married 5 yrs, want kids none, she wont try,cant get my self to leave her, and women find me attractive,help?

Question

i met my wife 8 yrs ago, i thought she was perfect to start a family with ,, we fell in love, been married for 5 yrs .. i want kids, i love kids, we have bad luck getting pregnant, and she came out and told me that she doesnt really care if she has kids or not ,, i thought about leaving many times but i feel like the reason why we dont have kids is because i asked my ex-girlfriend to have an abortion when i was 20 yrs old i feel like its payback for my sin, i regret it very much now,, im losing intrest in her rapidly even though i love her, and always daydreaming about being with other women that want to have my children ,,i must be crazy.anyone can help with this one?

Answer 1

Well I don't think this is payback for your ex, if you feel this strongly about having children let her know! This is an issue that should have been approached WELL before now....But now that the issue is at hand, let her know what it means to you to have a child, it is very hard on a woman's body, but let her know that you will love her regardless, or how beautiful you think it will be to see her carry your child, maybe get some counseling, if it worth saving your marriage, try it. Have open communication with her, and respect what she is saying as well, hopefully you can come to an agreement, has she been checked to see if she can have children? If you are trying and can not conceive maybe she is not able ...talk about that as well...Dont leave over this situation, work it out with her, she is after all the one you married...Good Luck!

Answer 2

Well, it seems like kids and family is very important to you. What I don't understand is why you didn't talk about this earlier before you got married. From what your telling me it sounds like your wife didn't say she dosent want kids but rather she dosent mind if you two are unable to concieve. Have you talked about adoption? Do you want kids or do you want a woman to HAVE YOUR kids? I think these are things you should ask yourself. As far as daydreaming about women, that seems perfectly normal. Daydreaming about women or partners who fulfill your fantasy is something that every man does. I mean that is what masturbation is about. But in your case it's a woman who wants to have your kids. Which leads me to believe that it is more the intimacy of having a baby with a woman that you want than actually being a father. Look leaving someone is very difficult and if you love them it should be. You should give this a lot of thought and possibly consider going to a family counselor with your wife. The therapist may also be able to help with what seems like guilt issues you are having about your ex-girlfriend. Either way i wish you luck, wisdom and happiness. I hope this helps or at least gets you thinking.

Answer 3

I would hope you discussed having children before you
got married. You made a commitment to each other, that
means for better or worse, would you still be so ready to
leave if there was a medical issue with her that prevented
her from having children? I would hope not. You say
you are having bad luck with her getting pregnant, you are daydreaming about other women! Honestly sounds
like you are looking for a way out and trying to find an excuse. Make sure you are in it for the long haul before even considering having children. Talk to your wife, good luck !!!!

Answer 4

She may have a physical problem and that would not be her fault or yours either for that fact. Have you tried to go to theripy? Even if she won't go you still need to just so you can get a real oppinion on this and some ways of dealing with talking with her about your feelings. Some of us women can be hard headed at times and like men we don't always listen to what you are saying....Have you tried to honestly sit down with her and tell her how you truly feel about this? Openness and total honesty from you would help her to see just where you are coming from. A divorce should be the total last resort. And an affair should be never!

Answer 5

You know, I don't mean to bash on you, but have you been to the doctor lately? Alot of men blame the woman if there's no luck conceiving...I don't think that's fair. There's a possibility that perhaps you might have a low sperm count...just a possibility. Go to the doctor to get yourself checked out so you can know for sure so you could ease your mind. As for your wife, maybe she said she doesn't care to appease you because in the back of her mind, she might think you have a low sperm count as well. Not only women have to be in good health to conceive, men too. Watch your diet, STOP SMOKING AND DRINKING, and stop stressing. Just think about it -- both of you, go to the doctor and get checked out.

Answer 6

Well have you talked to your wife about it? Maybe she's saying that she doesn't care to have kids because y'all have tried for so long and she's upset because she hasn't gotten pregnant . she might feel it's because of her also.. i suggest that you have a long heart to heart with her . start off by asking her how she feels about it all on not being able to conceive after 5 years . get test done also maybe she can't conceive .. if not then look into other alternatives..

Answer 7

U did not have kids when u married her.If she is not ready now that does not mean she wont ever be.Dont rush it cause it wont ever happen.But that is no reason to leave her.Some couples are not able to have kids together like my husband and I but thats not gonna cause a divorce.Those other women only want u for a kid just to leave u right after.Treat your wife better.for better or for worse.

Answer 8

you have to work this thing out. u love this women. just because she does not want kids , wil you stop loving her. come on , there must be things about you that she does not like , should your wife leave you. best advice , just get yourselves checked properly by the doc.

also think of the brighter side. since you dont have kids you get your wife's undivided attention.

take it easy . things will work out.