. Do you have any family or friends that could possibly help you get on your feet? Your a smart woman, smart enough to know that this isnt a good environment for you, now use that brain to figure out how to get away from him . Try talking to a church, i had a friend that was in a abusive relationship and they gave her money to help get out of the situation.. so its worth a try.. Be safe, and good luck to u..

Answer 3

You should not feel ashamed. If anyone should be, it's your husband. Don't be embarrassed to be in this situation...there are many other women who are in similar shoes. Now is the time to get a new pair of shoes though. The shelters you speak of are designed to help women just like you get back on your feet. You can do this and you shouldn't have to stand for a husband who treats you with such disrespect. I think you're having a hard time leaving because it's scary venturing off into the unknown, but I promise the unknown is going to be much better than sticking around with this guy. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

If this is typical of your husband's behavior, then it has to stop. Or, you have to put yourself far enough away from it that you are no longer subject to such hideous and abusive treatment.

I don't expect that asking him to stop (ha!) has ever had the slightest effect, and so it may be time for you to make some other arrangements.

Let me ask you an important question: were you ashamed when the dog peed on the carpet? Of course not, the dog's behavior is not under your control. It's the same with your husband; you don't control him. No one can directly control the behavior of another adult.

Because in this situation all you can do is react, I hope that you decide the best thing to do is to protect yourself. You didn't say if any children are involved (I hope not), but if there are, this triples the urgency, don't you agree?

Let the people who have dedicated themselves to protecting women in trouble and need do what they have put themselves forward to do: let them protect you.

Answer 5

I can sympathize. I was in a very unhappy relationship (quite like yours) for a long time and I couldn't make myself leave either for years !! I can't give you an answer why it's so hard really. Maybe because that even though it's miserable it's still familiar and "comfortable" to stay. Also insecurity and finances as well caused me to stay for way too long. ALso it seemed for a long time to me that being with him and being unhappy was better than being alone-but it's really not !! I finally found courage and pushed myself to take that giant step and leave. I moved in with a roomate for a while and ended up finding the man of my dreams shortly thereafter. We've been married now for almost 6 years and have 2 beautiful kids and are very happy. Don't waste anymore of your life being miserable, you've got to do this for yourself. I won't lie-it's not easy. You will get through it. Don't fool yourself like I did into thinking it's normal to be like this or that things will change. In my opinion, once things reach a certain point in a relationship, you can't turn back-things just change, (such as when he peed on the floor.....)To me that's something you just don't ever forget. It's not normal. Good luck to you

Answer 6

My ex was also like this, however he never peed on the floor. You need a lot of support behind you. I left my husband with $40.00 to my name, but i had the support of everyone around me. He was in the Coast Guard, stationed in LA, but all of my family is in Kansas, so I made the decision to leave and 2 weeks later i left. I was at least 300 miles away before he even knew I was gone. There was a long road ahead but almost 4 years later I have moved on and it was all worth it. Make sure that you support behind you this is something you can not do on your own. Good luck Oh and i took the dog too.

Answer 7

Man, he sounds like a real jerk! I think it all depends on how much you love him. If you do love him and want to work it out then maybe you and him need to set aside some time together and tell him how you feel. If you know you no longer want to be with him but feel as if you can't survive financially, then I would start saving some money that way when you finally just can't stand it anymore, you will have some. Do you have any family or friends you can stay with? Maybe if you just leave for a while, he will realize how he acts and straighten up. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Honey I hate to break it to you but this guy doesn't sound like someone you should be around. He has some issues that he needs to seek help for. Leaving him to do so is the only possiable answer I can think of. You may not be able to leave him because your scared of what him might do or that you feel that you love him. Who knows maybe you do love him! But the important thing to remember here is that you don't feel comfortable around him and he doesn't seem to care wheather you're with him or not if he's threatening to leave. He needs help and you need saftey. Leave him at least for a little while so you can both clear your head and straighten out your lives.

Answer 9

You sure need to get out of that relationship. No woman should ever be treated that way, and this guy is not going to stop his hehavior. I believe that he will continue to be mean to you, and things could easily get out of hands. I can understand that it is a big task for you to leave him. Many people are together with their partner because it is a "safe" place to be, and it could seem like a to big thing to do to break out. Don't let anything stop you from leaving this guy. You will find yourself better off alone or together with someone that loves you and takes care of you the way he should do. Life can be such a good and happy place to be, and you sure seems to need some happiness. You will be happy that you left him, I will promise you that. Have a nice day!

Answer 10

He is abusive and no, other people don't live that way -- not if they have any self respect. He needs anger management. If he is threatening to leave, let him. You will be much better off. Talk to a divorce lawyer. Your husband will have to pay so don't worry about the money. Do you work? If not get a job. By the way, there are counselors and job trainers at shelters so don't feel bad about going there.

Answer 11

God is blessing you right now.

You are obviously very frustrated and frightened. Your husband is angry (and probably frustrated as well). You both need counseling. If he refuses to go then you must still go by yourself. If you don't want to work to save the marriage then work at getting out. If there is a divorce you will be entitled to part of the joint assets.

But please know this. Money is not a requirement for peace of mind and happiness. Some may not agree, but it is true. Look at yourself as the example. You have no peace now (and I doubt you are happy) but you have some financial security. They don't go hand in hand.

Take good care of yourself. When you do this you offer a better you to the world and that improves all of us.

Contact me if you want more discussion.