About six months ago I found out that my husband was on the DL (sex with men). Our marriage was on a scale from 1-10; I would give it about a 4, because he never spent much time with me. He would be at home maybe 30% of the time. I would always express how much i wanted for him to spend time with me. He always replied that he would but, it never got better! But anyhow, after I found out about him being on the Down Low , I was sick to my stomach for a while. I tried to make the marriage work because I love him and of course for the kids (they just love him to death). I found myself talking about my problems to an old friend. I ended up having sex with my friend (whom I don't love) and getting pregnant by. Idon't believe in abortons at all!! I have applied for a legal separstion because I'm just not ready to let totally go (despite what I found out). It's so hard to let go when you've been with a person so long. Also, I'm worried about how my kids will feel abouth us not being as 1.
2006-07-04 19:34:34 · 9 answers · asked by tm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The question you should be asking yourself is if you really want a man that would cheat on you. Regardless of if it's with a man or woman. It's easy to confuse love with dependency. As far as that goes, if you truly "loved" him then you wouldn't have cheated on him. It is hard to start over, and that's why most people end up with miserable lives. They choose safety over happiness. You deserve better in life and so do your kids. It doesn't sound like he's exactly father of the year. Your kids will understand when they're older, and you can't make your decisions in life by worrying about how they might react. Your job is to make a safe and happy home for them, and for that to happen BOTH of their parents need to be happy. Good luck.
2006-07-04 19:47:51 · answer #1 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mention what you are trying to do, but you don't mention what your husband is willing to do to repair your relationship. I am not quite sure if you can continue in a heterosexual marriage with a man who has shown that he has homosexual tendencies. I think you need to ask some hard questions: Is he gay? Is he bi-sexual? Was he just curious?
If he is gay, then I think you really need to go think it through. Your husband, if he is gay, will have an Extremely difficult time going back to the way things were (meaning, sex only with you, a woman). Or, was he engaging in sex with men all during your marriage and you were kept in the dark? If so, was he always safe (condom)?
If he is bisexual, then I think that is better because perhaps he can control his urges by just having sexual relations with you, but again -- maybe he can't.
If he's just curious, I think that is the worst because he risked your relationship, family, kids, etc. for a quick act of sex.
As for your pregnancy: think very hard -- if you do not believe in abortion, then you have 2 choices: (1) have the child, make your husband believe it is his (not recommended); (2) have the child, tell your husband it isn't his and inform real father.
I would vote for 2. After all, if you are going to see where this relationship is REALLY going, since his "dirty laundry" is being aired for you and he to discuss; you might as well discuss your "dirty laundry" After all, how else can you really know what is left of your relationship with your hubby and where it can go?
Best of luck.
2006-07-05 02:55:21 · answer #2 · answered by Randa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have a more serious problem than any of us can really help. Go seek counseling. And get tested for any STD. It's up to you to decide if you're better off with him or without. Good luck, dear.
2006-07-05 03:15:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant tell you what you should do but I can say only take the advice of those who answer possitively, ignore any that is full of judgement and ignorance. your situation is serious and you should seek professional help, there are way too many issues there to answer on a web site
2006-07-05 10:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by an6el 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pay the price for your stupidity. You took a problem and made it worse. Get some birth control or use a condom
2006-07-05 02:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by lefty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion.. Abortion and get along with ur husband and kids and forgot abt ur so called friend, if ur really love ur family or else if u want sex alone go along with ur so called friend
2006-07-05 03:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by krazy_about_girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, well, well, sure you have a tough situation there babes. But, then have you thought of the other 2 kids that you have first??? you are sure just worried, but then that does not solves the situation .......
2006-07-05 02:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by aaryan110001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to carry on with life for the sake of your kids.Life is all scarifices. you will benefit from it later part of your life....just continue to love your hubby and do not make the same mistake again......
2006-07-05 05:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by hitman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time your feeling *****, remember, vibrators and dildos WON'T get you pregnant or any kind of STD.
2006-07-05 03:52:05 · answer #9 · answered by Vandie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋