2006-07-05 05:24:28 · 18 answers · asked by b77 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Whats the first sign of madness??
Suggs walking up your driveway!!
2006-07-05 09:05:20 · answer #1 · answered by big_dave_x 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three funny jokes:
1.A blonde walks into a bar, a brunette walks past it.
2.Why did the chicken cross the road?
(to get to the other side)
why did the chicken want to get to the other side?
(to go to the toilet)
why did the chicken want to go to the toilet?
(to hang out with all the cocks)!
3. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"
2006-07-05 09:29:27 · answer #2 · answered by Amber the Answerer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,
Q.wats black and white but red all over.
A.A newspaper
Q.Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A.Because it's too far to walk.
Q.If an electric train is heading north, which way would the steam be coming out?
A.It isn't. It's an electric train.
Q.Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock?
A.Because time will tell.
2006-07-05 05:38:10 · answer #3 · answered by girlsdivion17 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(this joke was popular when clinton was president)
one day clinton's secretary died and went to heaven. There she is greeted by the saint. the saint welcomes her and decides to give her a tour of heaven. They go everywhere , while the saint is pointing out all the different sites of heaven and explaining what they are etc.. At last they reach a room filled with clocks. At this the secretery is surprised and asks him why there is a room full of clocks. So he replies " every person in the world has a clock assigned to him. It keeps track of the sins he has committed. For every sin a person has committed , the min hand moves 1 min. Come ..let me show you ur clock". so they go to her clock. and the min hand has not moved at all...and she is very happy that her life has been sinfree. Next the saint shows her the clocks of her family members. and in all of them , them min hand has not moved at all. Like this, the priest shows her the clocks of almost every one of her friends' and relatives' . At last.. the saint takes her out of the clock room. Upon this the secretery exclaim.. " oh. .. wait.. u didnt show me my president's clock. Can i go look at it." the saint replise." im sorry, but that is not possible". The secretery , surprised asks.. " why not, i really want to see it ." so the saint replies.. " well.. you cannot see it because we (the saints) use it as a fan in our lounge."
2006-07-05 06:34:12 · answer #4 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
World History Test
1.Why America fight England?
a. beacuse George Washington and the King of England love a same woman
b. because America say some curse to England
c. they plan to have a fight
2.Which year is the world war 3 begin?
a no such thing
b.54864341861
c.6548434146
3.Where's the first king of France born ?
a. France
b.Korea
c.South Africa
2006-07-05 05:53:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dangerous Squirrels
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet.
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said “There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.”
“So then what did make you scream,” Bob asked, exasperated.
“Well,” Joe continued, “two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, ‘Should we take them home or eat 'em now?’”
2006-07-05 12:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Peter Kay is usually good at it. Always makes me laugh. Don't know if he offers guarantees though
2006-07-05 05:30:36 · answer #7 · answered by Zecca 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope but I can send a photograph of me
Should keep you laughing for a while
OH! it will keep the kids quite too,
(WITH FEAR)
If the laughter don`t make you HAPPY. the silence WILL
2006-07-05 05:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by itsa o 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What is the difference between a Porcupine and a BMW?
A: With a BMW, the pricks are on the inside!
2006-07-05 05:30:17 · answer #9 · answered by Luckyprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
2006-07-05 05:29:11 · answer #10 · answered by static7410 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋