will i ever stop hating my dad?

Question

my dad was always nasty to me when i was growing up, he told me when i was 7 he didnt like me, he was verbally abusive and border lined being physical-when my mum and dad divorced i blamed it on myself because they were always arguing over me, and the way my dad treated me over my brother and sister, its been 5 years since i last spoke to him, i really hate him, but i wonder if this feeling will ever go, can i just forgive him and talk to him?

Answer 1

Hey Lukio,
I read in a book "seven habits of highly effective people" .....You are in control of your own feelings and emotions. if someone has hurt you, you can either chose to blame them and remain in a state of hurt and hate or you can chose to be greater than that feeling and look at it as being a good learning experience (never to do that to your kids) and maybe an opportunity for a little personal growth. At the end of the day, your dad is living his life oblivious to what you feel for him and you are consumed by the hate.... its not worth it.... Just let it go..... (who will be better off???)

Answer 2

Well to be honest, I dont think u and your Dad will ever be best friends.

You will always be wondering when it will all go wrong again. Its not difficult to understand because u look upon your parents as the main people to teach you the importance of respect, love and most of all trust. Children learn what they live i just hope that you have learnt from your own mistakes as your dad has clearly let you down. My dad hasn't been there for us either since Mum passed away 6 yrs ago

So i know how it feels to be let down. Time is the best remedy and even if you never get that father son bond at least you can teach him what a grown up man is and let him know that you didn't need him to guide you because rightly or wrongly you have had to guide yourself. Just show him what a man you are and keep your distance if he ever gets in touch but always be civil.

As much as it hurts, if he was gone tomorrow or if he died you would be left feeling guilty

Answer 3

Absolutely you can, will you? That's something only you can decide.

Let me ask this, if he were abusive due to a mental illness, dependency (alcohol or other), or addictions and now was recovered could you forgive him?

What if he is repentant just because he had a change of heart? Can you forgive him then? There's no difference, in fact I'd go so far as to say it's harder to ask forgiveness for things that you COULD control over things you maybe couldn't.

That being said, he could just be a Jack@ss. But you'll never know until you talk to him.

Answer 4

First I think you have to start by forgiving yourself and realizing that there was a lot of stuff going on that you don't know about that was a large part of the issue between your parents. I've been guilty of blaming myself for my parents divorce. The truth I have learned many years later was way more complicated than I could have imagined and it was really between my parents and had nothing to do with us kids. The key beyond understanding that is to gradually take time to learn more about why your dad feels the way he does and let him know you feelings and how you view the situation. Hopefully he loves you and will be able to gradually explain to you that his actions weren't your fault.

Answer 5

My father was abusive also. When I was too old to hit, I was belittled, and this went on until he died in 2004. I felt sorry for him, as he was incapable of feeling anything. We were the extensions of his life that got in his way, but nevertheless I kept trying until the day he died. It was only then I could have my own identity without the fear of him over my shoulder. He died a very lonely man and I felt nothing as I saw him into the ground. For this I am ashamed, but hate has no part in this world, it leaves you bitter and twisted, and it is you who suffers then. So think about forgiving and moving on, it will be better for you in the long run! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Listen, it's never easy to forgive or forget the pain and sufferring that is caused by a parent growing up. The pain will ease and you will forgive, only if you want to or decide to. My mother was physically, and mentally abused by her father when she was growing up, when she got older and wiser and had kids of her own, she was able to forgive him. He said he was sorry, and my mother knew that if she wanted to stop being angry with him and hating him she would have to forgive him. They now speak to each other and they understand one another. Only forgive him if you want to. You will feel a lot better if you forgive him and talk to him.

Answer 7

Some people are in this world like this, this is a sad but true. According to me you should take care of you self. Your father ? According to me, never give anything unless asked. You were asking his love for you, not hate. When you want to step forward always think what this person was thinking person could pretend but not love you. If you hate then hate him don't guilty.You have a right let it come out. No one is going to finish with this behaviour. At least you will live your life.

Answer 8

I hope you can forgive your dad and put the past behind you, i know it is hard because i can't forgive my dad (long story) i don't speak to no side of that part of my family. It has caused me alot of heartache and pain.
I wish you luck on your decision and hope you make a break through.
I always remember this anyone can be a dad it takes someone special to be a father.

Answer 9

Dude, I have been there... Abuse, no matter the type, is hard to deal with, especially as a child... You blame yourself when in fact you should blame HIM!!!

I haven't spoken to my father in over 10 years... And hope not to... I told him the next time I had contact was at his funeral... ;)

Don't forgive him, forget about him and live your life in a better way... It is for the best...

Answer 10

hi my friend!
b4 telling u anything ,remember he is ur dad , remember after God he created u. created who? you honest and good person!
you and i dont know how ur dad's parents treated and behaved with him, he has mentally problem, forgive him , if he says i hate u, im sure ur heart will broke.but just dont say anything to him,dont shout, do nothing. just go away of that situation, and keep urself busy with so many things. u will not always live with ur dad .ur not with him forever ,u will start a new life ,and u will live with ur wife, so the thing u have to do is helping dad, being kind with him, if u cant! then dont reply his anger with anger and rude way.
if u do this, be sure God will always help u and give u patience in life and relation with dad.:) im sure
ur 21 year old friend
ANAHITA