How do I tell my dad I don't want him at my wedding?

Question

After my dad divorced my mom, we haven't talked much. I haven't met his wife (I wasn't invited to his wedding) and I don't want to. She has had 6 children from all different fathers and she is just after my dad for his money. He made it clear that if he comes he intends on bringing his wife, who I never want to meet. Besides hurting me, it would also hurt my mom. I just don't think it is appropriate. I wouldn't mind him coming alone but I don't want his wife to be there. It is too high a price to pay to have my dad at the wedding. I have lived just fine the last 5 years without a dad, my brother is giving me away at my wedding. But how do I tell my dad that I don't want him there if he is going to bring his wife?

My dad divorced my mom because he was having an affair for 5 years, he left his lover and my mom for this woman who he married.

I have forgiven him, I'm trying to work things out with him. I just don't want his wife there because she is not a part of my life and I don't think that my wedding is the appropriate time to impose her upon me.

I love my dad, but I don't like who he is as a person. He doesn't have boundaries and his wife has him on such a tight leash (with good reason) that she would not let him come without her.

I'm willing to look past his faults to have him there, but I just don't want her there and he is making it a condition of his presence at the wedding.

Answer 1

Talking would do it all. Make it very clear to him how much his presence would be appreciated and how much would you not like him to bring a company cuz marriage is all about joys and no embarrassment and sadness. He dint invite you for his marriage, he would understand !! its a choice he and his wife have to make. You should be pretty clear abt your stand. If he loves you, he would come alone or if he doesnt show up, he did not deserve to be in the wedding anyways.

I know its an emotional moment for you but if you take the right stand, it is going to pass away easily for you and your family. All the best for it and HEY CONGRATS FOR THE WEDDING !!

Answer 2

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As for your question... who will walk you down the isle?
I really think you should just let them come. I can't believe the nerve of that B itch! How can she show up to such an important event like that where she knows she is not wanted.
First I would make an emotional visit to your father and let him know how much you love him and how much it would mean to you to have him there on the most special day of your life. Also explain that a day like that is supposed to be as perfect as possible, and having her there would make it anything but perfect.
Tell him if he really loves you he needs to deal with his wife being mad at him for a few days or even weeks cause his daughters wedding should definitely be more important than his wife's stubborn nasty attitude. Tell him you have been able to let the past go but if he doesn't fulfill this simple wish that he should be jumping at I might add you will be truly heartbroken and you will once again wonder "Why didn't daddy come through for me"
I hope I have been able to help you like you have helped me. Thank you.

Answer 3

Honesty is important, but so is forgiveness. You can be the bigger person and take the first step by talking things out and inviting him to your wedding. If you just stay stubborn and unforgiving, you might never know what could have been a great relationship until you grow old. Don't be one of those people that had a chance to fix something and be a good person and miss it. Weddings are a great time to fix things. Imagine how happy he will be when he is invited - he is your father. It does not mean he stopped loving you.

Answer 4

Plkease have your dad at your wedding. he may not have been there much but he helped bring you into the world. That's his and your mom's problem not yours, you sdon't know what was going on. This is one day out of a lifetime and even though you think you don't want him there your still his little girl. Think about it this way if that was you and your daughter was having a wedding you would wnat to be there for that one special day. After that you don't ever have to talk to him again. And you be the bigger person by asking him to come and top it all off by asking him to walk you down.

Answer 5

It would be extremely rude for you to expect your father to attend your wedding without his wife. I agree with your reasons why you don't want her there, but this is the life that he has. If my husband went to a wedding without me, I would be furious. I wouldn't invite either one if you're that serious about her not coming. You should never have told your dad that you were having a wedding if you weren't going to invite him, it's cruel. At this point your only option is to be straight forward, if you're serious about not inviting him. You just have to come right out and say what you've told all of us here at Yahoo questions.

Answer 6

My daughter told me that if and when she gets married she would do so on a beach somewhere alone with no family members. I believe it's her way of avoiding alot of problems by not taking sides between her Mom and Dad (we divorced on bad terms, and she's had little or no contact with her father). As much as I've always dreamed about planning a wedding with my daughter, I respect her for this decision ... besides, it's not about me.

Answer 7

Dear Sara, you have found yourself in a complicated situation, no doubt, but do not try to make it even harder by staying silent. I think that it is absolutely nesessary to tell you father about how uncomfortable you are with his new wife. You should tell him how you feel, if it is betrayed or sad. Don't be afraid to hurt him, because he has done a lot of pain to you. By the way, many times people do not even realize how and why they hurt us, that is why it is important to talk about it to your father.
P.S.: Congratulations with the marriage! I hope it will be a happy one!

Answer 8

you need to call him and tell him. also, on the invitation, you need to ONLY address it to him. you might want to write him a letter explaining that you only have enough room for closest members of the family and that since you dont know this tramp, or her kids, you cant afford to have them there and take a seat of someone who you do want there. you might also say that if he doesnt like it, then he can stay home with her. He obviously hasnt made it a priority to make her (or him for that matters) a part of your life. and it wont matter to you anyways. this is the most special day of your life. dont let anyone ruin it.

Answer 9

In my opinion you should just tell him. Dont sugar coat it just say 'Look this is my big day and Im going to invite who I want' yes it sounds a bit mean but you need to get the point across.If you wanna meet his wife you shouldnt have to. Just confront him about it. You'll feel much better about it

Answer 10

Just tell him. It's ok to mull things over and he sounds like he wouldn't be shocked by it.

You could also tell him that you understand why he wouldn't leave his current partner to go solo. Heck, you could even tell him that you love him because I bet you still do.

When you have children you will have a better understanding of what it's like to make mistakes that affect your children. Maybe you will be able to forgive him before he dies so that you don't have to add guilt to the pain. I wish you luck...