Why are my parents so over protective?

Question

Why are my parents so over protective, its hard to explain but they never let me out of the house apart from to go to school and things, im barely allowed to go to the corner shops alone! they dont abuse me or any thing like that - they are just really over protective and my mum cannot even let me go shopping with my friends and it isnt fair, i just keep thinking, how long will this go on for!

im 16 going on to 17...doesnt that tell u that they are TOO controlling?

Answer 1

I know what you mean because I've been there. Your parents probably feel like they're doing what's best for you. Ultimately, they are putting you at a disadvantage because if you aren't exposed to various social situations, you won't know how to deal with them when they arrive. Your parents are limiting your independence, which is integral to your life. Try to talk with them and see if all of you can reach a happy medium. Good Luck.

Answer 2

I know how you feel up until like a year ago I would have been 18 my mom never ever let me do anything it was always a hassle to get out of the house for even the smallest things. Same as you.

Now I don't know how old you are or if you have any siblings...but those two things make a difference after my two sisters moved out I was allowed more freedom mostly because I was able to do the things she couldn't while she was at work that showed her I was responsible and therefor she has let me do more and more things.

I know my mom is over protective because she loves me...but what she doesn't or didn't realize that by not letting me go out and experience life and be with my friends (which she isn't going to keep me from making mistakes and she knows she can't keep me from this world good or bad) that now I'm a little less able to relate with my peers because they are all talking about the concerts they've went to or dances ya know all that good stuff.

Just try and show them responsiblity...if you ever do get the chance to go out with your friends or to the store whatever...don't do something else i.e. if going out with your friends tell them what time you will be leaving what time you are coming home and where you will be going. Don't change plans and be on time when you get home if they say no later than 10 PM then get home like 5 or 10 minutes early...this will work because they know they can trust you. Once you lose that trust its REAL hard to get back and takes a long time for them to let you do what you want...believe me I'm talking from experience here.

Of course my situation was better like I said my 2 siblings moved out so she depends on me I do some things for her and she lets me do what I want.

All in all your parents protectiviness is because they love you I know it sounds cliche but it really is true and they want the best for you...so show them you are a good person and that you are trustworthy and you will be rewarded.

Answer 3

Well, you don't say how old you are, but you didn't mention anything about driving so I assume you're not yet 16. I am only an Auntie, not yet a parent. I am, however, a God parent many times over. It took me 'til I was in my twenties to figure out exactly why Mom and Dad were so protective - especially of young ladies, in our society. The biggest eye opener in the world for me was the first time I held a baby, still warm from his mother's body, in my arms. You look at that child and you want all of the world for that child. And then I realized that one snowy day in January - my parents had done the same thing with me. I know to you I may be "Old" (30) and you're probably thinking what does this have to do with my question? You were once that little bundle too. And your parents looked down on you, faces beaming and hearts aglow. And just like everyone else they want nothing but the best for you. They want the world for you and they don't want you to get too dinged up on the way to adulthood! I want to let you in on an "old people's" secret. I know you want nothing more than to be all grown up, but truthfully, in our heart of hearts? We'd all love to be young again. So don't be in too much of a hurry. There's an old 80's song - I don't know if you like the 80's or not, I know some kids do - anyway, it's called Jack and Diane by John Mellencamp. In it it says..."hold on to 16 as long as you can - changes come around real soon make us women and men". I sang it for years and never "got it". Now I get it. Don't get me wrong. At thirty I'm entering a whole new second part of my life. Just don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up. Your Mom loves you and is worried about your safety, and rightly so. Crime is also a factor. Abductions are happening a lot more now than when I was your age. I generally don't condone cell phones for teenagers, but perhaps if she got you a pre-paid cell phone so you could check in with her and she with you that would ease her mind a bit. Another idea: have her take you and some friends to the mall or shops or where ever and do what mine did. They said "Okay, w'ell all meet back here in two hours." That way you're chaperoned, but you're not, know what I mean? I don't know if this has helped you any - I hope so. Good luck with your social life!

Sincerely,

Andromeda

Answer 4

You have to keep bugging them in a respectful manner to do things that are very safe but away from them. Movies, Mall, pretty much any place there are a lot of people and a lot of people you know are with you.

They are over protective because of things they have experienced in life. You are their child and they most likely love you with everything they have and would do anything to keep you from getting hurt. Unfortunately, sometimes people don't understand that keeping you in a jar as long as they have control only causes problems when you decide to leave and they no longer have control over you.

I have seen it many times where "sheltered" individuals enter the real world on their own and don't know how to act, what to do, or what is dangerous. As an kid the parents should allow you to experience some of these things in as much of a controlled environment as possible. This way if something does happen it will hopefully be fixable.

No one knows what tomorrow will bring and no matter how much someone is protected they can still be hurt or killed. You have to learn as a teenager how to assess risks because everything is a risk.

Answer 5

My mom and dad are the same way. It's okay, the reason your parents are doing this is not because they hate you and want you to be miserable, but because they love you and want what's best for you. My parents don't even let me walk to 7-11 even though we live in a good neighborhood and it's only a few blocks from my house. This is only because they want to protect me from any harm. And that's what your parents are doing. Knowing parents, they probably watch the news on a regular basis. Sometimes the news consists of stories of how girls are kidnapped, raped, or killed. Your parents probably feel somewhat paranoid that if they let you go out into the world, those kinds of things might happen to you. They only want to protect you from the evils of this world. You might think that this is stupid, but you will understand what your parents are doing when you have a child of your own.

Answer 6

Parents bring children into this world with a head full of ideas of how they want life to be. Then they realize that the world isn't always the "pleasentville" that they thought it would be. I look at this in 2 ways: I was a daughter who was EXTREMELY overprotected by her mother. While growing up I completely resented it. I never got to go anywhere with my friends and can count on one hand how often I ever even got to spend the night at my best friend's house. To make a long story short, it culminated in me moving out at age 17 just before I graduated high school. It ended up causing a major rift between me and my mom for a long time. It wasn't until after I was on my own and was able to talk with my mom and we began repsecting each other that I understood why she was so overprotected. My parents had already buried 5 of my siblings, including my twin brother. The fact that he was the stronger of the two of us and was suppose to survive and I wasn't suppose to make it past 2yrs of age because of a heart condition I was born with caused such a fear in her of not wanting to lose another child that she thought her only recourse was to keep me so protected that maybe that would prevent her from reliving the pain of losing another child.

Now, I said I can look at this two ways. The other is that now that I'm an adult and parent with two daughters of my own, I understand the parent side of this problem. Let's be honest, the world is not a safe place. There is gang violence, drugs, pedophiles, and a million of other kinds of dangers including drunk drivers or even those that just don't pay enough attention while driving. While my children are not as old as you are, I still fear that something dangerous can happen every time they go out the door even to play outside. it is a parent's job/responsibility to worry about our children and will do anything at all possible to protect them and keep them safe from harm.

My best suggestion for you at your age would be to ask your parents to sit down and have a deep heart-to-heart conversation in a mature fashion. Explain to them that you'd like some more opportunities to be treated as the adult you're in the progress of becoming. Do you have a job? (When I was 17 I had a job and helped contribute to the household) Do you help around the house? The more that you show trust and maturity the more likely it is that you can be treated as an adult and possibly gain more freedoms. Just remember to try to understand where your parents are coming from and try to respect their feelings. I hope it all works out.

Answer 7

When i was a teenager my parents were very over protective of me up until the age of 17, i couldnt stay out late and had to be home by a certain time. It was annoying for me-its only because they care about and love you they are that way. Put yourself in your parents shoes- you will probably be the same with your children especially if they are girls. Girls get pregnant and are having sex far too early these days-i think its terrible that they want to lose something as special as their virginity. You really need to sit down and talk to your parents about this situation- you air your views and they air their views. The important thing is listen to what they have to say and vice versa.. Remeber the world is full of bad people that will hurt you.

Answer 8

They care about you...that's why! My dad was very strict with me too. It depends on your age as well, which you don't state. Can you invite your friends over to play? Do your parents know your friends? If your parents know the people you interact with, they'll be more likely to let you guys out on your own, but if you're really young, it's no wonder they won't let you out. So many bad things happen out there, and no, they can't keep you locked up inside forever, so what you can do is start looking for ways to show them you're responsible and they can trust you. Try having them take you to the mall or something...they can even stick around at the mall but out of your sight, and then meeting up with them at a designated time and place. When your parents see they can trust you to make sound decisions, they will give you more freedom. You've got to show them you deserve it though, so good luck.

Answer 9

Listen I know how you feel, even at 20 yrs old my mother still has some control over what I do. The best advice I can give is sit down and talk with your mum, and set down some rules that are not so extreme. Ask your mum, why she's protective, you may find that she has a really good reason to be. Cut her a little slack.

Answer 10

Its to show they care, it also doesnt help that the media portray the world as untrustworthy and dangerous. Parents look for the dangers in everything you do, its just a fact of life. Would it be better if you were on cocaine, sniffing glue and drinking some poteen whilst a 45 year old man has you down an alleyway while your parents didnt care. Thought not

Answer 11

I'm sorry. It was like that for me for a long time too. It sounds exactly like what I had to go through, I too couldn't go to the corner store without permission. It just means that they love you ALOT. It's their job and I guess you can say that they take it very seriously. But for me, I entered what they'd call The Rebellious Stage. I now sort of do what I want. Whenever I want to go out I just inform then RIGHT before I go out and leave. True: not the best solution, but it's working. At least now I can feel like I can talk to them. I can tell them what I did today without that lingering resentment I use to feel towards them for trying to shelter me from my own childhood.
So my best advice, try to talk to them. I mean really talk to them, which means that you shouldn't be accusing or yelling at them. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. Good luck?