My boyfriend and I have been together for about 6 months. We're 16. We never fight, but the other day we had a huge blowout fight and nearly broke up but didn't. It was about 'love'. Long story short, he could tell that I wanted him to say it (though I never ever mentioned anthing about love to him.) And he told me that he really really liked me but "doesn't, can't, and won't ever" be able to tell me he loves me. Hes only told 1 girl he loved her and she broke his heart and after her, his definition of love has changed. he "likes/cares about me as much if not more than he ever did about her", but now his new def. of love is like longterm, lifelong binding instead of a raw emotion, and he says he cant see himself telling any girl he loves them until he finds "the one" he plans on marrying. i love him in the raw emotional way (not his super deep def.) and it hurts to kno that in his eyes he doesnt 'love' me. Girls, what would u do? Guys, how should i take this?
2006-07-05 08:09:36 · 3 answers · asked by sillygoose08 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not trying to settle or plan a lifelong future w/him at all. I just dont know how i should feel about the fact that by my terms i love him, but by his terms he doesnt love me. Should this make me question his feelings for me, even though his definition is different from the raw emotion? it's like, when you say "I love chocolate!" it's synonomous with "I REALLy like chocolate!" so should i be worried that even though he says he "Really likes me" he cannot call it love and i do? And what about the saying he "wont ever" love me? Isn't that pretty harsh of him to say if he really and truly cares? I love him and want to stay together, but how can i stay with him knowing that even if he feels the exact same way for me as i do for him, that i'll never know it because i call it love and he doesnt? Does this make any sense?
2006-07-05 09:11:46 · update #1
The most important things you have said is that your definitions of love are different. Based on your definition he does love you and based on his, you don't love him either. I think you are too caught up in the word and not the meanings behind it. One thing I've learned a long time ago is that men who run from commitment are really running from the insecure feeling of allowing themselves to be hurt. Men will run from that as often as they can. What you have a young man who is running from the possibility that you will not be there for him when he lets his guard down. My advice would be to just enjoy the love, (your def) that he is providing you and not worry about whose def is whose. The most important questions you need to worry about is weather he respects you at all times and at all costs and does he make you feel like you are the only one in his life. If the answer is yes, then you are straight.
2006-07-05 09:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by Earl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want an honest answer, here goes. Don't push the issue. Let it go for the time being. Hey, your 16. Have fun. Spend time together. Be there for each other. .
Trust me, I know. In my case, I ended up with a wonderful husband.
2006-07-05 08:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by Chris J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 16 and have your whole life to find "LOVE" as you put it. I mean can you really see yourself with him "FOREVER" if he cant tell you he loves you? You are young and you will love many times in your life. Dont settle!
2006-07-05 08:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by cheesey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋