HELP!~Dealing with Asperger's syndrome?

Question

My girlfriend went to the doctor's last week and determined that she has Asburger's syndrome, a very weak form of autism. I want to stay with her and love her through this, but I need to know...What can I expect from her? Will she feel any emotional bonds with me? Will she ever want to be touched, to be loved? If you can tell me anything else about my girlfriend's condition, and most of all how it will affect our relationship, I would be very thankful. Thanks!

Answer 1

I've known an Asperger since he was 3. He is now 57. He never expresses emotion. Never smiles. Looks unhappy though. Their weakness is they don't understand non verbal communication. Go see a psychiatrist to get better info. I'd be leery of marrying her, but they are all different. Google it and you'll find a ton of stuff.
http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=Aspergers
http://www.cureautismnow.org/site/c.bhLOK2PILuF/b.1021889/k.BFD8/Home.htm
Diagnostic Criteria For 299.80 Asperger's Disorder
A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

1. marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction
2. failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
3. a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
4. lack of social or emotional reciprocity

B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

1. encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
2. apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
3. stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
4. persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning

D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years)

E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood

F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia

A More Down-to-Earth Description
by Lois Freisleben-Cook

I saw that someone posted the DSM IV criteria for Asperger's but I thought it might be good to provide a more down to earth description. Asperger's Syndrome is a term used when a child or adult has some features of autism but may not have the full blown clinical picture. There is some disagreement about where it fits in the PDD spectrum. A few people with Asperger's syndrome are very successful and until recently were not diagnosed with anything but were seen as brilliant, eccentric, absent minded, socially inept, and a little awkward physically.

Although the criteria state no significant delay in the development of language milestones, what you might see is a "different" way of using language. A child may have a wonderful vocabulary and even demonstrate hyperlexia but not truly understand the nuances of language and have difficulty with language pragmatics. Social pragmatics also tend be weak, leading the person to appear to be walking to the beat of a "different drum". Motor dyspraxia can be reflected in a tendency to be clumsy.

In social interaction, many people with Asperger's syndrome demonstrate gaze avoidance and may actually turn away at the same moment as greeting another. The children I have known do desire interaction with others but have trouble knowing how to make it work. They are, however, able to learn social skills much like you or I would learn to play the piano.

There is a general impression that Asperger's syndrome carries with it superior intelligence and a tendency to become very interested in and preoccupied with a particular subject. Often this preoccupation leads to a specific career at which the adult is very successful. At younger ages, one might see the child being a bit more rigid and apprehensive about changes or about adhering to routines. This can lead to a consideration of OCD but it is not the same phenomenon

Many of the weaknesses can be remediated with specific types of therapy aimed at teaching social and pragmatic skills. Anxiety leading to significant rigidity can be also treated medically. Although it is harder, adults with Asperger's can have relationships, families, happy and productive lives.

NOTE: Lois Freisleben-Cook's description was originally a post to the bit.listserv.autism newsgroup/listserv . I thought it was an interesting explanation and included it on this site. A visitor recently pointed out that not all Asperger Syndrome children exhibit superior intelligence and felt that the post was somewhat misleading. It is my understanding that the majority of children diagnosed with AS do have at least an I.Q. in the normal range and that many children do have I.Q.'s in the superior range. It is important that you take the time to read through several explanations of AS, many of which are available on O.A.S.I.S. In addition, use the bibliographies, the libraries, and those professionals working with you to further your knowledge about Asperger Syndrome.
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html

Answer 2

Boy, you got a lot from the above answer. But, maybe you are looking more for advice? First, get two more diagnosis, and from specialists (real Psychiatrists). Adult diagnosis of Asperger's S. is not a cut and dry deal. I could meet the conditions on a bad day. Now, as you say she is your girlfriend already, you must have developed some relationship, why are you questioning her ability now? Just because someone can not experience the full range of human emotion in social context does not make them any less human. Could we go back and diagnose all formerly labeled 'wallflowers' with a new label?

Now, if it does become obvious that she truly has diminished capacity to relate in social context, you could be the perfect person to help 'script' those situations for her. Therapy for this is something family members live with and adjust to, no reason you could not. However, if it is a significant case, and you wanted to remain with her and make a romantic commitment, you need to be realistic in your expectations emotionally.

But, first things first, go see a different shrink, preferably two more. She may be surprised at the variability in diagnosis. Not that one is right or better than the other, but this would be the first step. If they all concur, educate yourself by reading a few books on the topic. Then begin to consider bigger decisions.

Another aspect, it is not really a weak form of autism, just different manifestations in the classification. It can be a debilitating serious condition, not weak at all. And, you did not indicate what age. So I assumed you are adults. If you are younger, don't make romantic commitments for a while in this type of situation. It will be problematic, as your perceived emotional need is pretty immature, and unlikely to be satisfied.