Why did he even ask???

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for a year and 10 months. We initially planned to get married this year at the end of May, but set it back because of money. We want to get married in the Bahamas and it's about $6000 for a week and a free wedding and that's not bad. Well, I told him that I'd like to get married next year and if we couldn't go to the Bahamas in March, we'd go to Ocean City, MD in July (it all depends on when we sell our house, then we'll have some extra money to go and get married). Well, now he doesn't even want to talk about the wedding because he says we can't afford it and he says I'm bugging him when I bring it up. I wanted to get a few things here and there so we don't have to do it all at once, he told me to go ahead and get them, but he doesn't want to give me any input on the things. I don't know what to do, what do you guys think?

Thanks in Advance!!

I just tried to talk to him on my lunch break and he got really mad when I brought it up and said that I was bugging him with it. I just told him that he didn't have to yell, I was just trying to talk to him about it. Recently I bought a pair of sequin flip flops to wear at the wedding and that made me want to get other things for it. That's when he told me to go ahead and get what I want and I told him I wanted his opinion on the things we get.

I also want to make this clear for "Blunt" - The only things I want from him are a set date, to help pick the toasting glasses and the cake cutting set. I don't think that's too much to ask for. Everything else is done - Sandals does everything else.

He is my only family (besides my grandparents) because my family doesn't talk to me anymore. He is also my best friend.

Answer 1

I have been married for 12 years and I have noticed that my husband is very much not interested in stuff that we can't afford. In fact it makes him cranky to talk about stuff that he wants to give me but isn't in the budget. Sounds to me like the same thing is happening between you and your fiance. It's not that he's not interested but he feels bad because he can't give it all to you right now, so it makes him testy. I think he's being very truthful with you when he says that he doesn't want to talk about it because you can't afford it. This is something that will be with you your entire marriage so get used to it. I think its one of those venus mars things. I'll bet if you wait until you guys have some money he'll be willing to talk about it more. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think you should just postpone the wedding, not the marriage. If it is important to you both to be "legally" married, then do not wait until you can afford a "dream wedding". Go get married. Go to the Bahamas for vacation when it is in your budget. I think he does feel bad that the money isn't there. I think it is more important that you two are married more than anything. If you still want a formal ceremony just do something small with immediate family. Don't let this hinder your relationship, the wedding is not what's important here. If you both agree.....then problem solved.

Answer 3

If he doesn't want to help, then fine. That isn't a problem. Do what you want. You guys both agree on the general plan as far as date and location. You don't have to worry about tuxes and stuff for a bit. I tried getting my now hubby to help and he clammed up as well. It was a big scary change for him and he preferred to let me do the choosing. He simply didn't care about that stuff. And I learned to deal with it.

He could be feeling slightly insecure about being unable to provide you with what you need to have your dream. He sees you making compromise after compromise and that may hurt him. Although you don't have a problem with it, he may feel like because he can't make enough money, he can't give you the world like he feels he should be able to. You dream wedding has gone from the Bahamas to Ocean City. Big difference. You are fine with it, but he sees it as a mild failure on his part. Of course you don't see it that way, you just want him to pick out a damn champagne glass, but it a male ego thing. Just make the decisions and he will love it. A lot of guys don't do much in the way of planning. They get drunk the night before and show up the next morning and the role is plenty for them to handle.

Answer 4

I am in the same boat as you!! (engaged for 2 years) So i know how you are feeling. It sounds like he wants to marry you..but is a little overwhelmed by the planning and cost. I guess you have to sit down with him and tell him how frustrated you are...you need his input because it is his wedding too...and will you be really be happier waiting till you have more money..or should you just get married because you can't imagine life without each other. Good Luck

Answer 5

Do you want a wedding or want to get married? You are putting all your effort and energy into ONE party, but you are neglecting the fact that this is about two people in love wanting to spend the rest of their lives together rather than center pieces and menu choices.
This is YOUR GIG dear and you should stop bugging him about it as he is more interested in being married to you than to pick bridesmaids dresses and photographers. Have your family and best friends to help you decide on a wedding theme and location, rather than asking your fiance about it, he is a MAN and he doesn't care about this stuff, not because he doesn't love you but because, again let me repeat, he is a MAN!

Whatever you do, just make sure that he shows up, for Pete's sake, that should be your main concern...don't you think?

Answer 6

I think your guy is just stressed out. Talk to him about it again, not when you're on your lunch break. Do it when he's more relaxed and you have time to talk it over. Money can be very stressful and it can break couples up. Also, men do not care about toasting glasses and stuff and you can't blame them for that. I just got married 3 weeks ago and the only things my guy picked out were the groomsmen's outfits and his outfit. Oh, and he decided on the honeymoon. Other than that, I decided on everything because he did not care about that stuff and only got annoyed when I brought it up. Guys do not care about all of those little details like we do. Just go buy what you want and show it to him after you get it. Try not to be too hard on him.

Answer 7

it is hard to give someone else advice when it comes to love. Only you know what is best, if you look deep inside of yourself you will find the answer. You might not like what you find. It might be to continue the relationship or it might be to consider that he might no be the right one. It is better to call off the wedding or engagement for now. So step back and have a good look. Do not allow him to yell or disrespect you. For when you do marry it will be worse, believe me. Been there done that.

Answer 8

I think your fiancee feels bad because he cannot afford to pay for your wedding. Everytime you bring it up, he feels worse because he is reminded of it, especially when you say you're waiting for your house to sell so you'll have more money to put towards it. Back off on the subject altogether, you guys have already been engaged for a while so it's OK to wait longer. Let him be the one to bring it up when he's ready. I think it will work out just fine, right now it's just causing him stress. Hang in there and keep us posted on what happens!!

Answer 9

Ask him flat out if it is still his desire to have you as his wife, and then proceed from there. Weddings can cost from hundreds to thousands to millions if you let them. The first thing you need to do is set a budget. Decide for sure if you are wanting a destination wedding. If so get your date and stick to it. Check to see if you can set up a payment plan so that everything won't hit you at once.

Answer 10

wow...i feel bad for you. my husband move the date of our wedding up by like a year just because he wanted to get married so badly. at first i though that maybe your fiance is stressing over money, but to tell you your bugging him is just wrong. maybe he doesnt want to get married at all. maybe a little time apart would do you some good so you can find out if he really wants to be with you. i wouldnt go ahead with plans though because if he cahnges his mind then your out the money.