Im 19, hes 25. we have a son together and he has a child from a previous relationship. I dont want another child, to be honest i didnt want any at all. dont get me wrong, i love my son, i just dont want another child. he keeps saying how he wants to try for a girl since he has two boys. what if we have another son? i understand that every father wants a little girl to cling to him. but its just not for me. we cannot provide for another child financially, even though he insists, and knowing myself, i would not have the patience for another child. my son is just reaching a yr old and my husband keeps trying to talk me into getting pregnant again. its very painful to go through, its uncomfortable, and its an experience that i do not want to go through again. i just want the child that i have. i have tried everything, from holding out to giving two hour speeches on how another child is not the best for us, does anyone know anything worth saying to him to make him step back and see?
2006-07-05 04:05:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
just try and talk to him and tell him how you feel.. i do not think you should have a child again at all if it is not what you want.. i think he is being very unreasonable and selfish to want you to do this when you do not want another child.. tell him you are just not up to having a child right now.. you do not feel good.. or i would tell him anything if i did not want a child.. i just do not think it is right for him to push you into anything like this....
2006-07-05 04:09:22 · answer #1 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're only 19? Congrats on being a good mother to your son. It's hard enough navigating through young adulthood, and you have the extra stress of being a mother and a wife.
I can understand why you want to wait, and I think many women would feel the same way.
Well, you don't have to say you will "never" have any more kids. Feelings change over time. Maybe in a few years you will feel differently and be open to it. So you don't have to make a permanent decision right now; let him know that simply at this time you cannot deal with more stress. That would be bad for you, him, the kids you do have, and the kid he wants to have.
You are also not a baby machine, you're a human being. Your husband is not the one who has to be pregnant, has to take care of the kids and stay home with them, deal with the stress of that, and so forth. It is not a small thing he is asking you to do.
And what if you get pregnant, and you have a boy? Will he want yet another child after that? Where does it end?
Tell him you understand he wants a girl and how he would be a good father to a daughter, but it's not like playing the lotto until you get what you want. Instead, you have to want what you get. The need is real for him, so acknowledge and respect/sympathize with it; but also make clear that he has responsibilities as a husband and father. He has to do what is best for his family right now.
If you need to, you can set goals/criteria that have to be met before you will agree to get pregnant again:
1. A certain level of steady income.
2. Certain age of your current kids.
3. Certain home environment.
4. Certain chores/things he has to do as the father/husband to help care for the kids -- and him doing them with your CURRENT kids, to show he can do them later.
That's a good compromise. Be honest with what you need to make it work, and then let the ball rest in his court -- if he truly wants a daughter, then he can go for it if he provides what is necessary for you all to successfully raise your family. In the end, then, it's his choice.
If you really feel strongly about not having another child right now, don't succumb to pressure. He's 25, you're 19; he'll be tempted to push on you since he's so much older, hoping that since you're younger you'll give in.
Do what is best for you and for your family.
2006-07-05 12:01:11 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that every father wants a little girl to cling to him. but its just not for me. we cannot provide for another child financially, even though he insists, and knowing myself, I would not have the patience for another child. Its very painful to go through, its uncomfortable, and its an experience that i do not want to go through again. I just want the child that I have.
Those are your words not mine. You have to be upfront with him about what you are feeling inside. Forget about the fact that you are financially stable right now. The feelings that you are having in your heart is what is going to get him to see it the way that you do. You can't have a child with just one parent and right now you are not being a team and talking out the whole things. Good Luck!!
2006-07-12 10:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by Queenmeupscottie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband always wanted a big family, like 4 kids minimum and right now we have 2 and i am beat. they're a handful and i feel just like you do...everything you said sounds just like me. i told my husband we can't afford any more kids, and that it's selfish to bring another child into this world when only one person wants it. i told him that i am not cut out to have more children than i have, and that if we did have a 3rd child, i don't have what it takes to be the best mom i can at that point. and it would not only be unfair to the new baby but to our other 2 children as well. we are a military family so our circumstances may be slightly different but we have no family around to help us, no one at all. my husband's job is very demanding and as far as the kids go, it's all on me. he deploys for months at a time while i sit at home in a foreign country with a handful of kids. when they were babies still and he was away for work, or when he would ask for a night out with the guys i would feel like the oldest 20 something year old there was. here both of us are the same age and i felt like i was aging 3x as fast giving up everything of myself. we have friends here but i would never drop off my kids at a friends house and run for my life. (lol, slight exageration!) like i would do to my own mom! it took a lot of convincing on my part but i had to be brutally honest with my husband. it was uncomfortable but he didn't understand how a mother could say something like that and i told him i am only human. i'm not a bad person, i am trying to prevent a mistake. tell yours you cannot handle the stress of having another child, it may cause so much stress your family may come apart. you are only 19, you have your whole life to live still, you don't want to look back one day and see you didn't have a chance to do anything with your life...it's not fair. you sound like you have a straight head on your shoulders so.....i hope this helps, at least a little. best of luck.
2006-07-05 11:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by origchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no such thing as the right time, however if you have a kid now when he is 16 and wants to play catch you husband will be 41 with a good possibility of keeping up, if you wait 5 years he will be 46 past the over the hill point and you do not want to go trough menopause and a teenager at the same time.
kids are the best thing in life!
THE SOONER THE BETTER
WHEN HE GRADUATES COLLEGE HE WILL BE 51 OR MORE...
THE ONLY WAY TO BE FINANCIALLY ABLE TO CARE FOR ANOTHER CHILD IS BY HAVING IT.
GO FOR IT NOW!
2006-07-05 11:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by razorraul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you borrow someone else's kid for a little while? Ok, have him babysit both kids while they fight and make each other cranky (he's one, it'll take maybe 4 seconds.. 5 if you're lucky) Then leave him all by himself.
If he's a typical guy he won't know what to do.
I'm assuming you're the one that spends most of the time with your young boy and he works most of the day.
Otherwise come to altimatum: sure, we'll have another... IF YOU carry it. This other woman I know of said it all the time.
2006-07-05 11:12:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it takes two yesses and one no for these type of decisions. Lay out the finances too . There was something last week on dr phil about this try to find it. Let him read the answers on this site
2006-07-12 10:59:43 · answer #7 · answered by GutsiePerson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a year old. tell him u need more time to recover and you not ready to have another child...im guessin your the one at home y hes at work. so it affect u more and as for wantin a girl my auntie had 4 boys for tryinf for a girl, 15 years later she got one, but woud u really want to keep tryin thast long
2006-07-05 11:08:36 · answer #8 · answered by invigeration69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Way to go raul g, spoken just like a man who has never felt a contraction. jeez. I'm with lil shorty, say yes honey and get some birth control
2006-07-05 12:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have tried everything, including two hour speeches, and he's still harassing you, just tell him NO, and refuse to argue about it. If he keeps harassing you, it's time to hit the road, hon.
2006-07-11 23:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by senyax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋