They only come around for christmas and birthdays or when they think they are gonna get money.They are 16 and 19.It's been going on for a couple of years.
2006-07-05 05:05:18 · 14 answers · asked by rafter1669 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I am the father.I used to buy them everything plus the child support.I can't do it any more.
2006-07-05 05:19:39 · update #1
NO WAY!!!
2006-07-12 00:36:18 · answer #1 · answered by bran 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every teenager will "hate" their parent at some point. They want to be independent and do what they want, and you're getting in the way of that. To get what they want, this is also their only weapon against you: Rejection.
In their 20's and 30's, they usually come around and realize (often when they start their own families) what their parents went through and why. So chances are this is just a stage to get through.
You are the parent. They are the kids. You're not there to win points or make them like you. You are there to set safe and healthy boundaries for them. Giving them their way to become self-centered and rude and greedy is not helping them at all, and only hurting them in the long run.
Meanwhile, you need to treat them with respect and love. Ask them about their lives, share things about yours, give them what freedom you can, make them feel like you really listen to them.
Teenagers will still be distant and hard to deal with, and you will probably be rebuffed. Don't let their threatened rejection of you "push your buttons." It will hurt, but you can't afford to base your decisions on what they will or won't give you.
Give them what they need, not what they want.
2006-07-05 12:20:42 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce causes a lot of conflicted feelings for kids. Mom: are you the one who initiated the divorce, or could it be that your daughters see it that way? In that case, they might resent you a lot for it. On the flip side, if you acted as more of a victim, they may resent you for acting weak. Both of these are very common scenarios. In either case, I would suggest some family counseling.
If you were spoiling the girls as a way to bribe them to come around, there must be a lot of resentment toward you on their part. This resentment is a result of something larger than you taking away the material gifts. Have you tried talking to the girls about this? Are you able to visit them? Once again, I suggest counceling.
2006-07-05 12:42:04 · answer #3 · answered by kwinkle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Dad, Welcome to the world of selfish, self centered children. Yes you helped make them that way, and now that you are no longer able to or want to they are rebelling. DO NOT give in. When they show up looking for gifts, explain to them that your situation has changed and that though you would love to be able to spoil them, you cannot do it with money or gifts, but that you would dearly love to be able to spoil them with the gift of your love and time spent together. As they become adults hopefully they will see that you do love them, and that having everything handed to them, is not the way life should be. Hang in there and remind yourself, they are still kids and kids are sometimes cruel to those they love, because they know it is a safe place where the love still comes through. Good Luck!
2006-07-05 12:27:39 · answer #4 · answered by a59cinderella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what who cares if they say they hate you.... if you are not able to do something then you are not able too.. and they need to stop being so damn selfish and realize that. When they say they hate you... they are just showing how spoiled they really are....
Look pass them, they will get over it... they are not going to die.
Sounds like to me they need a reality check, now you can take this how ever you want to. but I'm just being real with you.
Let them say what they want to you, and make sure they know it doesn't bother you, because if it starts to bother you and they can see that, they will use that to their advantage. you are the parent. not a push over. Grand parents are push overs lol. seriously though.
if they stop coming around, which they won't..... then just call them on the phone and keep telling them how much you love them, and care for them,... let them be mad all day long if they want to... they will eventually get over it ok honey. take care.
2006-07-05 12:27:49 · answer #5 · answered by TeTe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My partner is in the same situ with his two! They hate you or say they do to mke you give in! Kids these days know what they want and how to get it. Do you ever get a Xmas card and pressie or a B'day card etc. My partner never does and his sone wants a motor bike this year (not in my lifetime!:) Just hand in tthere as they get older and have to work for what they get they will realise and appreciate you better. I feel you have and are doing the right thing. - WELLDONE!!
2006-07-05 14:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DIVORCED or not your dealing with TEENAGERS ...They do not care about any thing but them self's me...me....me Put your foot down. But, If you spoiled them before you helped create the MONSTERS ! your dealing with now. So all you can do is LOVE'em and start setting your new rules down and try to let them know you have feelings too ! And let them also know your not made of money ....Girls have a lot of needs... I have 2 myself.I'm rooting for ya ! GOOD LUCK ! in time it will work out. Thanks : )
2006-07-05 12:38:25 · answer #7 · answered by pitterpatter47 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you're divorced and they only come around for money so I take it they live with their father. Let him spoil the little brats, it's clear it hasn't gotten you anywhere but used. Why do they say they hate you? I would say even though you're their mother don't give in to them. Please give more detail.
2006-07-05 12:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by SB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Despite the pressure, you know better than they do what is best for them, and it's not spoiling them. Continue to show them that what they need is love and caring attention, not more stuff. They'll come around one day.
2006-07-05 12:09:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anton V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply give them what they actually need, not what they want.
Help them realize material things are always secondary!
Shame on them... Don't be blackmailed, Dad ~ Hang in there
One day they'll express apprecition for the love you demonstrate
2006-07-05 13:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how were you "spoiling" them in the first place? and why.
No, dont give in...reassure that you love them, but you'll not be manipulated by them.
2006-07-05 12:10:03 · answer #11 · answered by goodwitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋