HELP!! What to do with a toddler that won't listen?

Question

I have a two year old daughter, and now I know why they call it the terrible twos. She always tries to hit the baby, (4months old) and will scream and throw things and everything is NO screaming! I spend time with her separately from my baby so I'm trying to work on the jealousy thing. Time outs don't seem to work and I hate to resort to spanking, but I"ve heard that doesn't help. I can't seem to get her distracted and she is starting to hit me and daddy and the baby. I"ve heard ignoring is good, but I can't tolerate the hitting especially when she hits the 4 month old who can't fight back. Please help, I'm going crazy, this is my first kid by the way. Any suggestions for keeping your patience would help too.

Answer 1

Been there, done that. First off, you need to take mommy time outs. This can be listening to music for 10 minutes through headphones or just stepping outside for a breather this will return your patience to you when it is needed badly.
Second you need to form time outs for your child. Any time the child hits you, the father or the baby or screams at you she should go immediately to time out, and make her stay there for 2 minutes, even if she screams and even if you have to hold her in the chair. As she learns you can make the time outs longer, but never longer than 5 minutes. She will soon learn that you mean business. Ignoring her will also work. If you put her in time out (preferably a place where she cannot hurt herself or others), then ignore her screaming, sooner rather than later she will learn. Children do not like to be ignored. Both parents should agree so that she can not run to one parent over the other. Also if she causes a scene in the store or erstuarant then take her out and go home. I know it is inconvenient for you, but she will learn that if she makes a scene that the fun is over. Teaching a child to not hit by hitting them is never a good idea.

Answer 2

Spanking has been around since the dawn of time, and has just recently, since Dr. Spock (whose son, by the way committed suicide), had a bad reputation. There is such a thing as positive spanking, especially a little brat who is hitting other people. Show her how much it hurts, and she'll begin to understand it is a bad thing. It's not like you're going to beat her or anything, but one good, solid WHACK right on the diaper at the time of the misbehavior is guaranteed to get her attention. Spanking a kid DOES NOT teach them to hit others. Your daughter already knows how to hit. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away. It never does!

Answer 3

The first thing you have to realize is that she is jealous of the time she used to have alone with you that is now being shared by the baby.

Always talk calmly to her and explain your actions and reasoning. Include her in activities with the baby. Don't give in to her desires to just have you to herself.

When she acts up in anyway, you need to make sure she understands that her actions are not acceptable. Time outs are good, depending on how you do them. Are you putting her in her room alone? Thus she will start to realize that unacceptable behavior gets her alone time, which is not what she is looking for. Start off with 10 minute time outs, and each time she misbehaves, increase it by 5 minutes. The next day, start over at 10 minutes again.

Don't argue with her, don't yell, don't warn her 50 times. When she misbehaves either warn her ONCE, or just put her alone in her room immediately for a given time. Tell her once she has calmed down and can behave herself, she will be allowed to come back and join the family. Then get her 10 minutes later, ask her if she will behave herself and if she says yes, let her come back. Again, each time she misbehaves, increase the time out by 5 minutes.

It might take her a while to realize it, but soon enough she will begin to understand if she wants attention, then she will have to behave properly.

Just one suggestion.

Answer 4

time outs won't work on a child that seems ALWAYS busy. my oldest, time outs worked fine (still do!), but my middle child...WOW, world class temper tantrum king! nothing worked, time out, spanking, distracting him...when he lost it, he just lost it.
what i eventually ended up doing was picking him up (kicking and screaming the whole time), took him to his room...and put him on his bed. i left him in the room, i didn't say anything to him, i just left him there to yell to his little hearts content.
if he came out of the room, he went right back in. eventually he got curious why i wasnt paying attention to him...and he would stumble out of the room teary eyed, hick-up crying...but in good order.
sometimes kids just need to vent their frustrations. they can't talk it out like we can, so they yell. have you ever had a day where you were SO ticked off that you couldn't verbalize...you just screamed and hit things?? (traffic jam, fired at work, gained two pounds overnight!) well imagen if the only way to express that was through tantrums.
she might be jealous, yes. OR it could be something else. has your schedule changed with her a lot since the new baby?? do you and hubby love on the baby together first...then her??
perhaps sticking to a schedule will help her feel more grounded. and splitting up attention helps alot.
my hubby and i do that with our new daughter and our sons...he will take the boys to play ball while i play with my daughter on the toddler playground...then i will take the boys to the duck pond, while my hubby plays with baby.
its hard to divide up time between two kids...esp. when they are as young as yours.
she might even be ready for a play group, for a couple hours a few times a week. it helps her socialize among her peers..so she will learn how to "behave" around other children.
i would suggest not having her around the little one when she is fussy, since you dont want baby getting hurt.
i promise they will grow out of this stage! though it will seem forever in coming.
dont worry every mom of more than one knows how hard it is to keep all the little ducks in a row!


edited:
Don't pay any attention to what suequek said. EVERY 2 yr old ive ever met screamed or hit at least once. either she doesnt have any children, or the one(s) she had were freaking PERFECT...i highly doubt that...so maybe she's just full of hot air. either way...it IS normal.

Answer 5

Time outs sometimes do not work whynot try corners and taking toys away and older children seem to get jealous of the younger one because they take more of the parents time so what you do is when she Hits or Screzams you take her by the hand and put her in a corner where her face is in it and then no matter how much she cries yells screams remeber to always ignore her do not give in because she will just test your patients the first couple of times it just takes patients and time and they will learn.

Answer 6

Contrary to what mimi said, it will not pass. You need to get this behavior under control now, before she hurt the baby! I would start with talking to her Dr. at your next visit, and make sure that he/she knows how desperate you are! You will get a lot of answers to this, but hitting and screaming are not acceptable behavior even for a 2 yr old! And it will only get worse!
Talk to your Dr.

Answer 7

I personally think there is nothing wrong with spanking your kids. If they need to know they have done something wrong they need to know about it. She really needs to know that hitting mom and dad is not on, you need to spank her. Spanking has a bad rep because some parents take it too seriously and go out of control, if you do it right just so they know something they did is wrong then go for it.

Answer 8

She is listening. She is just doing what she want to do. Two's will hit if you let them. Just try telling her that big girls do not hit mommies, sisters, brothers, or babies. You might tell her not to hit you by saying. "We don't hit Mommies." Later when she hits her Daddy say, "We don't hit Daddies." "We don't hit babies." When she can say it back to you after she has heard you say it many times you know that she has internalized the rule. That is when you will know it is time for redirection if she hits again.
Another thing to tell her is hitting hurts. Do you want people to hit you? When she knows that it hurts, hopefully she will stop.Good luck.

Answer 9

time out, time out, time out, time out . In a designated time out spot. Consistency with it. Even if it takes you 2 hours to get her to sit there for 2 minutes she will see that you are serious and aren't gonna give up. After a few days all you will have to do is tell her to go to time out and she will. Rule of thumb is 1 minute of time out per year the child is old. Good luck!

Answer 10

sit her on a bed and sit there with her till she stops being bad and relaxes.Everytime she tries to get off of the bed you grab her and put her back on the bed till you think that she is ready to go out with the baby.If she screams, she screams. If she cries, she cries.A babys got to learn what a babys got to learn.