why do i get upset when my husband goes out.?

Question

he will tell me ahead of time but there have been times that he will just call to tell me when he is already out. i was in an abusive relationship my partner cheated on me the whole time,even to the extend of sleeping with my younger sister. this really affected me. well i love my new husband very much and i dont wanna loose him. what should i do. i do trust him but i get jealous because we havent spend alot of time together. i need to know how i can stop this habbit. we live apart he is in a different continent and i live abroad.

Answer 1

You need to get your head on straight. Marriage is about sharing your life with a partner. Trust is the most important thing in marriage. If he is trust-worthy (and you need to figure that out yourself), you should trust him. If you are questioning him without good reason, you need to make an effort to be a better, more trusting person. You've been burned before, so I understand your concern. However, if you continue to carry your baggage from relationship to relationship, you will never be happy. Start each relationship with a clean slate and expect your partner to do the same.

By the way.......How dare your sister sleep with your husband?????? I hope you set that situation straight & are prepared to cut ties with her if she even thinks about doing anything similar to that again.

Hope you stay off "The Jerry Springer Show".

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Well,this sounds complicated. You siad at the end of your message that you two live apart in different continents. That right there is where your problem is. You will definitely feel jealous if he's halfway around the word. For this relationship to work you two need to be around each other more because your always going to have this unsettling feeling and this feeling is mainly because he lives somewhere else. You really are in a long distance marriage relationship. I'm really sorry to say this but you will only feel a lot better until you both are living and being together . You probably have a wonderful man, the only way to stop this habit is to actually have him around because you will be a lot more secure. I wish you and your husband the best and I hope your marriage goes well.

Answer 3

Its difficult I know, but the best thing to do is talk to him about it - exactly what you said on here.

You know you are a bit more paranoid than normal and that you want to work on it. He should also know that you've been hurt in the past and that you need a bit more reassurance etc.

Trust isnt automatic, its something that is built over time. You will learn to trust him, and he will learn how to act so as to reduce your worry. It will take time, but it will come, but it needs both of you to work on it together, not just you.

Good luck!

Edit: by the way, that other question does seem a very similar situation, even if it isnt your bloke, have a read, it may reassure you about how it is from the other side of things.

Answer 4

You need to get into counseling NOW! If you do not learn how to sort through your disappointments and grief from the past relationship, you will continue to transfer old feelings on to the new relationship, and distrust your husband. Your feelings of insecurity and doubt will poison your relationship with your new husband if you don't deal with this as soon as possible. Let your new husband know how you feel. Also, if you are living in separate continents, and newly married, it is going to be very hard on your relationship to start with. You should be living together to bond your relationship. Get him a cell phone so you can talk to him whenever you want. But definitely get some counseling!

Answer 5

I think maybe some couples counseling, or maybe some counseling for you personally, would be in order here. Of course, couples counseling is hard when you aren't even in the same location. Maybe you need to have some ground rules about how often, when, and with whom. If he's going to strip bars, I can understand you being upset, but if its a church fellowship event, I mean really, how much of a threat is that to you?

Learning to trust again after having been burned is hard, but it is essential if you are going to have a healthy relationship with anybody.

Answer 6

You really don't trust him, and you need to deal with that. It's because of all the negative issues that have happened to you which are understood. Only to put a pin in your side, most long distant relationships don't last, so, this is another factor that's against you. Why are you two apart anyway?

Answer 7

I am unsure why you live apart hun...but I would urge you to enable yourselves to be together...you are obviously very hurt from your past and having difficulty trusting again...please talk with your husband about the way you feel and ask him to help you in this area of difficulty...marriage is a partnership and therefore each of you are responsible in understanding each other and working towards the god of the other..hun, make your marriage into the evry special thing you intended it to be when you said 'I do@....I wish you every happiness!

Answer 8

I'm sorry, but how exactly did you plan on making this work?

Do you have any plans on living together? This is not really the best situation for you considering you have trust issues.

I know I'm being harsh, but why did you put yourself in a long-distance marriage situation?

Answer 9

My husband does this and it drives me mad. Get over it and start trusting him, or you will lose him. Getting mad will push him away and make him more determined. If he hasnt done anything to get mad over then why get mad. How would you feel if it was the other way round?

you have to pull yourself together for the sake of your relationship, I know this because I am on the recieving end of the same behaviour.

Answer 10

You currently live on separate continents? In that situation you will have to learn that though you share your lives together, you don't and can't expect to share in the same quantity and quality that you would if you lived close or together.