Here it is. I'm married for the second time ( 7 yrs.) and have one child with my current husband. (My first marriage lasted 4 years and ended because I couldn't easily get pregnant). Now I'm in a situation where I'm hanging on to this "marriage" to try and set a good example for my son. Both my husband and I are from divorced families. I'm 30, a full time 4.0 college student, own my own business and am cute and funny. I am the only one trying here though. I've tried changing personally, spiritually, emotionally and the sit. never changes. I've even read all the Dr. Phil realtionship rescue books! My husband will be nice for a day or two and then verbally put me down and say terrible things. The next day he's sorry.I just don't know when to throw in the towel. I guess I'm scared to try starting over again at my age ...not that I'm old, it's just the dating field is so young. He doesn't make me feel special at all and never gives me credit for all I do. Work, school, cook, clean, mom.?
2006-07-04 18:39:33 · 10 answers · asked by Jo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It shouldn't have to be only you trying in the relationship. You shouldn't have to loose who you are as a person and be put down in the process. I put up with that s***t for 8 yrs thinking thats all there was and I did marry for better or worse. However, no one deserves to be abused in any form its not love its control. If they truly cared they wouldn't put you down they would be there to love and respect you. Don't stay and be miserable if you know it won't work. BTW I am 34 almost 35 and recently separated from mostly emotionally abusive spouse. We have 2 young boys.
Your right the dating world is scary but don't be afraid to be alone. I found it is much better than being with the wrong person and getting treated with disrespect. Also don't stay for the child they can sense when there is tension or lack of love and it affects them too. Better for them to see you being happy and being "you" single than married and miserable. That would be a good example to me. Otherwise you are giving them the example that a man can abuse his wife and she just does everything to please him and do you want your son to think thats how he should treat a woman someday?
2006-07-04 19:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by JustWant2B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's obviously something wrong with him. You seem to be trying, but trying for a marriage shouldn't have to be a one-sided effort as you've described. And to top it off, he's the one with the verbal abuse issue. You're trying to be a good wife and mother and at the same time complete an education and be a careerwoman. The one place that you should have peace is in your home. You have to let him know how you feel everytime he abuses you and tell him to get some help. You can't change him -- he has to do that on his own. It won't happen overnight, but if you see that he is willing to get help and save your marriage, keep on trying to be a good wife. But if he's non-yielding and doesn't give a damn if the marriage is a bust, then that's your cue to make the arrangements to end the marriage. Also, you can't say that you're keeping the marriage together for the kids in that situation because the abuse - verbal, physical, emotional - is not a good example to set. They see that behavior and then they think its all right.
2006-07-04 19:05:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel! I have been married for 5 years, have 4 children (2 prior, and 2 belonging to my current husband). I am the cook, housekeeper, mechanic, carpenter, and electrician. My husband, although a very loving, nice family man, makes no effort to give me a break once in awhile. He takes every spare moment he has available to play his video games, rather than offer help!
I know all of us who are in this type of relationship hope for a better day. But the question we all ask is how many days do we wait? There is no infinitive answer, but emotionally we know when the game is over. Leave your husband, temporarily! Don't let him know it is temporary though.....it could make you or break you, but either way it is the best way to find out where you stand.
Hope this helps and Good Luck! NOBODY wants to be in this situation, its hard emotionally and physically draining...but know you are not alone!
2006-07-04 18:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard to do all those things as I am doing the same as you, but you have to have the respect and dignity that you deserve, if you are not happy then make yourself happy, tell him how you feel when he puts you down like that, you don't want your son to hear that and think it is ok for him to talk to women like that, seek counseling before you throw in the towel. Seems to me that he sounds a bit jealous of your accomplishments, he should be praising you for them, maybe he doesn't know how to handle the situation, I am not taking up for him and his actions, that is just wrong, but try to work it out, there is nothing wrong with counseling.... Good Luck!
2006-07-04 18:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by slf620 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is for sure a rocky road sometimes. My husband and I have gone through a lot of the same things you have described. What works for us is getting everything out in the open. If you have to involve a thrid party into things to mediate, do it. You can't rely on only one person in the marriage to put in all the work, that's for sure. Maybe he doesn't realize that your staying with him is a choice. From one wife to another here...see if you can get some help in communicating with him in a way he can understand...
2006-07-04 18:50:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would he consider counseling? If so, it would be a good place to start. At age 30 you have a lot of living in front of you and your child. His verbal abuse of you is inexcuseable and he needs to be called on it. Good luck sweetie.
2006-07-04 18:48:36 · answer #6 · answered by homerunhitter 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop trying. just do what a wife is supposed to do. but do give his verbal abuse right back at him and more. because that is not what a husband is supposed to do.
2006-07-04 18:47:12 · answer #7 · answered by bobby h 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no answer that anyone can give you. IT just depends on you , and how long you want to put up with the abuse.
2006-07-04 18:53:17 · answer #8 · answered by james R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him...for a while ...So he can have some time to think about your relationship. to see if he misses you or truly loves you. If he comes back to you it is meant to be. Like they say you never no what you have til it's gone.
2006-07-04 19:29:03 · answer #9 · answered by Angie29 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U ARE STILL MARRIED TO YOUR FIRSGT HUSBAND IN GODS EYES BECAUSE GOD ONLY ALLOWS DIVORCE IF YOU HAVE HAD MARITIAL UNFAITHFULNESS INVOLVED BUT OTHER THAN THAT YOU ARE IN THE EYES OF GOD STILL A MARRIED WOMAN TO HE FIRST HUBBY!
2006-07-04 18:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by Justin D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋