As a child, my mom abused and neglected me. I never went to school, never ate at a regualr time, didn't sleep that much, always had soda to keep me awake. She always said that everything was going to be ok, but she was ALWAYS on drugs so it's not like she actually knew what I was doing and where I was. She never said "I love you" or gave me any hugs. About 4 years ago, I was put into a foster home with my brother and little sister. After about a week, they took us out, and now we live with our dad and stepmom. My first year of school was 6th grade, so it was kinda hard to fit in. My mom stopped talking to me about 3 years ago. I sent her a letter but she never got it. I'm only 15 and am not sure how I'm supposed to feel. Should I still love her? Would you love your mother if she did that to you?
2006-07-05 04:43:31 · 29 answers · asked by Socastee_Angel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She lives up in PA and I now live in SC. I used to live in NJ so it wasn't like she had to drive an hour to see me. She lives with her parents and my brother and they all said that she never got the letter. How can somebody treat someone like this?
2006-07-05 05:00:20 · update #1
right now, you need to focus on your life.
Your mom loved you but she let her personal demons take control of her life. Yeah she was a bad mother, but that does not mean you can't still love her.
I went through a lot of stuff with my mom and step dad when I was younger. I would never go live with them after that but I still loved my mom, and still do.
One day in 10 years or so you will be able to look back on things much clearer than now.
Right now you don't have to love your mom, or like her if that's what it takes to get your life on track. I think you need to get some counselling to get to the point where you can understand where you were in the past, and understand where you are today, and why you need to focus on today.
As they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. This is something that will either destroy the rest of your life or make you much stronger than most people.
You already write many times better than most 20 somethings on here, and your maturity level is way beyond most 20 somethings I know. You already have had to grow up too quickly, but that can be an asset instead of a liability.
Take care of your life now. Then you can help your brother and sister, then you can create the life you want in the future with or without your mom.
Good luck. But you already have everything in you to be all right.
2006-07-05 04:56:28 · answer #1 · answered by ColvinBri 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you can't help what you feel...if you still love your mother then you still do....I would continue writing her letters every so often...just to let her know that you are still there and will always love her. What she did to you is VERY wrong and you SHOULD feel angry about it....but that doesn't always take away the bond that a child feels for their own parents....just realize that she is a very sick person and she obviously can't help what she does or doesn't do when she's on the drugs....it's a sad situation but you really sound like you are a tough little cookie! Develop a closer relationship with your Dad and Stepmom and let them know how you are feeling...don't be embarrased, there is nothing to feel ashamed about...hopefully you can talk to them or get into some counseling if your aren't already....
I'm rooting for you...Chin Up!!!
2006-07-05 04:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by Blue_Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iam happy you are in a good home . But I can see a long road up ahead, for you and your mother. We are given one mother and father. Thru all the bad things she had done to you. It's you choice to rekindle the family ties with her.
A mother is not a good mother, having drugs come over her own kids. Not loving them, and caring for them. Is she still on drugs ??? If so she needs some help getting off of them. All the memories she miss, being around her kids. Will hurt her in the long run. When she does get help, she will think about what she had done.
How she put her kids thru heck and back. Sometimes, it takes a person to learn the hard way. Learn from her mistakes. From there she needs to mend what been broken.
2006-07-05 05:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by kygl28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your mother is a very sick person, you however are a very brave person! Love your mother and forgive her for being a drug addict, look at all of the things that you don't want to inflict on your child if you ever become a parent. Your ability to forgive her and accept the things that you can not change will help you grow as a person and not have emotional scars disrupt your life. You got a stinky deal with a bad parent, don't let it be your excuse to fail or consume you with self pity, your not alone on this claim of land!
2006-07-05 04:52:01 · answer #4 · answered by want2flybye 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun it sounds like ur mom has a lot of problems she needs 2 deal with n none of them r ur fault.I am glad that you finally got a stable home and that ur in school,do not give up u will catch up n do great.learn from ur moms mistakes,that right there will make u a better person.dont hate her,she has an addiction problem,which unfortunately she cannot control. love her 4 being the one who brought u on this earth but let her go on with her life till she changes.if u never hear from her again count urself lucky if u do then make sure she is in counceling and rehab before u start a relationship with her. good luck n I hope that u get the best of luck from here on out.
2006-07-05 04:55:01 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Geo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough question. but I think I would still love her and feel sorry for her...but you should also realize that she probably has some very big issues and might not understand or see how bad it was what she did to you and your siblings. I'm glad you live with your dad and step mom and hope you're happy now and are able to enjoy your childhood/teenage years.
nobody can tell you how you're supposed to feel because it's too personal and your heart feels what it feels. try to love and forgive her and wish her the best for her life, but concentrate on your 'new' life. maybe that will help to cope with the experience. I don't know how you're dad is dealing with it but maybe you could talk to him a little and he can help you to understand better.
2006-07-05 04:53:41 · answer #6 · answered by sarea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I hope you are in a better home now. I am sorry for your situation growing up. No child should be in that kind of life and I am sorry you were.
You raise some tough questions that you will answer for yourself with age. With age comes wisdom. Should you love your mother? In the back of your heart, yes. In the front of your heart you should love those who are loving you right now...those who are looking out for you and giving back to you. Spend your active time now healing and learning to love those who love you back.
Your mom obviously was incapable of raising and supporting her child. That is what drugs do. The best gift you can give yourself is a better life for yourself and your children some day. It can stop with you.
When and if she cleans herself up, she can get back into your life (and only then) and she will see what a lovely person you have become in spite of what she could not give you.
2006-07-05 04:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by Sir J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family cared for foster kids, and I always said that they should love their parents. They didn't have to like their actions, but it's not like you only have so much love to give. I don't think you should ever live with your mother again. Yet if you do love her, once you have matured, you could try to help her. Not all people should be parents, and no kid deserves to be tortured, but I truly believe that people can change. Eventually. The hard part is learning, and understanding deep inside, that it wasn't you that caused it.
2006-07-05 04:55:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that there is anything in this world to make me hate my mother. I was blessed with great God-fearing parents but I work in a juvenile facility where I hear this story all the time. I always tell them that everything happens for a reason, maybe you went through all of this and it will help to make you a stronger person. Don't blame or hate your mother she's only human.
2006-07-05 04:54:19 · answer #9 · answered by akimbleywill 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u dont love her u wud be neglecting her like she neglected u , as u mentioned she was on drugs..she didnt noe wht she was doing...maybe if u talk to her and help her sort her life out , understand y she did that to u there maybe problems u dont noe about ....all human being make mistakes some bigger tan the others like this one but then again we forgive...and u can do that by helping her...all da best
2006-07-05 04:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by rayna_678 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋