should wife get second chance after infidelity?

Question

my wife of 13 years had an affair and we came very close to just ending the relationship I found another woman to love and now she wants to reconcile after I wipped her boyfriends but, should I call it off with my new lover? what makes it tough is our 6 year old daughter that is the apple of my eye and the world to me , but do you think she will be faithful the second time around or is this common for women to do?

Answer 1

Only you can make that call. Things will be different, though. Every argument will result in you bringing her infidelity up, again and again. Can she handle that? Can you?

Answer 2

Sounds like, maybe there are more problems than you think. She can be faithful, but there are questions that have to be answered first... Did it happen once? Or is it a trend? Did she tell you? Or did she get caught? Are you away a lot? Ask her what she needs that *he* gave her and you couldn't. Chances are she temporarly thinks she needs someone else, because she is unhappy somewhere, most husbands wont truely know these things especially if he is gone all the time, and only has a few minutes at a time to spend with her. Maybe her dreams are different than yours. She may need to come to terms with herself and find out what it is that is really bugging her. The grass is never greener on the other side, but she is obviously missing something from you. MAKE HER TALK to you, and be very careful how you say things, and let her know how you feel as well. She wants to come back for 2 reasons. #1 her new boyfriend isn't what she thought he was. #2 She truely loves you. So you must find out what it is that he has and or was giving her that you couldn't. Chances are it is communication. and or something to do with sex, but not necessarily sex, but maybe some other form of intimacy that she feels she isn't getting, that the boyfriend pretended to give to her.... When you ask her what is wrong, don't take nothing for an answer, sometimes you must suggest things to get her mind going in the right direction. It may take all night, so don't think the answers will come quickly. And keep your cool. Do not get angry with her until you know what it is that is really bothering her... If You truely love her, then be there for her. Even if you must sacrifice sleep, and or money. That maybe what she needs you to do, is be open... Maybe this will help

Answer 3

Sounds like you were both unfaithful, so stop being the pot calling the kettle black. If you don't want to give up the girlie on the side, then where do you come off asking if she should get another chance? Sounds like you still haven't even fixed your mess. If you both recommit to each other and try to make it work, then OF COURSE it can. But the bigger question is do you both want it to work? Does she know you had an affair too? Lay all the cards on the table, then talk and decide. Its not you being the bigger person and taking her back, because you both cheated. You were BOTH wrong. So talk, think about it, then write down marriage or divorce and switch papers. That way you are totally honest and not saying something because of whoever told their answer first. Then you'll know. But first you both have to admit to all your infidelities and decide if marriage is something you both still want. Its a joint decision, not something just for 1 of you to decide. You both screwed up, so you both need to figure this out. Their is no slighted spouse here, you both are guilty. And if I may also suggest, STD testing....

Answer 4

First to answer the second chance question, will you be able to see your wife and not see her affair? Can you trust her fully that she has redeemed herself and will no longer commit adultery? Can she see past your cheating as well and leave this issue in the past? If it is going to work and the both of you want to start with a clean slate, create a new beginning. Set a date and from that date start to rebuild the relationship. Go out on dates together, earn eachother's trust, learn to respect eachother again without judging. Cut all ties with recent lovers that were involved and recognize that the time with them was a part of your life you no longer want to visit. If both parties are willing to go back to basics, it will be a slow and steady climb to reconciliation and if not end the marriage while the both of you are able to remain friends in order to create a loving environment for your child. Not all women cheat just as not all men cheat. Women mostly cheat because they are emotionally unfulfilled, while men cheat because they are lacking the respect and attention once given by their wives and they feel forced to find it elsewhere. Good luck and hope this helps.

Answer 5

It all depends on how you feel about the situation and the decision is yours as i tell others that i give advice to but infidelity isn't right but at the same time you guys have a daughter together and it would be better for your daughter but if you don't have feel for you wife then you shouldn't be in a relationship because when you don't feel anything anymore that would be only trying to make something work that isnt there thats just like trying to make a car move with no gas in its tank and if i dident have feelings for my mate anymore then i wouldent stay i would move on but the decision is up to you because you feelings matter the most in the end and in this situation and your future and your life is all up to you.oh yeah and one more thing,if she cheated once then there is a possibility of her doing it again so once again its all up to you but i just wanted to throw that out there.

Answer 6

Personally i feel that its really all about whether u can find it in u to not just forgive but to forget your wife's mistake..Cause if you can't forget then things will never be the same again,more likely then not you guys may end up quarrelling... If your wife spared a thought for your child,would she have gone ahead and had an afffair in the first place...It's also pretty unfair to your new lover to just dump her like that especially if she's done nothing wrong...Your daughter at the age of 6 is still unimpressionable so u dun really have to worry about that,i know cause i was the same age when my parents divorced..

Answer 7

well, does her infidelity mean its worse then yours? if your not done dealing with the first relationship then i think you have some of your own issues you haven't looked at. your wife didn't bring on you sleeping with someone else. you may have been apart, but are not divorced it sounds like. so you wipped her b/f's butt? and found a new lover? but are considering going back to your wife? must be married still, after still referring her to your wife. not evening mentioning yet how you have brought a 4th person into the circle. not even considering her feelings? kind of sounds like you were playing a game of your own there. hurting your wife by finding another. who's to say you won't fall into the same behavior if you feel you been treated unjustly by your wife instead of going to marriage counselling or dealing with the situation and finding a resolution instead of putting it off and only adding more hurt and confusion to you, your wife, the guy she slept with, and the girl you slept with. cause she did it first doesn't make yours right

Answer 8

Everyone deserves a second chance, we all make mistakes. How do you feel about her? If you still have feelings for her then forgive her and take her back. If the feelings are not their then maybe you are better off where you are at now. Weather she will cheat again, that's hard to say. First you need to sit her down and talk to her. Find out what was missing in your relationship that would make her want to cheat.

Answer 9

Is she sorry for her actions? If you love her and she loves you, forgive her. People do make mistakes, even though no reason is justified. If you go back, don't throw it in her face. If you need to talk do so calmly but listen to her too. If she truly loves you, she is beating herself up more than you ever could. Don't believe the saying once a cheater always a cheater,it's not true. It will take time to regain the trust, but you will. You know her better than anyone on here. You can tell if she is sincere. Keeping your family together in love is the greatest gift you can give to you daughter,yourself and spouse if you both are in love. People will give advice for and against and their reasons. Listen to your heart and do what is best for you and your family. May God Bless, and I wish you all the best.

Answer 10

When the rules are broken, one becomes very confused because of the betrayal. Each one should know that it's wrong no matter what. You both have broken this rule. Discuss honestly with your spouse and look further than your daughter. A child will be happy with 2 happy, than one unhappy home. Though I do not encourage divorce, I believe that the children should be our main concern. Faithfulness comes from complete love.

Answer 11

You and your wife should go to a counselor. A relationship isnt much without trust theyll help you with that, thats if you really want to stay with her. You should think about how things are around your home and how they are affecting your daughter already. i dont know if shell be faithful i know i have been. You should give it a shot maybe with some help from a third impartial party you could work things out.