I have a 9 year old step son when I introduce him to people I don't know what to say because I feel if I say this is my step son he will feel like I don't claim him but if I say this is my son then he'd feel like I'm trying to replace his mother. Ive been with this kid since he was 18 months and its just starting to be a issue ( more with his mother) I ask him what he wants me to say and he dosent let me know/
2006-07-05 12:38:17 · 23 answers · asked by ♥ to ...... 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think you have a right to call him your son. A mother isn't just the person who has a child. A mother is also the person who has the major responsibility of raising a child. In your case, I commend you. I think you should say he is your son, if his mother has a problem then she should confront you about it.
What does the kids dad say? I mean if you put 2 and 2 together, it's not about making his real mother uncomfortable, it's about what the child wants. I think he wants you to call him your son, if he wanted it otherwise, he would say so. I think that is why he is quiet when you ask him.
The mother is just going to have to deal with it in her own time. Let the child be the judge.
2006-07-05 12:44:34 · answer #1 · answered by Tida 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with this child since he was 18 months old, then he truly is a son to you. If the issue is with his mother, then I would just let that be her problem. I'm sure that you love him and if you could have been the person to give birth to him, you would have. You may include your husband by saying "This is our son ____." At age 9, he will soon learn that any issue his mother has will become something he decides isn't worth the trouble of mentioning.
2006-07-05 19:50:23 · answer #2 · answered by stewbdoosmrs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty,say he is your son,i know it bothers me when my wife referrs to my 18 year old daughter and 15 year old son a step children,she is raising them,they are her kids,if their mother wanted the right to be called mom solely,then the kids would be raised by her.I also call my step mother mom,I find it more respectful to the love and emotional investment each has with the other
2006-07-05 19:43:42 · answer #3 · answered by william b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never had a stepchild, but I have been one.
Even when I really didn't like my stepfather, I prefered when he said, "This is my stepdaughter A" rather than "This is C's daughter A."
The second one made me feel like he was completely brushing me off to the point where he wouldn't even claim me as his stepdaughter.
I also agree in having the boy's father talk to him. If he still has a good relationship with his mom, she could be involved, too. He might be hesitant to answer your question because he's not sure how his mom would feel if he asked you to call him your son.
2006-07-05 19:45:47 · answer #4 · answered by Call me AL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too have a 9 year old step-son and that's what I refer to him as. Your situation is a little different as you've raised him, but I would call him whatever YOU are comfortable calling him and if he never answers you then you'll never know what he's thinking. Maybe deep down he wants you to refer to him as your son, I mean you've raised him this whole time so your really all he knows as a mother anyways.
2006-07-05 19:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany_XVIII 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your exact situation. He isn't telling you what he wants because he is afraid of putting himself out there, for fear of being hurt by you like he has by his mother. Introduce him as your son. People can tell if you look a like or not and will figure things out. And even if they don't, who cares? He needs to feel a part of you. If you want to clarify things later, when he has left, tell people he is your husband's son, but you have been with him almost all his life. In this day and age, this is more and more common and people understand.
2006-07-05 22:37:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is there any chance of adoption , my wife had a 4 year old son from a previous relationship when we met ,i adopted him when he was 8 , he calls me dad i call him son , we now have 2 daughters as well but even i say he was my 1st , i know this is not always possible , maybe ask your husband to speak to him to try and find out what would be comfortable for everyone ,good luck i hope you have some joy
2006-07-05 19:46:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just call him by his name. When he feels ready he will let you know what is appropiate and what isn't. My husband has been with my oldest daughter since she was 3 months old, and she knows that he is not her biological father and she chooses to call him daddy. My oldest son didn't call him daddy until after we were married. Kids know what feels ok to them and what doesn't and they will let you know. He may be feeling some pressure from his mom about how to feel about you. I would sit down with his mom and ask her what she thinks. Let her know you aren't trying to replace her in anyway and that this situation is hard for you too. Good Luck!
2006-07-05 19:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say I was his mom if he spent most of the time at your home, especially since you have been apart of his life since he was a small child. A mom is not just a title, it is a way of life. So if you act and do things that a mom would do for a son, then you are his mom.
2006-07-05 19:43:39 · answer #9 · answered by cherrypie p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did he ever tell u he didnt like u calling him ur son? or is it only how u feel?
1) get his dad to talk to him
2) improve ur relationship with him
3) introduce him by his name n nth else. u dont have to say that he is ur son ppl will know
4) dont say this is my son, say im his mom
most of all. its how u feel about the whole situation, u have 2 know u ARE his mother since u have been taking care of him since 18mths.
2006-07-05 22:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋