Honor my deceased mother at the ceremony?

Question

My mother recently passed away and I am getting married in April. She was very excited about the wedding but unfortunatly passed away very suddenly. I want to honor her somehow in the ceremony but I am trying to think of different ways to do it. This is touchy just because I want to honor her and remember her but I also get very upset as well does the rest of her friends /family when certain songs or the situation is talked about too much, i dont want to have everyone sobbing the whole time.. is supposed to be happy.... Please Help!

Answer 1

Light a candle in her honor,. Have a small table set to the side with flowers, her photo, with a lovely pillar. Have your father if he's giving you away say Her Mother & I, just as if she was sitting there. She will be with you in love.
Blessed be.

Answer 2

My boyfriend also lost his mother and she was his best friend. We've discussed our wedding and he told me I can plan and do whatever I want for the wedding, his only request: the song 'Ave Maria' be played during the ceremony and a single white candle be lit in honor of his mother. He doesn't want any speeches or memorials because of the emotion and especially at an already emotional event such as a wedding, he doesn't want to be saddened or sadden anyone else. He simply wants to pay his respects and honor his mother. Ave Maria is a beautiful ballad and perfect for your case. You can have it translated but I think the fact that it's in a different language adds to its meaning. Also, for those present that might not understand why the candle is being lit or the song played, in the program for the ceremony you can have printed next to the song and lighting of the candle, "In loving memory of ____". That way no words will have to be spoken and everyone will understand the significance of the song and take a moment to themselves to honor your mother. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

My mom passed away a few years ago and I also want to honour her at my wedding. Some people do something similar to a Unity Candle but it's called a Remembrance Candle. It can be for one person or a group of relatives who would have normally been at the wedding but had passed on before the event. You can have picture(s) of them around the candle and have someone else in the family light the candle. Alternatively, you could have a similar display of pictures set up on the gift table. It would kind of be like them watching over your presents. I'm also going to have a pink sweetheart rose (which was what her wedding bouquet was made of) in my bouquet which will be white roses.

That's a couple of suggestions for you. Hope you find something that works for you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your loss.

There are a number of ways to honor your mom and other deceased loved ones. You can put a little note in your program saying that although they couldn't be with us today, these people are still in your hearts...something to that effect...you can probably word it better than I.

I've seen a table with candles that say "In Loving Memory" and either the deceased person's name or a photo on the candle. I thought that was rather nice...which is what I'm going to do at my vow renewal ceremony.

I also like the idea of lighting a candle in their honor.

Another thing I am going to do in honor of my Grandma is have each member of the wedding party who was related to her (my bro, sis, cousin and a few others from the family--mom, aunt, my great-aunts) is have them carry/wear her favorite flower. The women will wear a corsage with a sunflower in it, the bridesmaids will have a sunflower in their bouquet and the guys will have a boutonniere with a sunflower in it. It's a subtle touch, but it would be quite meaningful and touching to the family members.

You can also have a song played in her memory...either during the ceremony or before it.

Answer 5

As much as I sympathize with your loss, I think you may be allowing your grief to overcome your sense of what is socially correct. There is no courteous way to invite people to a wedding and then surprise them with a memorial service, especially a memorial service for someone they didn't know well and who passed nearly a year ago. Sorry to be harsh, but this is how many of your guests would feel.

However, you don't need to exclude your mother entirely. In some quiet spot, set up a table with a collection of family photos. At least half of them should be of family members other than your mother. The central photo should be of you and your parents, either with or without siblings. One of the photos of your mother can be accompanied by a short written piece memorializing her.

Of course your groom must also have a table, with photos of his own family. Remember, this occasion is about your marriage, not about your grief.

Answer 6

I think I can help answer this for you as my wedding is in 17 days. My mother was my best friend and I miss her more than I have words to say. She passed away 5 yrs ago this past Vantine's Day. My father also passed away 19 yrs ago as well. At our ceremony we're having a picture of my parents with roses on it placed on the altar. I also found at my bridal salon a beautiful cameo style keychain that I am placing a picture of my mother in and having it connected to/hang from my bouquet holder so that when I walk up the aisle (my brother is giving me away) she will be with me. Their names are also in our wedding programs ( " in memory of ...... mother and father of the bride "). You can even take a moment before the ceremony begins before you walk up the aisle and speak to your mom. It's a way to keep her close but in a private way. Also, it is YOUR wedding and everyone else should know and respect your wishes for including your mother in your day however you want and hopefully out of love and respect for you they won't be upset by it.

As long as you keep the thought of your mom alive in your heart she will be with you no matter where you are, where you go in life or what you do. Just remember that she was excited about your wedding and that she loves you and is proud of you.

Best wishes for a happy and wonderful wedding day and marriage!

Answer 7

What song did she and your father dance to on their wedding day. Maybe you could dance to the same song and have it announced that its the same song you parents danced to in honour of your mother. I wouldn't go with the table idea some people wrote just because having something there will remind everyone the entire reception of your mother which might make them sad. I would either pick a song she liked or say a few words because it will show you care and love her, but it will not constantly remind people the whole wedding about the loss. Have a great day and remember your mom is proud of you and is smiling down on you that day, walking beside you and loving you.

Answer 8

I wouldn't do anything that will upset everyone. This is your day and your mother will be there with you. She wouldn't want you or anyone else crying anything other than tears of joy. Do you have something of hers that you could wear on your special day? A bracelet, ring, necklace, or even a hankie tucked somewhere. If you are having a reception, perhaps including her in a toast and at the very least a place setting at the table where she would have sat acknowledging that she would have been sitting there and I believe she WILL be sitting there. You could even remove one of the flowers from your bouquet and lay it at her place and give your father a kiss on the cheek. All the best to you and know that your mother loves you and will be there in spirit. God Bless you and yours.

Answer 9

Your mother is especially lucky to have had a daughter as nice as you are. I attended a wedding a few years ago in which the bride's mom had passed away a year before. She stood up before dinner and the blessing to say she wished her mom could be there but she knows she IS there in spirit, watching from above. She then continued to thank everyone for coming. It was beautiful, simple, and touching. It got the point across without creating sadness. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you a truly happy wedding day, and in the future.

Answer 10

If you still have her wedding ring wear it around your neck. And I dig the idea of a rose where she would have sat were she still alive. I carried a rose for my aunt who died when I was ten. She died the day before her wedding in a drunk driving accident. Mine was the first wedding in the family since her death. I had a deep red rose placed in the center of my bouquet (the bouquet was blue and green so it really stood out) I had it blessed by the preacher in her memory before the ceremony. It gave it a fun pop of color and I knew who it represented. I carried her aunt's memory with me down the aisle. I didn't tell anyone but those to whom it mattered. My grandmother, mother, and soon to be husband and the preacher. That was it. Everyone else just thought it was a fun bouquet addition. That made it special but not distracting.

Answer 11

You could leave the first seat open and place a single rose on it, have her picture up by the unity candle, light a candle in her honor or you may even consider placing her favorite flower in your bouquet. All of your guest may not know why one particular flower stands out, but you will. You could also mention her in your program or have the minister do so. It is a fresh wound and will take time to heal, you do what is most comfortable for you.