How do I get my mother in law to listen to me?

Question

we just had a baby, and everything we do my mother in law thinks she can do better, to the point that she refuses to listen to me and does what ever she wants. ex: we were camping this weekend and is was hot hot hot. we use a sound machine when our baby sleeps to block out outside noise. she doesnt like this, so she put him to bed and because the noise outside was waking him up she closed the window. now my 4 month old has heat rash from sweating in a sweltering trailer!!! she will be sitting right beside either my husband or myself and we will say something like "he doesnt need a blanket he is very warm" and she will not even acknowledge us. my husband had to go and yank the blanket away, this is jsut part of it the list goes on and on!! HELP!!! how do I deal with this, my husband has tried talking to her to no avail, we used to get along so well before the baby and I dont want this to end up with me refusing to be around her!!

p.s. she was a nurse and therefore knows all!!

Answer 1

your in a tough spot... You need to sit down with your husband and dicuss this, come to an agreement with him as to your mother in laws boundaries. Then you both need to sit down with her and try to reason with her, if that doesn't work then you are both going to have to get tougher. I feel for you, it will be a battle, but you have to win for you and your childs sake.

You can tell her that her ideas will be taken into consideration, but, she has done her job years ago raising her children, and now it is your turn, to be as good a mother as you know she had been, (after all you married her son) this might help soften the blow

Answer 2

I know this is hitting rock bottom for you with her. I think she feels that she knows more about a baby because she was a nurse and she already had a kid too which is your husband. However, she needs to know her place. Since talking to her is not going well you need to start getting your point across with action. Also tell her if she can't respect you and your husband then you will need to start keeping the baby away a lot more. Sit her down with you and your husband and really have a serious discussion. Tell her this will be the last time you will talk about this and you expect her to respect your wishes. If she can't abide by what you both want then you need to cut her off to a certian degree. I know you want things to go ok for your relationship with her, but what it boils down to is that you are the parent and she's the grandparent. You should have say so about your child and everybody else should follow and respect your wishes. I reall do hope this situation gets better for you and your family.

Answer 3

First of all, if you all live together, something has got to change.. and soon.

Second of all, there are only TWO people in a marriage -- your MIL needs to butt OUT.

You'll need to find a simple, yet respectful way to tell her that if she doesn't allow you to raise your child the way you and your husband see fit, then she will be aggrivating you and your husband to a point where there will be little to no contact with any of you and make it CLEAR that this is NOT what you want.

Tell her you realize that her feelings may be hurt, but that this situation is hurting your marriage and frustrating you as a new mother to a point where you feel she thinks you are incapable.

Be as honest as you can, but as empathetic as you can. Have your husband there with you by your side for support. Plan it out first, and role play it if you have to.

The point is, it's your family. She is welcomed for visits, love and kisses - but when it comes down for advice, you'll ask for it - it is no longer welcomed as an offering -

My best to you and your family!

Also, remind her that she did such a great job of raising her son which is why you married him and chose to have a family with him in the first place. She should trust him, and you to do as good a job as she did.

;)

Answer 4

I was facing the same thing like you till my doctor told me this n im going to share it with you ... She said, "You are the mother and you hold the highest authority over your child! Everyone can say whatever they think is best for your child but YOU, and yes only YOU, as his mother can decide for your child what is best for him!" After i heed her advice, my life got alot better! Stay firm and do what you think is right. Dont shout or be rude to her but do things your way. Eg. remove the blanket if you dont feel right and carry your baby to your bed n lock the room. make sure your husband is withyou when u do such things otherwise she carries tales like mine! Explain to your hubby how you feel n get him to stand by ur side. You will find his morale support very important! Your MIL sure gets angry w u in the beginning but as time passed, she'll learn the fact that she's interfering too much.. Really:)

Answer 5

Why on earth would you take her camping eith you? Limit her time with the baby as much as possible. It's up to your husband to tell his mother to stop. Something along the lines of "Mom, we have our own way of doing things and we have to learn the best way to care for the baby. Please don't interfere."

Answer 6

Try sitting her down and have a heart to heart while your husband takes the baby. She may listen if you tell her how you're feeling.

Answer 7

TELL HER IF SHE DONT LIKE HOW YOU DO THINGS WITH YOUR CHILD THEN SHE CAN JUST STAY THE HELL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE PERIOD. YOU NEED TO WHAT YOU THINK IS RIGHT FOR YOU BABY, MOMMY KNOWS BEST NOT MONSTER IN LAW

Answer 8

Well, she is a nurse she knows it all. But you have a right for your mother in law to listen to you. Because you want to know if it best for you.

my wife was in hosptial gave birth my son. My mother in law said to me i can take care of your daughter and you go home I told her no. My daugther she going with me period. So then got home eat and sleep somehow my daughter threw up and fever hit 105 and i called mother in law and told her i have to take her to Dr. and she came and took me and her to dr. and when we are waiting and Mother in law kept on saying let me hold her and i take care of it. I told her no my daughter period understand she need Daddy now. and My daughter said I want Daddy. so hold her and walk in hositpal and she still kept on saying let me do this for you.. I stood up and told her stright up.. I am the damn Father of my child and Back off. You are pushing it. I am responiable for my child. sat down and nurse was smiling knowing how I felt. and mother in law drop me home and her home.. I told her you need to let me and jennifer know how to take care of my kids. next daay i bring violet to see wife and baby boy.I told her taht I don't like your mother telling me what to do and how to do with my kid. and she said I know my mom told me that you did what you did best for your daughter and she need to start listen.... and by the way Nurse told mother in law that you know you son in law is a really good father who knows how it feel and going though he not panic or anything.

So, really you should talk to your husband and talk about it like how you feel about you mom doing this right now. If he said I don't like what my mother doing then both have to tell her face to face and be honest and tell her. she might not like it and she might be mad few days who knows.

When jennifer and I talk about her mom and went told her how we felt. and then Guess what Mother in law agree and back off and now she and I are doing great and WHen i ask you question she gave me answer sometime there is no answer. not just take over just explain to me what I need to do. smiling

I hope this work.

Answer 9

ugghhh, i know, i know, i HATE when granny gets involved!
tell her that her mommy time is OVER, and its your time. tell her your son has plenty of mothering with one-YOU.
so what if you do things she doesnt agree with, tell her to back off and let you handle things

Answer 10

JUST LET HER KNOW UP FRONT THAT YOU DON'T NEED HER DAMN HELP IN RAISING YOUR CHILD. TELL HER THAT YOU APPRECIATE HER LITTLE SUGGESTIONS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING! ALSO LET HER KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SHE WAS A NURSE BUT YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR OWN!