He also lied about where he went.What is a girl suppose to do.He is 50yrsold, I'm 47.I'm offended by his actions.He doesn't know that I know that he lied.At least not yet.Why do men go to strip bars?I know men are visual and like to look at pretty women. I'm pretty and well liked by alot of guys and girls. I feel like I'm not giving him all he needs. Should I say something to him or just ignore this.?He always says to trust him,right now I'm having a hard time doing that.Please help.
2006-07-05 15:20:54 · 35 answers · asked by sunnyday 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a male. I can't speak for all males, but I think your fella likely has trouble being intimate (loving). I think he is seeking excitement and will do whatever is new and fresh to him. I haven't been to a strip bar in years, but recognize that it feels exciting to think that someone would strip for a complete stranger (me). I would go for the excitement of something new. I know what I can get at home, but I don't know what might happen at the strip bar. I think it would be good to confront him about his behavior choices. Ask him what it would take to get him to be honest and to focus on you. Maybe he would consider it for a swinging relationship or taking you with him to the strip bars. How would he feel if you went to watch male strippers. How would he feel if you were stripping for strangers? I think he might be angry, but he needs to think about how you feel and how what he does impacts on your feelings. Imtimacy is a problem for lots of males, not all, but lots. It is something that can change. I seriously doubt that his going to the strip clubs has anything to do with how attractive or unattriactive you are, or how well you treat him. It is a selfish act, and you want to learn what it is that drives him. Listen to him, and try to learn what it is. Maybe he will learn to share and that will be a big step to learning to be intimate. Write me at my email address if you want to chat more.
2006-07-05 15:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by RedyRob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of guys simply go to look at the younger prettier women but these places are by no means cheap their main goal is take as much money as they can from whoever they can. What would be nice since these days women also go to strip clubs why not suggest you both go. Unless he's sitting on a boat load of money These women only pertend to like men in the club outside it they are different people unless your super rich, I don't see him running off with anyone..Only he knows why he lied it might be he thought you'd freak out by him saying by the way I'm stopping over at so and so be home by 9 or 10 good night
2006-07-05 15:35:04 · answer #2 · answered by Zoe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you just been having sex with the guy or are you in a relationship? It sounds like he just wants sex and you actually care for the idiot, so you go along with his non-commitment plan just to be with him. That is ridiculous. The strip club isnt the issue. All that shows is that you care for the guy, and he doesnt care about you...only when he needs a piece of a**. Have a little self-esteem and dump him. Good lord, you sound like a teenager and your older than I am. Wise up. Three years is a long time for someone to just be having sex. If he hasnt made a commitment to you by now, why stay?
2006-07-05 15:26:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going to a strip bar is not anything like going to his 25 yr old girlfriend on the side. A strip bar for an older guy is nothing more than a chance to pretend to feel young for a bit. At his age, he isn't going to find anything you can't provide. For some guys, it is just a guy thing ... go out with the guys and act like adolesent guys for a while. For others, they just can't get enough of the female form that they love so much.
I never went to a strip bar in my life - and condemned them all - until after I was divorced (18 yr marriage) and some friends drug me into one. It didn't turn me on sexually or anything but it was sort of entertaining. I find the whole thing sort of boring at one level but kind of silly fun on another. I don't go looking for it but don't see that it is so terribly destructive, as such vices go. At the same time, I don't expect a woman to understand it unless she has a lot of healthy self-esteem and can appreciate that she is not in competition with the 22 yr olds on stage. Most women can't seem to understand that. But then we men don't seem to understand women very well, either.
I don't think there is a moral highground on this issue. You will do your relationship with this man a lot of good if you don't presume to occupy the moral highground.
Best to you. Please don't throw away a good relationship over something like this.
2006-07-05 15:30:22 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him about the lying part, but as for the strip club not that big of a deal. Him going to a strip club does not mean you are not giving him all he needs. It is the fantasy that draws them there. Humans still have their animal instants, animals don't always stay with one partner. The differences between animals and humans in society has taught us that it is wrong to stray from your partner. I am not saying he is cheating or that it would be ok if he did, but you just have to understand that the fantasy is natural. Maybe talk to him about how you feel if you want to make the relationship work, or go with him to the club once. Maybe it will help understand his side of things.
2006-07-05 15:33:51 · answer #5 · answered by serendipityntx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're playing my song. I too have been sleeping with a guy for three years (weird) and it hasn't gone anywhere. (The sex has always been amazing.) So, I'm at the point (way past, actually) where I have to make a choice, and it sounds like you are too. Are you going to decide that you deserve someone who wants to be with you, outside of bed? Or is your self-esteem and sense of worth going to continue to fall? It's our choice, yours and mine, and it's time.
Also, I don't see anything wrong with going to strip-bars, unless it's a habit. I always say 'It doesn't matter where you work up an appetite as long as you come home for dinner.' I think it's sexy to be with someone who's secure in their feelings for you and vice versa to not be threatened by looking. Everybody looks, right? He shouldn't have lied about it though. That indicates that he thought it was wrong, 'cause if he thought he wasn't doing anything wrong, he would have told you.
Seriously, though. Great sex doesn't mean great relationship. I think you should move on.
2006-07-05 15:30:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's got nothing to do with you. Sometimes a guy just wants to see some new ****. That's all. And for guys that are 50 or so just the idea that a younger person could find them sexually attractive is indescribable. You would be flattered if a younger man would fawn over you, right? Just tell him you know. It won't lead to any harm if you just play it cool. Remember the girls that work at a strip club are merely making him more confident. He wants you.
2006-07-05 15:27:52 · answer #7 · answered by jimmyrm_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you're really emotionally invested in this relationship, then you need to confront him with the lie and let him know how much his actions hurt you. He might change, he might not, but that's a risk you might want to take if you really love this guy.
On the other hand, if all you have with this guy is just sex, then you could ignore his actions or just end the relationship all together. Sounds to me like you have to do some real thinking re how far you're willing to go for this guy.
2006-07-05 15:29:01 · answer #8 · answered by nava_clue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both have the agreement not to go to strip clubs then yes, he's wrong in doing so. I don't care what his reason is. It probably would make a female partner feel inadequate but you know what? You're NOT!!! Tell him how you feel and come to an agreement. Hopefully it'll be the answer you want from him.
2006-07-05 15:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he having sex at the strip club. Maybe he went with some friends. Try bringing up the subject maybe you could go with him sometime. Alot of men find that hot. If hes not cheatin on you I wouldnt worry to much.
2006-07-05 15:24:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋