What is the best way to deal with a 9 year old girl that is already developing?

Question

My daughter just turned 9. She has been really moody, one minute she laughs, then next she cries, then she might giggle or just be happy. She has recently started developing boobs and getting some pubic hair. she is growing up to fast. I dont know how to deal with her attitude. She is a great child but I just want to make sure I am doing her right. The only thing I can do is support her and let her know that I love her regardless. She keeps telling me it is her "hormonal syptoms." (she is too smart) I have also explained that she will not use that as an excuse to get away with things. My husband is gonna try to spend more time with her so he can help me with teaching her. (we have a special needs child that requires alot of our time and attention) My special needs child is also the center of the rest of the families attention, I think maybe my daughter might be doing some of this for attention or maybe she is going through some changes! I am trying so hard! Help me!

Answer 1

I'm 13 now, I started to develop when I was 7 and my period started when I was 9. Tough journey. I still have mood swings to date.

Do the things my mother didn't do. Does your daughter know why this is happening? You might want to get her a body book. I recommend the ones by American Girl--they have cute illustrations and are detailed but kid friendly. Also, support her and deal with her attitude. Tell her you love her and give her a hug. She might insist horrible things, like that you don't love her, but stay beside her every moment. Go for a girls day out occasionally, you will shine in her eyes.

Answer 2

My nine year old has been developing since she was seven, but it has now gotten to the point that she has to wear at least a sports training bra under her shirts. She too is going through the attitude that needs some readjusting. I however don't put up with it. If she gets mouthy and sassy I let her know that it is not tolerated and because she is still a child she goes in a sort of time out where she can calm down and readjust her attitude, when she is done she can come out and we will talk about her attitude. I know that hormones are a raging, but that is no excuse. They need to learn early that disrespect won't happen. Remember you are the parent and they are the child.

Answer 3

My nine year old went thru that last year, she is now 10. She is alot more developed than a majority of her friends. I sat her down when I found out and we had a long talk, about hygiene, what she can and cannot do. I didn't have the talk with her about the birds and the bees yet, she is not old enough for that I didn't think. We have 5 children 4 girls and 1 boy. What I have done with each girl is once they have started turning into women as we call it in our house is, once a month is a mother daughter day, I spend one day with each girl, which takes up 3 days in a month but I don't mind and we do whatever she wants to do, shop, movies , resteraunt whatever. We have a great time, sit and talk about whatever. It makes her feel special, she can count on me for whatever she needs. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Get a baseball bat for the boys! (only partially kidding)

Hurry up and teach her the facts of life if you haven't already. I'm not just talking about sex. Help her understand her mood swings and her other changes. Don't let her use it as an excuse, but be as understanding as possible. She may need a "day off" on occasion. Be sure she knows she's special too and that you love her. It's going to be a rough road for her to be developed before anybody else in her class.

She didn't get early puberty for attention. She has her own special needs now too. If she does not get those needs fulfilled at home, she will look for a boyfriend way before she is ready for one. With early puberty, the boys will stand in line. (Ready to be grandparents?)

Maybe you need to get some help to take care of your "special needs" child to make things a little more even. I don't say this lightly because I have some experience with needy kids.

Answer 5

Keep in mind that knowledge empowers. How much does your little girl understand what is happening to her? The fact that she is going through stuff that her friends probably haven't started experiencing yet might be stressing her out. The fact you have a special needs child might be adding to her feeling stressed. This IS a big deal for her and if you are implying through your actions that what she is going through is less important than what your other child is going through, you are negating her feelings and making her feel like less of a person. Here are a few things you need to start doing now: mom and daughter time. Make sure she can talk to you about what is going on. Remember that at some point YOU went through the same vulnerable time. Share those stories with her. Find ways to help her feel good about herself... otherwise she may start finding sexual outlets when she isn't anywhere close to ready. A sports team, drama class, art class... anything to make her feel special. Keep in mind she is still a little girl and needs a lot of affection. I can't tell you how desperate she is to feel like the little girl she was before she started developing. Her body is developing faster than her emotions. I also suggest at least a few sessions of family therapy. It sounds like you all have a lot on your plate and I suspect a good therapist can give you advise on how to juggle everything and give your daughter some coping methods and communication techniques that will help all of you out.

Answer 6

All I can say from my own child hood since I started developing at the same age, and some of her symptoms sound just like my own. Watch your daughter, make sure of her every move. While you're not paying attention she will be getting it elsewhere. I'm not talking about sexual activity, not at this age but kids nowadays are going at it bye age 12 some I've heard age 10. So watch her. My mom was very strict, and I thank her for that, because those hormones at that age are not joke, she's not trying to get attention!

Answer 7

I went through the same thing. I am now 26. For one thing make sure that family and your friends do not tease her. Also teach her about it. Everything from breasts to periods and sex. She will get alot more attention than the other girls from the boys. I would take her in to someplace like Victoria Secret and get her a bra that fits and teach her about personal hygene like deodorant and how to deal with your period. My mom was too shy about it and I wish that she would have spent more time on the issue. Make a mom and daughter day and just keep her informed.

Answer 8

thats when i started developing, and I'm a special needs child, so i got all the attention i wanted, needed, diddn';t want, hated, but i turned out just fine
it's kindof creepy to have older men look at you in a sexual way when your hat age, which happened to me, so you need to talk about that with her if its happening
and might be doing what for attention? growing up? being emotional? some girl have more mood swings than others, this may really be the case here

Answer 9

Teach her to have a sense of humor about the changes she is going through. I started to develop around age 8 and my mom taught me to laugh about having mood swings and being the only one in my class that has boobs. It made a big difference during those years where I was the only one of my friends who had started puberty, and it still serves me well today.

Answer 10

OH GOSH! The LAST thing a girl wants when she's going through puberty is her dad getting involved. Just let it be the way it was before. She doesn't want any special attention. She'll notice and it will make her feel weird.