Is it okay for me to be gay?

Question

I am 14 years old, male, Christian, and have a very strong attraction to males. I need to know if this is right. And if it isn't, how can I change? I didn't choose to be this way. I have never been attracted to women. I've been praying to God to know what is right and to help me do what's right, but I just don't know. Help me please, I am lost.

Please no mean or hurtful answers, I'm in a very difficult time...

Answer 1

There is no contradiction in being gay or bisexual and Christian. I used to be a Peer mentor for a multidenominational campus ministry and I counseled many newly out Christian college kids who were fearful because of the bigoted lies they had been told growing up.

Being gay is not something you choose, and science has shown time and time again that it is not something that can be changed.
Because you are so young, I would recommend spending some time being sure about how you feel before sharing it with too many people, because many adolescents question their sexuality.

I would also like to gently suggest checking out the following websites:

http://www.familyacceptance.org/
http://www.matthewsplace.com/

and finally, the links page from a Resource website that I created for a school project - it is geared towards High school Counselors but many of the links might help you - specifically the ones for various gay Christian groups.

http://www.students.niu.edu/~z117053/CounselingLGBTStudents/links.htm

Good luck

Answer 2

Oh, don’t ask that question dude! People are going to say mean things, and hurt you, and confuse you more that you probably already are. Just be yourself, and you’ll always be ok. Unless you’re a murderer deep inside………. Then, maybe you should think about not being yourself. LOL No, but I went through the exact same thing. It’s something you have to decide for yourself. Thing about it, and do some soul searching. My whole family are Christians, and I was so lost when I realized I liked guys. I didn’t even know about being “gay” then. All I knew was that I liked other guys, and the bible says it was wrong. Now, I’m an atheist, but not just because of that. I decided that this is something I cant hold back all my life and still be happy. This is something you have to answer for yourself, because people will tell you your wrong, and they have no right because most of them will probably never know how it feels to like other guys or girls. It’s like asking a girl if it hurts to get hit in the balls. They don’t know from experience, but only what other people tell them. Just be yourself.

Answer 3

This link to the American Psychological Association is very helpful in affirming that there is nothing wrong with you.

Being in a Christian circle, you need to be wary and avoid those who claim that they can change your orientation through prayer (known as exgay ministries). This does not work. You can end up even more hurt both emotionally and spiritually than you are now, as they use brainwashing techniques to exploit your sense of fear, guilt and religious beliefs.

As you're only 14, things can change as you grow up. A lot of people experience an attraction to their own sex whilst growing up and turn out straight. The main thing to remember is that there's nothing wrong with you - whether you experience changes or no changes.

Religious beliefs that homosexuality is a sin - they are all man-made. God didn't fax down a document saying that homosexuality is a sin.

Answer 4

Yes. It's perfectly okay. I've been studying / and pondering the Bible for over 30 years (college degree in Bible too). My parents were the best. I am the oldest of nine children raised by them, yet I'm the only Gay in the family. Nothing, NOTHING stops me from loving God and pursuing righteousness that is second to none.

Just stay real.
Don't surrender your intelligence -- continue to build it.
Your character will still matter -- continue to build it.
Your credit rating will still matter -- continue to build it.

Immersing yourself with a lot of theology and bible exegesis would not be wise right now. At your age, you have other priorities that should get your attention -- your education, growing up, becoming an adult.

Remember this. Being honest without yourself about being Gay won't make life any easier. You still have to work at being successful. Money is still required to buy the food you want to eat, the home you want, the traveling you want to do, etc.

Answer 5

I was gong to read all the answers before I answered but decided to just answer how I felt. Yes it is wrong and the Bible is very clear on this, however, it doesn't make your feelings go away and it doesn't help any.

As far as all the yes answers you probably got and those who have, so called "studied" the Bible, well most have not read it literally and will try to find the loop-hole or way out, only to justify their own behavior and lives, that's why there are so many different religions. Everyone wants to find a way to serve God without having to actually do what he commands, it's like my own children. People will try and do whatever it takes to live how they want to live, yet still be able to be a Christian. It doesn't work that way.

I believe what you are feeling is real and many "real" Christians are afraid to address this subject because they don't understand it. I believe homosexuality is real and a very powerful thing.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I am 14 as well, and I just now came to terms that I am gay. I said I was bi.. Wrong. I'm gay.

anyways, listen.. there's nothing you can do to change. I know how hard and how bad that sounds, but please please please do not try and change. I have tried for a month and just now gave up. It is not worth it at all. It is sooo painful and so depressing. I cried every night tosleep because I tried to become str8. I promise you it is not worth it at all.

It is absoultely ok to be gay. Now yes, the bible may say some stuff about gays, but you know, it also says stuff about not judging and loving no matter what, AND the bible has some wierd laws and such.. some wierd like it's wrong to wear two different types of clothing at the same time, and all kinds of wierd things. God loves you no matter what. He will take you into heaven even though you are gay.

Now you're not going to be accepting of yourself for a while, and that's ok but you do need to accept yourself. You're prolly going to worry day and night about what your parents and friends will say.. Yet they don't need to know. ranted, a lie is terrible, but everyone keeps lies. You should hear my plan.. Hah, when I'm out of college I want a roomate who's a girl and say she's my girlfriend. Of course I couldn't live forever with having a "girlfriend" and not getting married or having kids, so I am going to say she can't have kids and idk what I'll do about marriage lol. Anyways, but she'll just be my roomate. I'll have my boyfriend live with me too. I'll just tell my ma that the guy is a roomate and that it's really expensive to live in big cities and so that extra money helps lol. Of course it may not work forever but it will give me at least 5 years, and plus I plan on living somewhere not all that close to them so they'll never know. I would also like to be a police officer so if they ask why I'm not getting married I'll just say I have to work so much or something. Yes, it's a lie but it could work. You don't have to tell your parents if you don't want to.

anyways, I promise you it will work out. Just live life. If you are gay, look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am gay" happily. Don't say it in a sad, deppressed voice. I promise it will get so much better.

Please contact me and I'll be more then happy to talk to you about this. Even though I have my problems, I'm really good at helping other GLBT people come to terms with it. So good luck. :)

Answer 7

At 14, forget about who or what you should be attracted to; what anyone else may think about that or what God expects you to do about it. Instead concentrate on your education and in developing who you are.

As you grow older: you may yet find that you are attracted exclusively to men; you may find that it was a teen "phase" (and that you are perfectly straight); you may find that both men and women attract you.

What is true is that being (just 3 or 4 years) older will put you in a better position to truly know what is right for you- and how to cope with it.

We none of us know the mind of God and what His plans are. Don't be pressured by the railings of those who quote Leviticus or from St Paul's letters (esp. Romans) - quoting scripture does not a Christian make. God made you who you are - and it will be for you to recognise how best you serve Him.

Best regards

Answer 8

Dear young man,

I think it would be really helpful for you to find a counselor at your school or perhaps a therapist so you can talk about this in more detail with a professional. It's very important that you can discuss your feelings openly in a comfortable environment.

Also read as much as you can about young gays and their experiences. There are many good books out there:
Am I Blue? : Coming Out from the Silence (Bauer) A short-story collection dealing with GLBT (gay/lesbian/ bisexual/transgender) issues by some of 1995's top authors.

Answer 9

yes. it's ok.

the bible says it's also ok to whore out your daughter, and to cut off your limbs when they sin and here's a snip from the bible:

""But God struck down some of the men of Beth Shemesh, putting seventy [1] of them to death because they had looked into the ark of the LORD. The people mourned because of the heavy blow the LORD had dealt them, "

whoops. they stared at the ark and were massacured (sp) by god. that doesn't make sense.....

i don't want to crumble your faith so much as to enlighten you how easy it is to twist the bible to the beliefs and prejudices of mankind.

god made you this way. you know you didn't become attracted to boys by choice.

i'm behind you 100 percent. be your true self. don't let others tell you that you're a horrible person for being honest and interested in the same sex.

take care and good luck friend...g

Answer 10

it's okay to be gay. i'm feel sorry for you for feeling this way. god does not allow homosexuality. it's in Leviticus. "man shall not lye down with man like he would a woman. for this is an abomination". if he's a god of love, then why would he call a form of love an abomination? i smell a load of hypocritical bull sh*t right there. but, i'll leave you to decide if still worship god or not. just don't try to turn straight. research shows it doesn't work, and statistics show that a good number of the people who do end up commiting suicide. you're in for some rough times. teenagers can be very, very cruel.