Trust of 20years of marriage is gone,how can i trust a wife who sleep with another man ?

Question

She said i`m not caring but it is not true,i do care for her so much n willing to do anything for her.How can i contunie to live with her?

Answer 1

You're such a nice guy to give another chance for her! Sorry I can't answer your question since I'm not married and don't know anything on this subject.

Answer 2

I know this is not to do with your specific question but, Ask yourself can you live with her? you must be honest..! Are you caring, I mean really, and not in monetary actions, everyday living, But in the bedroom? Do you think of her needs, or her wants? Do you really listen to her?

What makes a woman, venture? Is it the need for love, understanding? or companionship? maybe all 3...!

How can you live with her? Do you turn a blind eye, and forget this ever happened? No you can't..! You can forgive, but you will never forget!!!

The trust has to be built back up, and that can take a long time, until you work out the reasons why she had an affair in the first place..20 years is a long time, She is going through menopause, is this an excuse?

Does she feel guilty about her actions, has she said it will never happen again? If the answer is yes to both these questions, then you must believe her!!

Marriage counseling, and perhaps a trial separation, might work, but in order for your marriage to work, it is going to take a lot of hard work on both parts...

Someone made your wife feel beautiful, desirable, wanted, and needed... these areas have to be worked on...

Learn to understand her, woman change over 20 years, The kids are gone, life is easier..

Work out all of the above, and you just will continue to live with her, most likely a lot more happier then in the past... As time goes on, you will heal!.... Don't ever bring up the matter again!!!!!!

gl

Answer 3

Trust is a very important part of a relationship, however, the person that acts out isn't always the only partner that has done things the wrong way. I think you should take take a self inventory before you even try do what I suggest.
You first have to love you and realize that her cheating doesn't make you less of a man. This goes the same for women who have been cheated on. People often cheat because they don't think of how it effects their partner. They act out on something that they need and aren't getting...It is selfish to believe that you are all a person will ever need in life and it's even more selfish to cheat. Everything we do is selfish. So her cheating was something she needed to do. Right or wrong, she thought she was fullfilling a need.
Even though you have taken vows everyone is human and no one is exepmpt form making mistakes. The plain simple fact is that if you agree to keep the marriage intact you have to make sure that is what she wants. Then you have to put your faith in her. You have to let your trust build. But you can't go being overbearing or over suspicious. You just have to realize that it can happen again, if you can't take being hurt again I don't think you should do it. I think you should try to work it out because a few minutes of pleasure shouldn't end 20 years of marriage. However, if the woman cheated in your bed. You should end the relationship.

Answer 4

If your wife had an affair, then shes crying out for affection/attention. Ask her what she wants from you! If shes asking too much and you dont wish to change to suit her, then you will have to say goodbye.

Ask her why she did it. And what you can do to. Then ask her what shes willing to do. As you well know, a good marriage is a two way street. Theres give and take, theres good communication and love and affection. Not forgetting appreciation. Take a good look at your life before this happened. What can be improved on in your relationship.


PS: (added after posting) I am assuming you are still together?? If your not. Then chances are she might not want you back and you just have to let her go. If she wants to , she shall come back, but you will need cancelling either way, or at least a good freind !

Answer 5

I think you both need to lay your cards on the table. OK she slept with another man, that breaks massive trust, but what were the circumstances that made her run into another man's arms. Weren't you paying enough attention to her for far too long? Do you drink, or yell at her, or make her feel unattractive? You may do this but not been realising it.Or has she done this before? All of these questions need to be bought up, but within a controlled and neutral environment, so you may need the assistance of a marriage counsellor. 20 years of marriage is too long to throw away so easily and you need to begin a trust bond again. Was it an affair, or only a night and did she really sleep with him? And again WHY? This shouldn't turn into a blaming match, but try and listen to each other even when it hurts you or her. I think there's been too many years of unsaid words and it's time you both reconnected and spoke deeply to one another. Good Luck to you both and try hard.

Answer 6

"Ok, I know this question has been asked before, but I want answers directly to this. Okay, I know this is wrong but I've been kinda seeing a married woman for the past 9 months now and I recently met her b/c we live far apart. She's a few years older than I am. She says that she's separated from her husband and she's waiting on a divorce. So anyway, should I just stop this now before it gets any deeper and how long does it take to get a divorce? Please don't bash me on this, I know how it sounds already, believe me. "

Okay, Lothario ... whassup? An hour ago, you were asking about your infidelity. Now you are the victim of infidelity. Are you a bored 14-year-old with a copy of Redbook or what?

Answer 7

What this all come down to is Love my friend. Do you love her? Dose she love you?... You may have to do some work on the marriage, but you need to work on that all the time for the marriage to last and be fulfilling to both you and your wife.
My best advice would be show her the man she fell in love with. And never let her see him fade. Trust will have to be rebuilt but that takes time. Be romantic. Be the man that she loves and make sure she know how lucky she is to have you.

If you Love her. Then you you should show her. And try to talk this out

Good Luck and Be happy.

Answer 8

I would suggest seeking therapy. Your wife will soon realize that what she did was no fault of yours. Another thing, twenty years is too much to just throw away. This is just another bump in the road that must be smoothed out.

In no way am I saying that what she did was ok, but in order for you to trust her again, you will have to forgive and sooner or later forget. But you do need to seek help to help her find out why she ventured outside the home for companionship. Always remember that this can be fixed! Giving up your marriage is no way to fix it. Also, this doesnt mean that she doesnt love you. It only means that she is struggling somewhere inside of herself and she feels alone.

Answer 9

First find out what does caring means to her.. What she is missing from you or you have it but you may not know that she needs that from you.
It doesnt matter how long you have been married, only thing matters is how well you take care of your wife.
Trust doesnt come from the how long you live with a person.
I suggest, you sit with her and talk it out. Ask her feelings for you. Try to tell your feelings or fears(fear of loosing her to another man). Sharing these with your partner doesnt make you low. But it will make your relationship more stronger.

Try it out man..

Answer 10

Yes you can...

And sadly... it is true...

Nobody... strays when they are happy. And trust me... it's easy to take your spouse for granted... we ALL DO IT... to one degree or another.

There is a FORMULA (and no I'm not kidding) for making it so NOT ONLY can you stay with her... but also... you'll be stronger then before the affair.

But BOTH of you have got to have the correct attitude. Sounds like YOU do.

You must own YOUR PART of this... and she MUST, FOR SURE... own her part. She must understand how much she hurt you and you must understand that she gets that.

That's step one.

Once that is accomplished, move on to step 2.

There are 7 steps.

Good luck!

Answer 11

The first question to ask yourself, haven't you cheated in your 20 years of marriage? If yes then dump her, she is not worth it.
For 20 years she knows your stand on cheating and still she has done it.
if you have cheated before then you should patch it up, counselling etc etc
but it will happen again