Ive been living with my girlfriend for a year and things are good and we have gone through tuff times in the past. I am currently working 55 hours a week and she currently stays home. She asked me if this upcomming weekend we could go ring shopping for her. she basically wants me to marry her and I continue to tell her that I am not ready for it. she is currently enrolled in college and works during the school year and I work and do college. I said I am currently not ready for marriage and want to wait until she has her degree and I have mine. she is basically giving me an altimative. she loves me and I dont totally have that feeling for her just yet but believe i would in the future. whats everyones take. help!!!!!
2006-07-05 13:53:25 · 19 answers · asked by miss priss 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell her again that you arent ready for marriage, and wont be anytime soon. If she wants to break up, b/c of your feelings - let her go! You arent ready! Do not do if you arent ready for a lifetime commitment, this is why divorce happens soo much! Dont let her push you into anything.
2006-07-05 14:07:11 · answer #1 · answered by MandyHawk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough spot. Basically, I think your girlfriend wants the emotional security of a licensed marriage. You want your wedding to be a respectable affair with the perfect woman and want to wait for the highest moment to begin your life as husband and wife.
Get inside your girlfriend's mind and you will find that she feels insecure about your relationship. If she really wants to get married, you can tell her that there are two options. Go to the city hall and do a civil service that lasts about 5 to 10 minutes.
There will be little or no guests, no flowers, no glitz and the attention that goes to the bride.
On the other hand, if she waits until you are ready, you can have a great wedding, complete with guests, wedding presents to open, bridesmaids and flowers to grace the occasion.
Rather than you actively choosing what to do in response to her ultimatum, let her choose by explaining the pros and cons. Nevermind about your ambivalent feelings toward her. It sounds like she will make a choice anyway because you just are not ready. So make the best out the situation by giving her the option to either kick you out or wait until you are ready. She will at least feel like she's in charge and dislike you a little less if she doesn't want you around anymore because you refuse to be pressured into marrying her.
2006-07-05 14:04:06 · answer #2 · answered by Siddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she truly cares for you, then she would not give you that ultimatum. That sounds like a very selfish thing to do. Honestly, I have been with my boyfriend for six years and we are still not ready to get married. Marriage is taken too lightly. It's something that you should only have to do once in your lifetime. One year is so minimal, you are still in the lust stage of your relationship. Tell her that you truly want to be with her for the rest of your life, but marriage is something you are just not ready for yet.
Have you also thought about the financial conscequences of marriage? If she is receiving any sort of financial aid for her schooling, her chances of receiving that would be diminished. You will share eachother's debt as well as your credit.
Stand by your decision! If she loves you, she will wait until you are ready.
2006-07-05 14:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately wait things out....Tell her if she really wants things to work she will wait until your ready. If you've gone through tough times wouldn't that mean you've been together for a while? Shouldn't you know if you have those feelings for her now? Sometimes it takes losing something to find that you really do love them. Are you scared of commitment. If thats the case then try to imagine your life without her, but it still doesn't mean you should be pushed into marriage but I can understand her wanting to be married if you've been together for a while.
2006-07-05 14:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well youv'e been getting free milk without buying the cow so to speak, and after living together your'e getting antsy about the whole thing cause you're afraid of commitment. So if you want to keep getting the milk you better go ahead and get that RING !!!! Look, youv'e test drove the car and now it is time to buy it or return it. I'll tell you this,if she gets away 6 mo. from now YOU WILL REGRET YOUR LOSS!!! It's hard to break in a new partner and the next one you hook up with constantly remind you every time she opens her mouth making you wish you had the one back, Jack
2006-07-05 14:07:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to realise is that once you have become engaged, marriage will be the next demand. Do NOT get pressurised into making a step that you are not yet ready for.
2006-07-05 14:05:20 · answer #6 · answered by Rolande de Haye 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after a year, and you dont feel love for her like she does you? wow, how is that possible? One whole year? no way. Dont do it. If you dont have the feelings now, you wont ever. Sorry buddy, but it sounds like you will never be ready for marriage, and you are just stalling her by telling her you want to wait until she finishes college. Does she know you dont feel that way, and since you dont, you wont care if she leaves you for someone who will marry her. Trust me, shes already looking for another man already, just incase you dont.
2006-07-05 14:11:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to tell her that marriage is a big decision and that it should not be one that is entered into in a hurry. Tell her that you care for her a great deal but you don't feel you are on that level yet......if she doesn't understand and keeps pushing than she is not the right one for you. But if she truly loves you like she says she does she will respect your feelings and wait.....now if i could only practice what I preach than I would truly be a great person LOL
2006-07-05 13:58:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't care how much the ring is. If she is that worried about the price of the ring are you sure she loves him or the money? She is probably going to want a huge expensive wedding also. I think your brother should not give in to her and think long and hard if he is doing the right thing by marring her, because it is only going to get worse once they are married.
2016-03-27 05:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't love her why are you living with her?????????????
If your not ready your not ready!!! if she can't accept that then i don't think she loves you like you think she does... if you do something as big as marriage because you are pressured into it... what does that say about you... if it's not time for you guys now... remember life has alot of ups and down... any thing can happen....
why marry her now(your not ready) and divorce her within a year because it's not working out.... DON'T DO IT
2006-07-05 14:01:58 · answer #10 · answered by Jennifer / 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋