does anybody have a good joke to make me laugh?

Answer 1

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 2

It was a boys first time with a condom, he was 16 or so.
He went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman
behind the counter, and she could see that he was new at it.
She handed the teenager the package and asked, if he knew how to wear one.
He honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned him to make sure it was on tight and secure. He
apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking his hand, she led him into the back room, unbuttoned her
blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, he was so dumb-struck that all he could do was nod his head. She
then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As he was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So he climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, he
could no longer hold back and POW, he was done within a few minutes.
She looked at him with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
He said, "I sure did," and held up his thumb to show her

Answer 3

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

Answer 4

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your **** dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Answer 5

one day little mary was in sunday school asleep the teacher asked her who was our savior the boy behind her poked her with theencil to wake her she said sweet jesus the teacher said corect later the techer asked her who created heaven and earth once a gain he poke her with the pencil she answered good god
once again she was correct the third time she asked lttle mary what eve aid after she had had her tenth child. she ws once again poked with the pencil she answered if u stick tat damn thing in me one more time i'll break itoff the teacher fainted

Answer 6

three guys were sitting at a consruction site eating their lunch. a blonde, a burnette, and a red head every day they ate the same sandwhich. the burnette ate turkey. the red head ate ham, and the blonde ate bologne. the burnette opened his lunch and said if i have to eat turkey one more time i'm going to jup off that cliff over there and kill myself. the red head said if i eeat ham again i'm going to jump off that cliff over there and kill myself. the blonde said yeah, i'm with you guys. the next day they opened their lunches and found;turkey, ham, and bologne. so they jumped.at their funerals thier wifes were talking. iff only i knew he didn't want turkey! said the wife of the burnette. If only I knew he didn't want ham! said the wife of the red head. they both looked at the wife of the blonde and she said,Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!

Answer 7

I dont have a joke to write out but I have an address. You have to check it out, it mad me laugh!!!!
http://www.totallytom.com/MadCow.html

Answer 8

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro,
and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."

Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok.
In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John.
Yes next."
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of Supporting a friend.

Ok next."
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub."
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next."
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub."
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."


First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."
teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next."
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Answer 9

This one's old but still kills a couple of brain cells........................

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached
to his (_)_)=====>.....Bartender looks at the pirate, looks
down at the steering wheel, and say sir you have a steering wheel stuck to your pen_is...
The pirate replies with a grin and say "ARRRR..it's drivin' me nuts".............

Answer 10

Why does everybody think Micheal Jackson is a child toucher? Just listen to his music and when i meanlisten to it listen wat he says.