Why is it so hard for transsexuals to find romantic partners?

Question

I am a female to male transsexual and since beginning my transition, I have been single. This is going on 3 years now. It's interesting though, because when I was still a "lesbian" I had many partners. Why are people so fickle as to look at the outside shell to define who you are as a person? My personality hasn't changed, I'm still the same person, just the way I outwardly present myself to the world. I just think it's interesting, the gay community, the same people who spout "diversity and acceptance" are the exact same people who have shunned me now becuase I'm not JUST like THEM anymore. Would anyone of you be as open minded as you claim and date a transsexual? Either male to female or female to male? and would you see and treat them for the gender they identify with?

I just don't understand how some lesbian women can date butch lesbians but aren't interested in a female to male transsexual, or how gay men can date a drag queen but aren't interested in a male to female transsexual. I personally am not getting surgery..so straight girls don't want me cuz I still have a p***y and lesbian women don't want me cuz they THINK I have a c**k , what is a boy like me to do?

Just to clarify, I'm not saying I'm gay...that's why I put lesbian in quotations. Before my transition, that's how everyone saw me, and I WAS attractive to lesbian women, but I see myself as a male, and live my life that way, BUT I'm still attracted to lesbian women, and feel as though I'd have a higher chance of dating a lesbian than a straight woman..but it's the same problem, just in different aspects. A lesbian sees me as a guy on the outside but is cool with what I got between my legs, but they don't get past the outside first. On the contrary, a straight girl (I'm only attracted to girls) sees me as a guy, and therefore assumes I have a penis, and because I don't, I'm afraid to approach a straight girl, because I don't want to lead her on into thinking I'm a bio male.

Answer 1

if your outward apperance bothered you enough to want to change it, surly you understand that appearances matter to some people.
dude... i dont know. im a lesbian... i like women, and im not attracted to men. i'm not all that open-minded i guess, because even if a guy had a great personality that doesn't mean i would date him. there are women out there who are attracted to straight men who are female. why are girls who date butch girls still lesbians? because they like GIRLS. you are a straight man now... maybe thats part of the reason why the non-straight people have a hard time accepting transexuals.
i never thought of the gay community as accepting. i always feel like an outsider among people who all hang out with eachother and the main thing they have in common is their sexual orientation. its weird. apparently i'm not "dyke" enough to be part of their little thingie. wtvr... i hope you find someone :) good luck

Answer 2

My advice, for what it's worth, is to socialize with straight women. How you identify and present would appeal to them. If a relationship starts, be upfront about who you are (morality aside, if the relationship gets deeper they find out later and could feel lied to).

The gay community should accept you, but that doesn't mean they should want to date you. Sexual preference is just as central to a person's core beliefs as gender identity is. I'm not sure if I'm interpreting this right, but you can't hold it against lesbiens if they're not interested in dating a guy, can you?

Would I date a TS? I guess. I wouldn't have a problem seeing them for who they are either, I don't think.

Do you look like a guy? Are you on hormones? How old? All those things will probably matter to girls who may be interested in you. I don't know for sure on the last one, but my guess is people who are either in the 18-25 or 40+ bracket are the most accepting; young people know what's up, and people start focusing more on the important stuff as they get older.

And thanks for having a well written question. It's like, a first.

Answer 3

You are totally missing on what men and women find attractive, which can get confusing when it comes to those that are attracted to the transgendered. Lesbians like women! A butch lesbian thinks of herself as a butch woman, not as a man. A lipstick lesbian that likes butch, is attracted to a butch WOMAN, not a butch man. I have never met a man that likes M2F TS's that finds drag queens attractive, just doesn't happen. M2F TS admirers are attracted to the femininity of the TS, and not any masculine traits. M2F TS's exude femininity, and I believe it is this characteristic that makes it seem "not gay" to those that are attracted to them.

Sadly, I think straight and gay women will see you as a cross dresser because you don't want SRS. You probably wouldn't have that problem if you were M2F TS.

It's like right now you are in no man's land, or should I say, no woman's land.

Answer 4

You're right it is a difficult one because of all the afore-mentioned complications. However frustrating you might find people's closed mindedness you also have to understand why people might find it hard to accept or deal with. I have spent alot of time around trans-gendered people and have a better understanding of some of the issues facing people then most. However just because you are gay does not mean you are not human and have all the human fears and bigotries. Yeah it is unfair, but it is a fact and this is one of the arguments I have against Lesbian, Gays and Trans-genders being grouped together, as most gay people have very little if any understanding of trans-gender issues.

Answer 5

If you find out let me know.
I suspect it is a combination if misunderstanding of the issues, the degree of physical transition and social pressures (you only need to chat in here to hear how prevalent anti-TS bigotry really is).
Ultimately it may also be because the transsexual themselves has preferences and tastes so of the minority who would go out with transsexuals, not necessarily all transsexuals would go out with them. Tehre's no need to be desparate after all.
The most important part is finding a partner, either sex, who respects you and who you relate to. Love is what binds a relationship ultimately and this is something a whole lot more intangible. Even "straight" people may go through relationships and never find love.
I think many TSs end up with TSs as no one else can really empathise with how this feels.

Answer 6

Honestly, I would date a transsexual. After all, they are people too, they're not freaks or anything, they're who they are. And I would see them as the gender they call themselves, because that's who they are. I wouldn't treat them as their gender, I'd treat them as a person instead.
Of course, I'd date them if I've known them for a while and I found them physically and/or emotionally attractive. And if I wasn't in a relationship already. But I'd gladly be friends.
People think I'm weird because I'm so open, which I find silly. =P

Answer 7

Honestly Id have to say because it would have to be someone who is attracted to transgenders. A gay man really isnt interested in a man who used to be a girl, and vise versa. Straight people arent generally interested in someone who used to share their same sex either.

Answer 8

Why is it that transgender individuals don't like to date eachother, its the same with some bisexuals. SOME Bisexual women want a lesbian that knows how to eat good p*ssy, but want a man to give them a good c*ck. Thank god I stick to lesbian women only.

Answer 9

Gay means to like ones' same sex. A gay woman wants a woman, If they wanted a man, they would be with a man. If youre a gay woman, be a beautiful gay woman. I hate seeing nasty bull dykes, but I have more respect for two gorgeous gay woman when I see them.

Answer 10

i am a lesbian who obviously wants to be with a woman. i may of dated u wen u were a female, but if u are now transitioning into male, i would not date you coz i dont want to be with a man.