are they serious!?

Question

what should i do if my child sees me as one of their friends, you know talking to me anyhow , talking to me rudely, back chatting me rudely, slamming doors in my face, locking their bedroom doors purposely if i yell at them, removing themselves from their timeouts, saying i hate you in public loudly,disrespecting me
what should i do?

Answer 1

You need to look into the reason your child thinks it's OK to act this way. I think you might need counselling to learn how to be the grown-up in this relationship. Children don't need parents who are friends, they need guidance and love.

Answer 2

Always stay calm. Once you start yelling, you lose control and your kid wins. Remove the door from his room. Why does he even have a lock on his door? His privacy needs to be earned and he could do that by showing respect. If he can't say anything nice to you, then the only things that should come from his mouth are, "Yes," "No," "Please," "Thank you," or "I'm sorry/Excuse me."

What do you mean by "removing themselves from their timeouts"? How old are they? If they're little, then return them to their timeout without saying anything. When they're put on timeout, make sure you tell them exactly why, and you don't keep them there too long (one minute for every year of their age). After the alloted time, calmly remind them why they are there and ask for an apology. If you don't get one, they stay in timeout until they apologize. Just don't yell or raise your voice.

If your kid(s) is older, he/she may be too old for time out. Take away privilages, one by one. Don't yell or raise your voice. It's the hardest part, but you really do lose control of the situation when you do. They need to be reminded of how parents are to be treated. However, if they need your hugs and kisses, give them some.

Sometimes the line between parenting and friendship becomes blurred because parents replace actual parenting with gifts and privilages. Your kids may need to spend time with you doing fun things that they like. Before you leave, let them know how they are expected to behave and if they act up, you'll all be leaving early. As soon as they become loud and disrespectful, it's time to leave.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 3

Spank their little butt!! Sorry to say it but it sounds to me like your child has a lack of respect due to not being disciplined. Too many times have they done something wrong and they have been allowed to get away with it. Time outs are worthless and teach the child nothing. If the child knows that a punishment that doesn't exactly feel all the great is what will follow if they act out of line, then they are much less likely to do it. Both my brother and I were raised this way. If we did something wrong, we got a spanking. And please don't think my parents cruel to do that. Kids were raised that way for decades back in the day and as the generations continue, they seem to gradually keep getting more and more out of hand and unbelievabely rude and disrespectful due to the lack of discipline. If they wanna lock their doors, unscrew the door knob, open the door, spank their little behind and threaten that if they want to do it again, you're going to completely romove the door from the hinges and they just won't have a door. When they say "I hate you" pop them across the mouth and tell them, we'll see how much you hate me while you're grounded for a month and can't watch TV, Go anywhere with friends, or talk on the phone. You always need to have one up on your child. Keep them in line and make them respect you and their elders. Never do any of this without going back a few minutes after you deal the punishment and explain why you're doing what you're doing and that you love them. But, whatever you do, DO NOT TAKE BACK THE PUNISHMENT! That teaches them nothing, just like time out. Now i'm not telling you to BEAT your kid. No, nothing like that. But spankings do not emotionally or physically scar your child. I know all the media and hype say that spanking your child teaches them violence and thats how we get all of our murderers and phsychopaths out there, but that's actually just the opposite. The murderers and phsychopaths come from all the kids who were never disciplined correctly and were never made to pay any consequences for their actions. They grew up with an attitude and hatered and were led to believe that they could do anything they wanted to and get away with it. But ultimately, the choice is yours. You are the only person who can raise your child. Not anyone on here (yahoo or online) Good Luck.

Answer 4

I wish you would specity sex and age, but I assume they have to be between 12-14, they are usually that way due to the hormone changes. But regardless the change, he/she needs to be disciplined. When she talks back to you explain to her how that is not the way to talk to a mother. DO NOT put yourself at his/her level by yelling back, slamming doors or making a public scene. They will only continue this trend. Have you ever disciplined a child that is not yours? For example, a kicking and screaming kid that is just throwing a fit bc he can't get a toy he wants. I have, and I pick them up from the ground and tell them in a firm voice "you cannot act like this, you are not a baby and you need to behave because you are in a public place, if mommy can't buy you this toy you will be ok, maybe next time. with an attitude like that she can't buy you toys, you need to be a good boy!" and they stop. In a parenting magazine it explained that kids to want discipline. So next time your child acts up, you need to put the mom pants on and the adult hat on too. Be strict to a point. No going to the movies for a month, no talking on the phone and not tv, you have to do extra chores around the house. When she slams doors in your face walk into her room and grab her and take her out to the living room, don't give her a chance to talk back, if she even says a word tell her " I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A WORD FROM YOU!" sit her on the couch and tell her that she needs to respect you. There are so many things you can do. Limit her spending budget, not designer jeans, no shopping at malls, or no new games.
Another thing you can do, is put him or her in sports, the exercise will help release that teenage stress.
If that doesn't work, go see a counselor. Some kids are exposed to things that they are not comfortable with and they rebel. A counselor might get those feelings out.
Make sure that your spouse respects you and you respect him/her back. Kids see the things that go on at home.
Check with her teachers, she might have problems at school. Maybe with grades, opposite sex, teasing.
Last but not least, I was spanked once for talking back to my mom at the age of 6 and I have never forgotten that, not in the regards that I am scarred bc I'm not, but I came to realize the kind of pedestal a mother is on and I NEVER did it again.
I don't recommend hitting them bc that (nowadays) causes a lot of psychological problems (damn kids-I think its a act) but you never know. I think if you can beat them through teaching, they would be better of. Try attending church as a family, have family dinners and outings, maybe your family lacks unity. There are so many things that need to be looked at.

Answer 5

Why do you act like you just lost them recently? Teaching respect starts from toddlerhood when they start testing their limits and you do nothing but think they are cute and their behavior is "just a phase". Ummm its not, and it will carry into childhood and beyond if you don't teach them correctly. They should be able to come to you for things like advice and to tell you about their day at school, but you are not their best friend, you are there to offer your love and extraordinary advice, advice that will help them out not bury them. All kids come to a point where they think their parents are stupid, at one point or another they do think they are smarter than their parents even though they are not. Tell them you do not appreciate the way they are talking to you and set your boundaries and make consequences for them when they cross your boundary...this should have been set years ago btw. Slamming doors? Remove the door? Privacy is a priveledge in your house not a right, they can always shower and dress in the bathroom where anyone should have their privacy, but that room is a room in YOUR house, a house you pay for, not them...same with the locks, get rid of them.
Grab a James Dobson book, he's got many child rearing books available and he's a very smart Godly man...and I have three children of my own and if you stick to your guns you will see change, hopefully not only in your kids but yourself as well. Best of luck!

Answer 6

you should first be very firm and let them know that its NOT ok to do those things. Have you ever tried having a civil conversation with them? If that doesn't work, you can always go to couseling together or even individually to find out why your child has this behavior toward you.
That kind of behavior will only get worse as the child gets older if they are able to get away with it now.
Happens mostly when the parents are seperated. Seeking professional help is a good thing because professionals can usually help out with somthing that your NOT seeing. :) The best referrals are by mouth.. So ask around your area where you can find a good Marriage/Family therapist.. IT will be well worth the money spent

Answer 7

I gotta second the person who said, "if they slam the door, take it off, if they lock the door remove the lock." You're the parent and you have authority, make sure that the child knows that. If timeout isn't effective, then you have to use a stricter form of punishment. Make it so bad that they want timeout back. Then you know that the punishment is an effetive deterant.

Answer 8

back hand to the mouth. My mother did that to me and it kind of made me think twice between back talking her in public cause I knew that I would be more embarressed with a smack in the face than her feelings being hurt. And as far as the door goes, remove it. They think they're so dang cute, when they're not around, take the whole door off and when they come home, RUDE AWAKING. Removing from timeouts, smack that butt. 1 smack for every year they are. Grounding, no phone, no friends, you can make this summer the worst summer in their lives if you'd like. Get some guts, and show them whos boss.

Answer 9

It's because your child doesn't feel your authority. You're an easy prey to your child...
Or maybe, your child wants you to pay attention to what he does. If it's because of this, you need to love a lot more your child.
If your child rejects you that means he needs to be alone for a while.
Here's a tip : try to let him do whatever he wants for a week. Don't call him when you have lunch, Don't tell him what time he has to come back home, don't force him to do things he doesn't like to do... if he enjoys it, just forget it and try something else such as shouting, punishing etc...
If he feels bad about the situation... try to convince him all you do was helping him, and that one day you won't be here for him ... but DO NOT yell... just talk to him like a serious thing ...

Answer 10

Take the bull by the horns !!
Locking doors? Remove them.Tell him/her its YOUR house.
Tell him/her if they disrespect you , in public you will disrespect them in public. It doesnt even have to be a big deal.Just say louder than normal and very firm "Do not disrespect me , or I WILL embaress you right here right now!"say it in front of 1 or 2 strangers and they will stop.
Back talk: I get a very mean look on my face and say "Dont you dare talk to me that way " Who do you think you are?"
The look in the face is enough.
I have 3 boys and they have all tried this.I have never needed to spank any of them.I think to get respect as a parent you need to demand it.You are raising them , you need to let them know this behavior will not be tolerated at all.
When you notice a change even a slight one.Acknowledge it as soon as you see it.
Good luck and start now.

Answer 11

First of all, yelling will not help. After a while they tune you out. Have you ever thought of making your child go to counseling to find out where the anger and disrespect comes from? There could be underlying issues that you are not aware of. Depending on how long you have allowed this behavior, affect the length of time it takes to effectively change the behavior. You must take things away from them that means a lot to them. Depending on age, my sister who is a therapist advises taking all the toys out of the room and not allowing them to have them back until they earn them. Which means one toy per day with a show of respect for you. If they are older then you take electronics, computer privileges or TV away from them.