Am I wrong to want to kick out my relatives?

Question

My aunt is 38 years old, single, and still lives at home with mom and dad.
She's had quite a few jobs, but somehow ends up getting laid off or things don't work out. She went to college, majored in English, and graduated in the top of her class. She was out on her own for a while, but in the last 5 years, she's come back home twice, for at least 2 years each time.
She's currently at home, paying rent (which is usually late), and acts appauled if someone asks her to help out around the house. She has a form of depression and her job in retail doesn't allow her any insurance...so she can't get new meds. She has extremely expensive taste (= lots of debt) and won't settle for anything less. She sleeps all day, everyday (when she's not working), and she drives me crazy!
(I live with my grandparents and also put up with this every day...)
Dad want's to kick her out and make her stand on her own 2 feet, but mom thinks she needs more time.
Am I over-reacting in wanting her gone?

Answer 1

No I don't think so, she sounds like she is perfectly capable of getting out there and honestly it may be best for everyone in your family. I wouldn't say it's greedy or anything, because someday her resources will run out and she will need to fend for her herself.

Answer 2

Depression is hard to deal with, however, your frustration also shows your sensitivity by taking time to reach out, before coming to any final decision, wow, what a wonderful demonstration of self-control! There is no time schedule when it comes to treating depression, everyone is different, but add, that just medication alone, is not the answer. It's almost a community effort in a sense, I'd say and in this I mean, a family doctor who is also referring a patient to a professional i.e. sphycologist, thereapist etc to monitor together the success of the patient's care and medication evalution, with keeping an eye on their physical side effects if any. As frustrated as you are, which is understandable, try not to be too hasty, as for more information, it is fact that it does take a toll on a person's body, which is why they feel tired most of the time, and rest is needed. Depression can affect the nervous system, and only a doctor knows how to diagnose and treat it. Some are known to have serious complications. Most people are not aware of the seriousness of this, but it should not be taken lightly. With all that said, gentle and positive motivation is good. Outings are great...not too much all at once, slow and gradual, and that's where patience is key. If participation is a problem, approach it with more of a gentle invitational way, making her feel good about contributing, kinda like asking her if she wouldn't mind helping you set the table, make a salad, etc...again slow and gradual each day or every other day, keeping in mind, her rest is very important, but be sure to see her diet is also being met. Sorry, there is no easy answer here, but love and acceptance will go a long way, therefore I suppose, your parents could use your help here, in being supportive that way, to help ease them a bit. Hope that helps some, wishing you strength in your decisions, good luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like she getting over on her Parents. It would be different
if she was helping out at home. Thats the respectful thing to do
since her Father and Mother is paying all the bills. Her, Father
should give her tough love NO BUTTS!!. This should open up her eyes. If it doesn't she's just plain LAZY. I lived with my Parents until I was 28 and to top it off I had a daughter (now 21)
But I gave my father money for rent and bought grocery for everyone living in the home. there's no excuse for anyone. And
if she wants to buy expencive clothes then HELLO!! GET A JOB.

Answer 4

Look its simple. You say she has an illness. How are you going to make that problem go away by throwing her out? If you do and she kills herself or hurts herself....god forbid, what would you say then? First things first. Get her on public assistance medicare, medicaid, or mediCAL, whichever whatever, but its typically free and she can get perscription drugs for free or next to nothing. Once she is stable, have her work on her finances. She can set up automatic allottments through her bank so that you guys get your rent money, her car payment or whatever else gets automatically withdrawn so that she can have the remaining to eat or shop or whatever with. Banks offer this service either for a small fee or for free. So now, instead of just wanting her to get up on her own two feet and wishing things were better, make them better. Some people dont think they need help, there may be some yelling, but that yelling will turn to hugs when its all said and done and you need to do this for her and yourself.

Answer 5

unfortunately i have a feeling you really get no say in it all. if her parents have allowed it for years nothing will change. they probably feel sorry for her or like it's there fault. they are the only ones that can tell her she needs to find her own way in life. she sounds Bi-polar. She seems like someone that needs some therapy. probably sabotages her work life because she is scared of success. most people are scared of failure but there are the few that are more scared to succeed because more will be expected of them.

My brother in law, his wife and there daughter live with my in laws. it drives me INSANE!! There total pigs. they don't clean up after themselves or make an effort to help out around the house. I ended up at the in-laws a few months has we traveled half way across the US to our new home. I had to leave after a day and half because i was so frustrated with how disgusting the house was. I did 3 loads of dishes!!

You are gonna have to watch how to phrase your opinions of this situation to other family. even if they agree with you you could end up looking like the bad guy for making a stink about the situation. the aunts parents are who needs to learn a little tough love.
good luck!

Answer 6

Are you sure we're not related? lol. This person sounds just like one of my cousins. :P She's Bi-Polar and I swear this is her! I agree with what Sanders says and you don't really have a say in it. You're not over-reacting, but it is up to the parents to decide when it's her time to find her own way again. Just keep doing your best and try not to let it irritate you too much. It's out of your hands so just make the best of the situation.

Answer 7

I don't think so. There are some people in life who are high-maintenence and just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be high maintenence. You know what they say: You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.

I have family members who grate on my nerves too. It's unfortunate; but just as they are entitled to their feelings and their way of dealing with things (such as her depression), you're entitled to your feelings about her too.

Best of luck!

Answer 8

Definately not. She's an adult, she needs to be responsible for herself, get a job where she can get insurance and get out of her parents house. I am sure they are elderly and she's likely causing a great strain on them.

Answer 9

No your not over reacting your aunt is 38 yrs old,and needs to get her stuff together.

Answer 10

Really intelligent, huh? Sounds like she found herself a gravy train and will ride it as long as she can. Sure, depression is a disease but, she's just taking advantage of it and everyone else.