I have 3 kids and my husband and I are like roommates. Get along ok but basically living alone in the same house. No romance or sex..just being parents. We've done counseling before, but it returns to the same stuff. I don't want to disrupt my family or most importantly let God down, but do I have to live like this forever? Is this normal or is everyone having great romance and sex even when they've been married this long? Can you get the passion back after years without it?
2006-07-06 01:19:00 · 26 answers · asked by Lucy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A successful marriage requires each person to fall in love over and over again. We are constantly changing and it often happens that we grow apart. Is he a Christian? Do you attend church as a family? Do you pray together? I imagine that you've heard the saying "THE FAMILY THAT PRAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER." It is true. Stormie Omartian wrote a book titled "THE POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE" as well as several others... WOMAN and HUSBAND being two others. I suggest reading that book and maybe even the other two I mentioned. There are many other books I could suggest, but the most important book would be THE BIBLE. Maybe if you husbands sees you putting in some extra effort he will be inspired to do the same. A marriage is about give and take and sometimes you have to give more than your spouse to keep the balance. You've most likely read or heard the scripture in the Bible that mentions being equally yoked. That scripture was explained to me using the example of an ox and a donkey. They could never work together. Even if it were two oxen and one is stronger than the other... The strong one has to work harder and often makes the job very difficult. The point being you might have to work harder at it and sometimes he might. If it is all give give give by one or the other of you, it will tire you out. I pray y'all can work it out and find that romance that was once there. I've been in a similar situation. We don't have children, but we grew apart and just coexisted. We never went through counseling, but we worked through it. We fell in love with each other all over again, and honestly I think it is better this time!
2006-07-08 10:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by pottersclay70 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same situation here and I can sypathize with you. I am not stated Christian person, although I should be and I do try to live right under the eyes of God, however I have the same feelings you do. I often wonder if others out there are having a much better romanic/sexual life and I am stuck in this rut. I often wonder where or what did I do wrong or am I that unattractive etc, etc. Sometimes I feel that there has been too much water over the bridge to bring back the romance.. so I for one have given up on that idea, however I do think it is possible for a couple to get it back if both parties are receptive of the idea. Maybe talk to your husband about how you feel. Ask him what he wants out of the relationship. If he wants just a room mate for the rest of your lives.. then if it were me.. I would have to find another mate. Eighteen years is a long time to be alone but commited in a marriage in which you are obviously unhappy. I am working on my situation and I wish you the best of luck in yours.
2006-07-06 01:55:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u and ur husband need 2 try 2 remember what started the romance n the being. true after a while the sex isnt that often, but when it does happen it should b great. since u been n therapy 4 this with no luck, u 2 r going 2 have 2 remember what turned u on n the begining. keep urselfs open 2 new ideas and ways. maybe a nice getaway would help bring back some of the sparks. goodluck
2006-07-06 01:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by dottie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's crazy I know there some serious tension go in on over there but anyway what's the hold up? I could understand the not having sex if you weren't married but sex is a gift to all married couples you two need to get some time alone and work each other up to the point of no return. After that Long! I feel sorry for one of you.
2006-07-06 01:28:12 · answer #4 · answered by chell2g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you decide to stay together for religious reasons and the children then yes your going to have to live like that forever unless you do something to change it. Its quite obvious that you want to have sex or you wouldn't be talking about it. Either your going to wait until the kids get grown and divorce or have an secret affair or spice up your marriage. Try some role playing go to Victoria secret and find you a sexy outfit and pretty smelling soap and lotion and perfume and be somebody else think of a scenario a sexy one that's been in your imagination before you had kids and watch the fireworks fly.......
2006-07-06 01:29:47 · answer #5 · answered by aboitoi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was having the same problem with my husband and a friend bought me the book "Marriag God's Way", and it really helped..it is a few authors that wrote it. It worked wonders for my marriage. It takes alot of commitment to still stick it out and at the same time ask why it is happening to you...I know how it feels to pray and get no answers. But the book teaches you that your prayers are being answered...your just not seeing the answer when it comes to you. You can find the book at any Christian book store, or Books-a-Million. Amazon prolly has it. I recommend it completely..from one Christian woman to another.
2006-07-06 01:37:24 · answer #6 · answered by Peachy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cutie Pie is all wrong... Marriage is a vow. not "like a really neat thing to do for a while until I run into a challenge: You can solve this problem, BUT you both need to see it as a problem and have desire to fix it. Two can't dance if one sits down. If you both want it bad enough, find another professional and get to work. Remember to take things a bit at a time and build a new romance together. YOU HAVE TO WANNA!
2006-07-06 01:29:28 · answer #7 · answered by TJ Carpenter 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Honey, either you got to spice up your life and sex life, or get on with your life. I'm sure God wouldn't mind as he knows that you have tried and not succeeded, why don't you ask God for guidance or your priest. You will have to talk to hubby and ask him if he is happy with the way your life is with no sex and all if he says no, then ask him what is there to be done. I take it there is no more love no mre sex and staying together just for the kids does not do it, you need more than that my dear. Do something NOW
2006-07-06 01:34:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If after 18 yrs. of togetherness, 3 kid's, a marriage, a session of counciling, AND NO SEX. you haven't figured it out yet.
Sounds like trying to exercise perfection is causeing you to be extremely miserable.
If your husband won't give you any, Why don't you just ask him if he has a problem with you going to get some, After All , What have you to loose?
I hope that you recieved the attention that you were seeking.
2006-07-06 01:41:14 · answer #9 · answered by DUMMY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, Not ever married couple is having great sex. I am a catholic male and in the exact same boat. Sort of given up on sex and trying to give myself over to God more fully in place of gratifying myself with sex.
2006-07-06 01:27:26 · answer #10 · answered by ImWithYou 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋