Me and my guy have been dating 3 months. We have the most perfect relationship. Well as perfect as it can be. There's been times I've been jealous because he has a few girls as friends, but none that he wouldn't talk to in front of me or let me look over his shoulder as he emails one. Well prior to us meeting, I started writing to a penpal in prison. I didn't tell my guy about it til today . Now he's upset and won't hardly talk to me and feels like I've lied to him and feels like I've let him down. There's nothing going on with me and this other guy, he's fully aware I'm dating and just wants to be friends. I love my guy to much to jeopardize that by trying to have something with someone I don't know. But I don't know how else to fix this what to say to him about it to make it better. The only thing I can think of is by stop writing to this other guy. But does that really help the situation any? Please help!
2006-07-05 08:48:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only reason I was not honest with him was because he was once in law enforcement and he knows about guys in institutes for crimes committed and I didn't want to displease him or cause him to worry about me talking to a possible murder convict. He doesn't care that I have friends, in fact, he told me that if I had told him from the get-go that I had a friend in prison I write to periodically he'd been okay about it, but it's the fact I kept it from him after 3 months. Do you think it's fixable? Do you think we could ever be like we were? I already feel the vibe that it won't be like it was from now on.
2006-07-05 08:57:16 · update #1
By the way, some of you (you know who I'm talking about) can ride the hell train on out of here. I am very well educated, and you should never judge a book by it's cover so to speak. That was a nickname from my father.
2006-07-05 09:02:36 · update #2
The question is why are you writing to the prisoner? Because you want to be nice? Because you are curious about his life? You need to explain to your young man why you do it and let him read the letters. Why should he be upset if there is nothing romantic in them? You are just being a good Samaritan, right?
If there is romantic stuff in them, then you have made a mistake and must stop writing and apologize to your boyfriend and tell him that you didn't see any harm in it. Be sure to tell him "you are right, I won't do it anymore" that may make him feel more comfortable.
Peace!
2006-07-05 08:56:42 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...prison penpals are big trouble. If you want to keep that perfect relationship, then the "letters from the big house" have got to stop. I'm sure you can find plenty of other friends who don't have felonies. I applaud your attempt to provide support to someone who may not have it, but if you want to write letters to people who need it, find a pen-pal in the military who is overseas right now. Make it a female. Have a nice honest talk with your main squeeze about what exactly you were trying to do, and ask him how you can fix it. I'm pretty sure he'll tell you to stop writing the prison buddy, but you have to make the decision about who is more important.
2006-07-05 15:54:00 · answer #2 · answered by bibliophile_1976 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, stop writing. He feels like if your up front about everything, then what is it about this situation that you kept hidden. You need to give him reassurances so this situation doesn't jeopardize his trust in you. Explain exactly what the situation was and make the decision together and stick with the decision. Once the trust is shattered it's hard to replace. If it costs you a penpal in prison, I'd say it's worth it. But that's just me!
2006-07-05 15:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets start by asking this simple question, "How would you feel if the situation were reversed?" It appears that he was open enough by not hiding his female friends and including you when they were around. Now that he knows about your "penpal in the pen" is a very big issue. A few things that are now in question, trust, loyalty, and communication. All I can really say to now is you have a lot of "damage" to fix and if you really love him, you better start asap!
2006-07-05 15:59:40 · answer #4 · answered by Gary S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does not help the situation is your double standard. You've been jealous of his girlfriends, while you've been communicating with a man in prison.
You need to grow up.
Jealousy is NOT love...jealousy is insecurity.
You need to apologize, you need to recognize why what you've been doing was wrong. What you did was not wrong, but the way you handled it was.
And remember....omission of the truth, omission of all facts, is the same as lying.
You better get yourself straightened out or he'll find a girl that is more mature than you and move on.
2006-07-05 15:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is relationship suicide. Your guy seems like he is just being protective of you. If you can handle it, stop writing to the other guy. I'm sure someone else will pick up where you left off. And from the sound of things, it seems your guy wants a little more than casual dating and just friends...
2006-07-05 15:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by mlove1307 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was honest with you about his female friends ... you should have been honest with him about your male friend as well.
Jealousy is a difficult thing to deal with on its own, let alone when the one you care about hides things from you.
Keep trying to talk to him ... assure him that this 'pen pal' is just that ... a pen pal. And ... if you are willing to give up this guy if your boyfriends asks ... make sure you do it.
Communication, honesty, communication, trust, communication, mutual interests, communication, affection, communication ... get the idea?
2006-07-05 15:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to begin with..why the hell you penpaling with a guy in jail????? do not ruin what you have with this new guy for some guy in jail. you have to understand that he is probably upset that you are corresponding with this guy in prison...that really bothers me that you would even consider continuing to write to this guy. i think you need to stop for your own safety and just focus on what kind of r/ship u r creating with your boyfriend, give him the attention and drop the other dude!!
2006-07-05 15:55:14 · answer #8 · answered by shammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would.You have to explain to him that it's nothing going on between you and your penpal.Don't tell him he has girl friends too because you knew about it and he might use this as an argument to fight back. Explain why you didn't tell him from the begginig. If he really loves/likes you,he has to trust you. You can't be kept in a golden cage,can you?
2006-07-05 15:56:16 · answer #9 · answered by christine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1.if hes honest with you why did you not do the same?
2.a penpal in prison????
3.stop writing to that guy
4.talk about it with him
GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-05 15:52:24 · answer #10 · answered by minnie m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋