Well i am a muslim born and bred in the uk so consider myself english. Anyway im having problems with my mother she is mentally and physically abusing me. She has always wanted me to go to pakistan and marry my cousin, so that he can come to England. I have always said no because i don`t want to be used for a passport. However she has been abusing me since i was 11 telling me you have to get married to him. He got married in march too someone else because i said no all the way through. My mother still wants me to marry his younger brother. This is nonstop; Every two -three weeks she has been saying too me get out of my house, the thing is i would go but as muslim we have to consider family honour. I would leave the house if she said it in front of witnesses because to tell u the truth i am fed up; i have been a fighter all the way through but i have given up now. The reason i said she is a liar is because she never tells anyone what she did too me; but in fact tells nothing but lies.
2006-07-05 09:57:45 · 45 answers · asked by maryam h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i am 21 and female. I have suffered abuse throughout my life. I would give more details but not enough room. Sorry
Your help very much appreaciated xx
2006-07-05 09:59:34 · update #1
wow i never expected such a huge response. I hope u all be very happy because my heart is so touched..
2006-07-05 11:44:17 · update #2
I would recommend that you try to document as many instances of physical and mental abuse that you can possibly come up with. Then I would recommend that you find a place and move. You can either confront your mother in person or write a letter spelling out all of your feelings and emotions. Let her know that you will love your life loving God and leading a good life but it is your life, not hers. Tell her that she and not right to abuse you physically and she has no right to abuse you mentally or emotionally either.
Abusive personalities will not change without professional help. Even if you were to marry your cousin, she will still be abusive. You need to demand that she treat you with the same respect that she expects to be treated by everybody else. Every time she abuses you - she says "I have no respect for you". Call her out on it.
In the meantime, you need to make plans to get out of the house and life your life the best that you can. Do what feels spiritually right in your heart and don't listen to her guilt trips or abuse.
Good luck.
2006-07-05 10:13:12 · answer #1 · answered by mgctouch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont agree with arranged marridges, you may as well mary some stranger next door. Its a really bad mix and how the hell would you even have a proper family?
You should tell your mother you respect your familys values but cant bring your self to live with someone who may treat me like crap who knows?
I guess its like the lottery 1 in a million chance you could actually love the person.
Since your British you have a choice to get married or not with who or who not. So dont let your mother think that her decision is final, its yours!!!
2006-07-05 10:04:54 · answer #2 · answered by VernHead123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are 21, can't you leave home? Are you employed and if not, why not? Isn't there anyone else that you are able to live with other than your mother? Where is your father? Physically abusing you means she hurts you bodily.......there has to be somewhere you can turn....shelter for women, etc. You have to stop this by getting away, mother or no mother.
2006-07-05 10:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by Geez Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of there! Where is the honor in all the abuse you have been put through?? The actions of your mother void any obligation you have to her in my opinion. Just get out and never contact them again. Go on with your life. Work, marry who you love, do your thing. Good luck.
2006-07-05 10:03:58 · answer #4 · answered by Elle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie, you are considered an adult in every country on the planet. If you don't like your mom... MOVE!!!!! Pack up your sari and get a one way ticket outta that place or move across town and don't leave a forwarding address.
As for family honour.... I heard that she can kill you to protect that. It's your life.
2006-07-05 10:03:05 · answer #5 · answered by realgirl768553 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - sorry about the difficult situation your mum's putting you through. If it was me, (religion aside) Id have left and set up my own life long ago but I appreciate that your religion teaches you different. Is there someone you can talk to? A family member or friend? or maybe even your doctor, someone like that? Just an idea. I really hope you can resolve this situation sooner rather than later. Good luck! Bxx
2006-07-10 02:16:19 · answer #6 · answered by Secret Squirrel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sweetie, I'm sorry that your Mother is playing Jekyll and Hyde with you and that your faith is holding you where you'd rather not be, but there are people out there that can help you.
Call the people below, I'm sure they'll be able to provide you with some assistance.
God bless..x
2006-07-05 11:26:49 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetcakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my answer to you is if you have someone you trust and that would like to help you mentally and physically go to them mo matter what your family believes in. Because if you don't help your self with this situation nobody will. This is something that only you can resolve and the sooner you do it the better is going to be. Otherwise you are going to end up nowhere and married to one of your family members which in my religion is an atrocity to marry family. But not every body thinks the same and I respect all believes. I hope you can resolve your problems and keep your calm at all time even when you think that is the end of the world.
Take care. A friend
2006-07-05 10:17:13 · answer #8 · answered by Pihiho 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
keep fighting, don't give up!!! Find something your interested in and follow it, all the way out of your house. Your mother may not like you for awhile but if she truly loves you she'll come around. I left home at 16 cuz mom wouldn't stop the abuse in the house. and she didn't speak to me for 3 years. Everythings better now, we have family dinners every Sunday
2006-07-05 10:07:20 · answer #9 · answered by stretch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your predicament, the family honour and the religious aspect, but this is the 21st century, and for non-muslims, it's very hard to understand why you don't just up and go. You say your twenty-one? Come on, you have your whole life in front of you. Your mother sounds very traditional and old-fashioned. She must realise that modern society can't tolerate these old ideas. If you lived in Pakistan it might be different, but your not. Go and live your life. It will hard to make the break, but after the dust settles, your mother will still want to see you, and everything should work out, but for God's sake don't be forced into doing something you know is wrong. Life is too short and you only get one shot at it. You owe it to yourself and all the poor unhappy muslim girls around the world who never had a choice...
2006-07-05 11:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by emjay1212001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh honey... I'm afraid I know nothing about Islam or the Muslim culture, but you do NOT have to suffer. You are 21 and an adult - you have the right to live your own life.
If you practice a religion, talk to someone "in charge" (priest, rabbi, eimom(?)) who can give you some advice and guidance. If not, is there someone in the family who is sympathetic who might be able to help? Or a member of the community?
If you are truly isolated, you might have to make the choice to go against the cultural standards on family honour. I'm not saying this is the right thing to do, but if you are as miserable as you sound, you have to put yourself first.
2006-07-05 10:05:48 · answer #11 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋