My best friend is this really really nice 20 year old guy. He's not a wimp at all, he's just very nice. He's been with the same girl for 3 years. As I was walking back from the fireworks display I went to tonight, I saw her sitting on the tailgate of her truck with some guy I have never seen, making out with him. My friend really loves her, and knowing this would really hurt him but I would hate to see her back with him like she didn't do anything wrong. Should I tell him? If so, how do I tell him?
2006-07-04 20:05:53 · 58 answers · asked by ♀♥♂☮Trippy Hippie☮♂♥♀ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Yes you should tell him and be there for him
2006-07-05 18:57:35 · answer #1 · answered by Alicia 5 · 10⤊ 1⤋
If I were him, I would want someone to tell me. The best way to do it is to just say, Hey, I think you should know that _____ was making out with some guy on the tailgate of her pickup truck after the fireworks display. It is going to hurt either way, but it is better for him to hurt now than later.
2006-07-04 20:13:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way to answer this is to ask yourself if the roles were reversed, would you want to know? and if yes, which i figure, wouldn't you b pissed at him if u found out later and then knew he knew but didn't know what to say??? U 2 are best friends, so that answers the mutual trust ? Did she see u see her? cause if she did she might have already gave him some co*k and bu*l story to explain her actions knowing u mite say something.Hopefully that wont matter cause he knows u love him and u 2 look out 4 each other. There is never an easy way to tell someone u care about something u know is going to devastate them, but if u care like u say, u gotta tell him. just go see him sit down talk a few minutes and just say, i have to tell u something that i really don't want to, and i know its going to hurt u but i care about u and i know u would do the same for me. I wish i wasn't the one who had to see it, but i was and i have been struggling with whether it was my place or not to say. Then i thought about how good u are, and i refuse to let u go on blindly, so here it is and u can do what u need to do from there. of course u know I'm here for you,& im sorry
2006-07-04 20:32:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When i saw this question i just had to answer it. I was in a similar position a couple of years ago. My best friend i have known since child hood got married she was having a party so i went. We were playing quarters (drinking alot) we needed to make a beer run so me and her husband made the beer run. I never gave it a second thought about going to the store with him, they had not been married but a couple of months...and guess what he made a pass at me and grabbed my butt as we were walking back into the house with the beer. Needless to say i was in TOTAL SHOCK!!! I could not believe he had done that. I left immediately. I went home and could not sleep pondering what to do. A couple of days later I broke down and told my best friend what her husband had done. I believe i done the right thing. Her reaction is one i will never forget...she did and didn't believe me...we did not talk for a long time we never got into and argument and they are divorced now and we are still friends but our relationship is not like it was before this happened. If i had to do it all over again for ME i would never have told her. ---ella
2006-07-04 20:22:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...yea, i'd tell him, because she's just gonna do the same thing over and over again until A) He finds out, or B) She does worse.
There's no easy way to tell him - but, you've been his friend for 3 years? The only thing i can suggest is to take it easy with him, be "gentle"...but, let him know, in some way, that you're not lying. And, he shouldn't expect you are, because, c'mon.
Tell him straight out what you seen...and he might not believe it at first, but, chances are, he will. And, then he'll ask his girlfriend, and she'll either lie straight out, or be forward and tell him the truth, but, i really doubt the 2nd one.
Yea - just like i said, be nice about it, don't call her names or anything while you're talkin with him, like "Oh, i saw this b***h doin this", and so on. But, he does deserve to know =)
2006-07-04 20:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by XxDJToxic420xX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell him... there is no other way out girl.... you can't let your best friend go after some bit**.... come on... you should care for him..
now the BIG question... how you should tell him???
trust me, you are putting your friendship at stake by telling him... if he loves this girl very much ... more than your friendship, .... he will leave you.... but before telling him anything, you have to know the level of trust that the guy has on you.... if it is too high, just tell it to him..... straight forward...
BUT i will tell you a better way...
call him up casually, and ask his inputs on a scenario which you have just seen... don't tell the name of anyone... just say that a ""guy is there... who loves a girl a lot... the girl is making out with someone else... and his best friend sees it... now, should the best friend tell that guy about his girl??? if she tells to then what can be the possible reactions of the guy??? ""
by doing so, you will get to know how he will react in the same situation...
do this girl.... i have done it many times... HIGHLY effective...
2006-07-04 20:08:00 · answer #6 · answered by mitr_hamesha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. Danger. I lost a good friend over a similar incident a while back. The only thing to consider is how many relationships he's had before, and if any of them were serious. Guessing that he's been with her for 3 years since he was 17, the answer is probably that this is his only relationship he's ever had. So...
Dudes in his position are extremely weird. First relationshipers have no idea what they are doing, but pretend like they're experts on the subject. They'll protect that relationship like its the only thing in the world that means anything no matter what rational circumstances you throw at them and will fight a war to protect their vision of 'love'. So just to let you know, if you rat out his girlfriend you have all of a sudden involved yourself in the most powerful thing that has ever happened to him.
As a friend, it's your duty to tell him, especially if you see it first hand. Imagine how it would be for you if your friend caught your boyfriend cheating on you. You'd want him to tell you, right? But you're going to have to do it in the right way. In my case, I only heard rumors from a reliable source that my friend's girlfriend - we'll call her trex from now on - was not as faithful as she should have been. The rumors came from the dude that she made out with, so it was pretty strong information. I gave trex the benefit of the doubt since I assumed that she respected the relationship and would have come clean about the whole incident. Even after it happened again, I just didn't want to get involved. Eventually, when trex and my friend planned to move in together, something inside me just snapped. My friend was making non-sensical decisions and had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing it. Trex, in my opinion, was manipuating him. And by the time I said anything about the rumors I heard a few months before, it all got dumped back on me. Trex convinced my friend that I was jealous of their relationship even though she admited that the rumors were true. My friend made a decision that it was more important to blame me for the problems I caused in their relationship, and that if I went away so would the problems. And in one week, a relationship of 6 years dissapeared. I haven't talked to him in 2 years.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you will eventually tell your friend what you saw. It might take a long time for you to actually do so, but since you care about him you will. I don't know the best way to tell him, but the sooner the better. The longer you wait, the more you can be accused of having a motive of your own. Guranteed, his girlfirend will accuse you of liking him. Drama drama drama drama...
Do what's right. Do it quickly and don't assume that she's going to be a respectable person and admit her indescretions. Get away from the situation as quick as possible and don't be a 'piller of support' when your friend's relationship crashes down. Don't counsel him through it by telling him that she's a bad woman and he's better off without her. Relationships like this always resurect themselves and evil women do not die easily! Keep that in mind. So, just tell him exactly what you saw and nothing else. Let him figure out what he wants to do, but offer no commentary. Also, tell him that, under no circumstance, can he use your name as a source for this info! You want to stay as far away from this as possible! After you tell him, DO NOT GET INVOLVED.
2006-07-04 21:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by rattwagon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks. But next time you see the two of them together, look at her and say: "weren't those fireworks pretty?"or something of the sort. That would at least bring attention to the fact she went without him. If you want to go further, say something about how you didn't know her brother was in town/was so cute, just something to let him know she was there with some guy.
2006-07-04 20:10:01 · answer #8 · answered by ★Fetal☆ ★And ☆ ★Weeping☆ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's got to know, but he'll probably be really mad, and think that you're just jealous because you want to be with him (and what of it if you do, he's a nice guy, right?)
He'll be a little less likely to blame you if you say yoy thought you saw her, or someone that looked just like her making out with some guy, and ask where she was. Even if you are sure, mistakes happen, and admitting that may make him believe you more.
Don't worry if he gets all upset. if she's really like that, he'll hear more about it soon enough. hopefull he'll believe it before something really bad happens to him.
2006-07-07 10:29:47 · answer #9 · answered by ye_river_xiv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hurt that you cause him now by telling him the truth, will be a lot less painful than the hurt he will feel if he remains ignorant of the truth, and becomes even more infatuated with this girl he is with. It is better to yank the band-aid off quick than to do it slowly. I am sure he will appreciate your loyalty and care you have for him.
2006-07-04 20:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by Angelus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it would be the nice thing to do, I think you also put yourself in a very odd position with that too. You may be the "good samaritan" for telling him, but he may end up thinking (incorrectly obviously) that you are partly to blame because you told him this.
If you do tell him, just sit him down (some place public would be good) and gently tell him what you saw.
2006-07-04 20:08:20 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋