Several years ago I purchased a home and recently began remodeling it. Everything was gutted and I started from scratch. New electrical and plumbing systems, new fixtures, cabinets, flooring, you name it I purchased it. It is still not quite done and there are several things left that have to be purchased. I recently became engaged and my fiance said he'd pay for the entire wedding. Now he's changed his mind and insists my parents pay half the costs. Since he is going to be living in my house that I have sunk all my money into, is it fair for him to do this? Shouldn't he at least pay for the wedding considering how much money I have invested in OUR house already?
2006-07-06 02:38:57 · 21 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he's hit some financial troubles if he offered to pay and now can't... might check his pockets for his plane ticket to Vegas.
2006-07-06 02:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enough to be purchasing and refurbishing a house--you're old enough that your parents shouldn't be paying a dime for your wedding! As for the fact that he's changed his mind and is insisting that your parents pay for half the cost of the wedding--either he's not as financially stable as you or he thought, the wedding is too costly or this guy is just after your money. As for the question about him moving into your house that you've sunk so much money into--you'd be moving into his house that he'd sunk money into if the situation were reversed! You also answered your own question there--you said "OUR house" that's exactly what it will be AFTER the wedding, unless you have a prenuptial agreement stating that the house will continue to be YOUR property no matter what. If that's the case, be prepared to pay for everything the house needs out of your pocket and expect a very uncomfortable marriage! Marriage is hard enough without adding the money factor to it--speak to him about your concerns, then seek counseling for both of you BEFORE you go any further with this relationship--it will help you no matter what else happens.
2006-07-06 09:54:28 · answer #2 · answered by tkltafoya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.... no. He shouldn't. Tradition is that the bride's family pays for the wedding. Him offering to pay even half is a great gesture on his part, even if he took back the paying for the whole thing. Maybe he can't afford it, or wants to spend the "left over" money for other things... a honeymoon maybe... Either way, you shouldn't hold the cost of the wedding over his head like this. The way it sounds with the house is that you started renovating it for YOU. Not for the two of you. So even though you'll be living there together, you can't really say "Well I paid for this so you pay for that" That's not how a marriage works. If you're really bothered by everything, talk to your man. Nothing is going to get solved until you find out why he only wants to pay half now.
2006-07-06 09:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. Usually parents pay for the wedding anyway, so in your case it's nice of him to pay half. I'm sure that if he could he would pay for the entire wedding but perhaps he can't financially support you and the cost of your wedding. If this is bothering you so much then you should tell him that you feel put out by him not paying for the wedding and then wanting to live in a house you have pretty much rebuilt.
2006-07-06 09:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by divaintraing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! that is a tough problem. you are both going to have to compromise. is it really worth the argument? your special day will be ruined or there will be bad feelings if there is arguing. can he afford to pay for the wedding?
remember, you had the house before the fiance so you can't really use the cost of repairs as leverage in this.
regardless of what he said he would do, the brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding, unless this is a second wedding. but it is hard to get pass the fact that he said he would pay for it.
i think paying for half is fair considering he offered.
2006-07-06 09:52:01 · answer #5 · answered by KAREN A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He changed his mind?? hummmmmm more expensive then he thought?? Why dont you try toning down the price of the wedding and then see if he wouldnt mind paying for it.. Heck id tell him that your parents refuse to pay for the wedding then see what he does.. its either him pay for it at that point or zero wedding.. his choice at that point.. oh word of advice.. if this house was your's prior to the marriage, id definately get some legal advice to make sure that no matter what happens in your marriage that it always stays yours, would hate 2 years from now after u put all this hard work into a house for you to have to sell it and split it with him, or you having to buy him out of the house.. I wish you luck with your marriage but you should definately safeguard the house just incase..
2006-07-06 09:49:25 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if he is a man of his word...Generally it is your parents that foot most of the bill, however, since he had already offered and then backed out, I'd be alittle hesitant to see what else he makes offers of and doesn't come thru...he obviously has been influenced by others and so that alone throws a red flag up indicating he can be talked out of something ....then he can be talked into something...at least your parents can offer to pay for a minimal part of the wedding and your fiancee the rest...good luck.
2006-07-06 09:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he had no idea how much a wedding really does cost when he said he'd pay for the whole wedding. If that's the case, he should explain himself. There's always the possibility that he's cheap. Have you considered having him sign a pre-nup so that your house is yours, should anything happen?
2006-07-06 09:50:26 · answer #8 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For him to offer to pay half of the wedding is very generous considering that this is not his responsability...is yours.
Take it graciously and be grateful for his consideration and giving heart as many others will just lain bail out from wedding costs because, plain and simple, they don;t have to.
You will have to choose, Do you want a wedding or an empty nest? What is more important to you????
Good luck
2006-07-06 09:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually the bride's parents foot the bill for the wedding, as you know. Because he is not living with you (you didn't say....) he has no responsibility for your expenses on your house. But his backing out of half the wedding sounds like a weasel to me. I would use extreme caution. Would he help you with the house once you are married???
2006-07-06 09:45:41 · answer #10 · answered by wildbill05733 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and your fiance are not able to work out something like this, you are going to have a lot of conflict in your marriage. BOTH of you must be able to approach this union without a 'yours' 'mine' attitude. I think that the issue goes beyond what is 'fair' and calls for you to address whether you are going to be able to have a whole-hearted, lifetime partnership with this person. If you have to divide everything up, you will likely end up dividing up your marriage as well. Think carefully about how much you trust each other and how much you are able to openly share all aspects of your lives!
2006-07-06 09:47:18 · answer #11 · answered by Ellie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋